Testimony…

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In Hollywood, two Chinese directors are very famous, one is Ang Lee, who shined at last year’s Oscars, and the other is John Woo. John Woo’s childhood life also had a great impact on his subsequent film career.

Wu Yusen, born on May 1, 1946, was born in a poor family in Guangzhou. Soon he followed his family to Hunan, and then to Hong Kong as a refugee. He dropped out of school when his father died of illness when he was about to graduate from high school, but he still used his spare time to teach himself history, philosophy, art, etc., and more importantly, he loved movies from a young age. As he recalled his childhood life in an interview with Hong Kong’s “Film Fortnightly”: “Since I was a child, I have loved movies, whether it is Western, Cantonese or Japanese.

At that time, I didn’t have the rich money to buy a ticket to get in. I remember one time, at the Great World Cinema, I took my little brother and sneaked into the balcony of the theater when I entered the theater, unfortunately, the usher found me and rolled me down the stairs with a palm. But this palm did not make me give up my desire to watch this movie, on the contrary, I quickly picked up my brother and followed the crowd downstairs. When I was in middle school, my passion for watching movies never diminished.”

In addition, it is said that the place where he grew up was rampant with gangsters and that he was able to attend secondary school because of the American donation (i.e., the help of the church) sent by Luther. This had a great impact on John Woo’s film career, on the one hand, he wanted to show the masculine and violent aesthetics produced by the conflict between the “good guys” and the “bad guys” in the gang, and on the other hand, he did not forget to exaggerate the benevolent spirit of the “good guys” of the gangsters, and even repeatedly appeared in his works, the church, a symbol of sacred Christianity. He also said, “I am a Christian, influenced by religious ideas of love, sin, and salvation. The ancient chivalrous spirit of chivalry is now gone, and we have to face evil alone.”

John Woo’s early works

John Woo’s film style, in addition to the influence of his childhood life, is also deeply influenced by his mentor Zhang Che, but his film career did not start with Zhang Che.

In 1069, John Woo entered the Cathay Pacific Film Company by chance and soon met Zhang Che as a production assistant. After Cathay Pacific announced its closure in 1970, he was introduced to Shaw Brothers Films by Zhang Che and served as Zhang Che’s assistant director, such as “Water Margin”, “Ma Yongzhen”, “Stinging Horse” and so on. Zhang Che’s film works, after “One-armed Knife” established its position in martial arts films, more and shows the world of friendship and violence between men, “Broken Intestine Sword”, “Revenge”, “Thirteen Taibao”, “Stabbing Horse”, “Crippled”, etc., full of tragic pictures of shirtless battles and intestinal battles, “Casting Names”, which will be released at the end of this year, is also adapted from Zhang Che’s classic movie “Stinging Horse”, and its ending is the tragic picture of Zhang Wenxiang played by Jiang David being disemboweled, although there is no “Thirteen Taibao” The corpse of the five horses is as tragic as that, but it is also extraordinary. Zhang Che’s film style is in line with the mentality left by John Woo’s growth process, and it also had a profound impact on him – nearly 20 years later, John Woo also adapted “Stinging Horse” into “Bloody Street” to pay tribute to his mentor Zhang Che.

Heroic nature

In the early 80s, John Woo quit Golden Harvest and joined New Arts City Shortly after filming “Funny Times” for New Arts City, but his film career did not develop smoothly, and he was even arranged by New Arts City to go to Taiwan to inspect the local film production situation. It wasn’t until the appearance of this “True Colors of Heroes” that John Woo and Chow Yun-fat took their film careers to the next level.

At this time, John Woo was full of pride and ambition for movies, but he didn’t have the time to play well, and Chow Yun-fat, although he was popular in the TV series “Shanghai Tang” ten years ago, but many of his film careers were literary films, such as “Love in a Fallen City” (blog), “The Legend of Yu Dafu”, etc. (there are also action movies, such as “City Patrol Horse”), but the box office is not good, known as “box office poison”. So, such two depressed men, plus Dillon, who was born in Shaw Brothers and also collaborated with John Woo (“Stinging Horse” was the film they collaborated on that year), popular singer Leslie Cheung, etc., jointly performed this movie full of men’s feelings, ambitions and even ups and downs, “The True Colors of Heroes”.

“The True Color of Heroes” broke the local box office record of a Hong Kong film with a box office of 34.65 million, and won the Best Film and Best Actor awards at the 6th Hong Kong Film Awards. The father-son love, brotherly love, friendship love, male and female love, wronged victimization, and revenge of the men touched by it vividly portrays the love in the hearts of men The mentality of the Hong Kong people after it was determined that Hong Kong’s sovereignty would be recovered in the early morning of July 1, 1997: in the context of the return to the motherland, their citizens are powerless to change this reality, but they do not know what will happen after the return; and in “The True Color of Heroes”, they also lamented several times that the times are different from the past……

The Road to Hollywood

John Woo came to Hollywood in 1993 and has been directing for more than ten years, and has also directed many movies such as “The Ultimate Target”, “Broken Arrow”, “The Face of the Heroes” (also known as “Changing Face”), “Mission Impossible 2”, “The Wind Whisperer”, “Fatal Reward” and many other movies and TV movies such as “New Across the Seas” and “Supreme Black Jack”. But I don’t know if it’s because of the lack of adaptation or what, John Woo’s Hollywood film career is not so wishful.

Comparing “Mission Impossible 2”, which John Woo is good at in action movies and has achieved good box office in North America or around the world, compared with the previous “Mission Impossible”, may illustrate this problem. “Mission Impossible” is directed by the famous thriller director Brian De Palma, adapted from a classic action TV series in the 70s, the director is not satisfied with copying the plot of the TV series, which not only changes the leader of the secret service team in the TV series to the behind-the-scenes of the criminal, but also sets up twists and turns of the plot, enigmatic characters, etc., creating the suspense in the film, and making the plot full of tension. The sequel directed by John Woo, except for the change of face at the beginning of the film (or borrowing from the plot in the first part) with a little suspense, basically narrates this action movie in a straight line, so in terms of action, “Mission Impossible 2” is far better than the first part, but it is beyond the reach of the tension of the plot – John Woo made a suspenseful spy movie into a pure action movie. This also exposes a problem of director John Woo himself: the incongruity between the control of the action scenes and the control of the plot. (Similar problems arose with his war film “The Wind Whisperer” and the sci-fi film “Deadly Pay.”) )

“Red Cliff” returns

Today, after more than a decade of twists and turns in Hollywood, John Woo finally decided to “return”, not only serving as the executive producer of the film “Heaven’s Mouth”, but also directing “Red Cliff”, the most expensive film work so far.

John Woo also revealed that if he wanted to start filming a documentary, he will choose a documentary with the theme of Sun Yat-sen, the father of the nation. Recently, Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ” was a big hit, and John Woo, who is a Christian, said that he had seen it, and he liked it, and said that if he was not a director, he would have become a pastor and help those most in need.

恩典见证 30.经…

音频 9 分钟

拆毁与重建: 我的心哪，你要称颂耶和华！凡在我里面的，也要称颂祂的圣名！我的心哪，你要称颂耶和华！不可忘记他的一切恩惠！他赦免你的一切罪孽，医治你的一切疾病。他救赎你的命脱离死亡，以仁爱和慈悲为你的冠冕。(诗103:1-4)

感谢神，中风后的两个月，于2009年9月30日，我终于从香港平安返回芝加哥。由于出事的时候太过突然，我至今仍无法想象当时发生的险境，因为当我在广州天河区威斯汀酒店餐厅晕厥倒下的时候，自己是完全没有知觉的。现在只能联想到这突如其来的发病，肯定会把几位与我共进早餐的同事都吓得不知所措了。怀着极其感恩的心情，我和妻子秋红反复阅读了中山大学附属第三医院神经外科一份最初的入院记录﹕

“患者陈炽，因全身抽搐，意识障碍5小时余，于2009-08-09入院。”诊断结果是﹕

“上矢状窦血栓形成；双侧额叶多发性脑出血、右额蛛网膜下腔出血；患者入院，前5小时无明显诱因突发出现全身抽搐，当时患者伴有意识障碍”

我对于中风毫不了解，也万万没想到会发生在我身上，对上述脑科医生的诊断，真的感觉心有余悸，读完后手脚不期然地震抖了起来，额上也冒出了一点冷汗，仿佛我在阅读自己的死亡证书。

面临苦难时的恐惧与无助

坦白地说，在遇到这样的困局时，在心底里我并非是一个信心坚定、凡事依靠神的人。中风后被送入医院的头几天，正是我生命中最恐惧、最无助的时刻。依稀记得当时眼前一片模糊，不知身在何方，只隐约感觉到身上插有尿管和点滴，医护人员从床边疾步而过。然后我惊恐地发现自己左半边身体竟然动弹不得。我用尽全身力量试图挪动手脚，却毫无反应。恐惧、仿徨、无助立时占据了我的心。

究竟发生了什么意外？之前我还与几位同僚共进早餐，大家不是如常地谈笑自若吗？为何现在我会半身瘫痪，躺在ICU（重症监护病房）的病床上？一连串凶险惊惶的思虑自脑中涌溢，我的心仿佛被一个沉重的铁锤拖住往深渊里坠落。难道我一辈子就这样卧床不起，我会不会变成植物人？我的家庭、工作和事奉该怎么办？我的亲人在哪里？模糊间，我听见一个极柔婉却陌生的声音：“陈先生，你还认得我吗？我就是威斯汀酒店的服务员Echo，我特意来探望你，希望你及早痊愈；我真不明白，你人这么好，怎么会遭遇到这样的苦难呢？”虽然我看不清她的脸孔，但她的语气显然带有很深的同情。现在回想起来，神似乎要借着这个不信者，来测试我面对苦难时候的反应和抉择。感谢主，在整个过程中，即便内心一片黑暗，我也没有问过：“神你为什么容许中风这件事突然发生在我身上？”我是谁，竟敢质疑上帝至高的意念，向祂的主权发出挑战呢？

正如伯11: 7-8所说﹕“你考察就能测透神吗？你岂能尽情测透全能者吗？祂的智慧高于天，你还能做什么？深于阴间，你还能知道什么？”我确信我所认识和接受的神不是苦难的制造者；在祂没有错误，纵然在经历苦难时我们未必全然了解这背后的一切，但我们可以相信神有绝对的智慧掌管任何事，在祂的旨意下，也能带我们行过死荫的幽谷。

得医治，首先要对付罪

我在中山大学附属第三医院只接受了头六天的治疗，然后由美国领事馆安排转送到香港继续诊治。两个星期后，病情没有好转，我开始产生沮丧失望的情绪。我那时对左半边身体仍然瘫痪而深感不耐烦，我想坐起来就要至少有三个人搀扶，否则身体便向左右两边倾倒；大小便也要麻烦别人，为此，我感到十分尴尬无助。对于曾是工作狂的我而言，这是何等痛苦且难以接受的事实。那段时间，我经常问神：“像这种凡事都要依赖别人的状态，我还要忍受到几时呢？”很多个夜晚我辗转反侧，胡思乱想，直到黎明才能入睡片刻。等到白天做理疗时，又因为缺乏睡眠而感觉体弱无力，情绪越发低落。如此恶性循环直至转院后第三周的某个早晨，我灵修祷告时，刚好一段经文在我眼前展开。

那是路5: 18-25，其中记载了耶稣医治一个瘫子的故事﹕

“有人用褥子抬着一个瘫子，要抬进去放在耶稣面前，却因人多，寻不出法子抬进去，就上了房顶，从瓦间把他连褥子缒到当中，正在耶稣面前。耶稣见他们的信心，就对瘫子说：你的罪赦了那人当众人面前立刻起来，拿着他所躺卧的褥子回家去，归荣耀与神。”

圣灵藉这段经文开导我，使我对这经文有了更深一步的了解，让我明白到神的医治乃是包括身、心、灵全面性的治疗，而我不但身体需要医治，在灵性方面也需要彻底的医治。我反复阅读，思想，切切地留意到主耶稣行这个神迹医治的先后次序：瘫子起来行走是罪先得赦免，内心被洁净；然后耶稣才吩咐他说“你起来，拿你的褥子回家去吧”。原来，主耶稣首先要我对付自己的罪，因为只有祂才能赦罪，所以祂最关心的就是我的罪是否巳经被对付清楚。罪的问题得到解决，其他问题就迎刃而解了。罪切断了我们与神建立密切关系的管道；罪经常破坏着我们对外对内的人际关系；罪也使人无法享受到神所赐的平安喜乐。

感谢主，祂让我明白“灵性的瘫痪”比身体的各类疾病更可怕，更难根治，因为它会使人的灵魂麻木不仁，对罪失去了敏锐的反应，而最终失去任何抵抗的能力。很多时候，基督徒只对不信主的人强调认罪悔改，但对自己的过犯则避而不提，或藏在内心的深处，好像以为对罪已经产生了免疫能力，这是何等危险的属灵破口。这种现象可以发生在任何一个信徒身上，不论他信主的时间多长，事奉的岗位和辈份多高。

住院六个星期，神赐我宁静的环境，在祂面前，我完全赤裸敞开，让祂自己的话语如利刃般割除心中罪的毒瘤；也让祂的圣灵作冶疗修复的工作。认罪悔改是一件极不容易的事，但也是基督徒追求圣洁的唯一途径。其实认罪对我来说很困难，其中有两方面的拦阻：（1）自义，难以谦卑。这种性格自我来美国后逐渐形成。虽然我已经信主超过30年，但这个老我还是苦苦地缠绕着我。特别是当事业平顺、事奉稍有果效的时候，我就更加失去了对这两方面的反思能力。

（2）我发觉当我面临各种大小抉择的时候，我很多时候是凭着自己的聪明智慧、个人经验作取舍，而没有以神为首，先求问祂，看是否是出于祂的旨意；反过来甚至是走在祂的前头。

在圣灵的光照下，我打开了心灵的眼睛，终于认识到自己种种在灵性、生活行为上的软弱；并且毫不保留地承认对神对人的亏欠。现今的世代，有太多带着面具做好人的人，表面上客客气气，做事循规蹈矩，但内心却隐藏着深不可测的思念，甚至存着各种私欲和邪情(包括我自己在内)。即便是与朋友和亲人之间的关系，我们往往也未必会付诸真诚来对待；更遑论达到推心置腹的程度。可以这样说，表面的好行为绝对不能反映出人真确的心灵状态；好行为也不能使人达到神所定的标准。诚如圣经说﹕“因为，耶和华不像人看人﹕人是看外貌，耶和华是看内心。”(撒上16:7)只有神才识透人心中一切的心思意念：“人心比万物都诡诈，坏到极处，谁能识透呢？”(耶17:9)

许多人以为认罪是懦弱的行为，其实这是十分错误的想法。相反的，我深深体会到认罪是一种相当勇敢的表现，是人主动地面对自己的本相：即便是阴暗、污秽不堪、见不得人、最丑陋的一面，在神真光的照耀下，每一寸的心灵角落都披露无遗，没有必要再隐藏，也不能再遮掩。正如医生使用X光、CT或MRI来检查身体疾病的根源，神的道，圣灵的引导能帮助我们察验出灵里各样的问题，包括了已显露的和隐而未现的罪。

玛1:6说：“儿子尊敬父亲，仆人敬畏主人；我既为父亲，尊敬我的在哪里呢？我既为主人，敬畏我的在哪里呢？你们却说：我们在何事上藐视你的名呢？”当我念到这段经文的时候，感到有如一箭穿心，令我颤栗。原来作为神的儿女和事奉祂的仆人，我一直忽视了对主敬畏的态度。我桀傲不驯的性情，加上几十年的俗世社会经验，把我塑造成一个很独断的个性，也建立了一套不讨神喜悦的处事作风，那就是﹕凭经验，凭感觉，而不是先祷告神，寻求他的旨意；讲求效率，重视策画多于服事人；独断独行的态度，不大征求别人的意见；做一些所谓大格局，其实是属于好大喜功，对神国度没有直接关连的事。

坦白说，当我在属世的环境中稍有成就，自己认为可以当家作主时，往往就是我在属灵生命上产生危机的时刻。2009年，我的事业和事奉表面上的成功，恰恰诱我坠入自我膨胀的深渊。2009年5月，我被移民局提名并获得全芝加哥联邦z /-府各机构“最优异职员”奖，八万多职员中，有300人入选，但只有十人获此殊荣。６月初，我到广州美国领事馆短期调派的申请又获批准；这两件事显然对我日后的仕途大有好处。事奉方面，我一直担任芝加哥“荣神传播协会”总干事，以影音传媒传福音；又同时参与餐馆传福音工作，还在纽约《号角月报》写专栏。前两年，我还号召成立“天乐合唱团”，全团30多人，一半以上是美国的基督徒；2008奥运前夕，我们在北京，青岛，上海举行圣乐演唱会。然而在组织这些创意活动的时候，我并没有把驾驶盘交给神，反而自己紧紧握住不放手。因为“顺服”原非我的性情，自然就会产生不健康的事奉心态，而这绝对不是神所喜悦的。

保罗说﹕“所以弟兄们，我以神的慈悲劝你们，将身体献上，当作活祭，是圣洁的，是神所喜悦的，你们如此事奉乃是理所当然的。不要效法这个世界，只要心意更新而变化，叫你们察验何为神的善良、纯全、可喜悦的旨意。”(罗12:1-2)为什么这一节我们琅琅上口的经文，遵行起来却那么难呢？我现在总算明白，最根本的问题在于我是否愿意把生命的主权交给神。讨神喜悦的事奉是舍去自己的邪情私欲，凡事求告主名，随着圣灵的带领，单纯地为了使祂得荣耀的作为。那怕是在人看来微不足道的服事。神要我学习做一个合祂心意的“无用的仆人”。像主耶稣对门徒说的，“这样，你们做完了一切所吩咐的，只当说：我们是无用的仆人，所做的本是我们应分做的。” (路17:10) 所以，我在祂面前的事奉，如果不是出于神的恩典，不是出于圣灵的带领，纵使别人看来再辉煌的成绩，也是虚假的、靠不住的、不讨神喜悦的、没有永恒价值的，不过是草木禾秸的工程。对神的信心是一种相互的关系和行动，而不是一种自我感情、自我意志的表现。是什么关系？就是人与神的关系；什么行动？就是人对神的完全顺服遵行。

我猛然醒悟意识到这几年许许多多事奉的盲点，一直阻挠了我更深地察验何为神的善良、纯全、可喜悦的旨意。原来我一直以来都是凭着自信和激情事奉神，却把“全心顺服”最关键的事奉原素抽离，结果许多所谓的事奉活动都变得空洞而没有意义。诚如神藉先知撒母耳对扫罗说：“耶和华喜悦燔祭和平安祭，岂如喜悦人听从祂的话呢？听命胜于献祭；顺从胜于公羊的脂油。悖逆的罪与行邪术的罪相等；顽梗的罪与拜虚神和偶像的罪相同。”（撒上15: 22-23）。耶稣基督自己就是我们最好的榜样，所以保罗说﹕“他本有神的形像，不以自己与神同等为强夺的，反倒虚己，取了奴仆的形像，成为人的样式；既有人的样子，就自己卑微，存心顺服，以至于死，且死在十字架上。”(腓2:7-8)神所关注的并非是我花上了多少时间、心思去筹算个人以为是好的，对祂国度有价值的事情。祂要求我的乃是一颗尊敬寻求祂旨意的心。套用传道人尹道先弟兄的话﹕“我们必须先从心里真正认识到自己的无用，完完全全的无用，才有可能在神的手中成为有用。这就是属灵的辩证法、属灵的奥秘，也是属灵的恩典，甚至连我们能够真正认识到自己的无用，都是神的恩典。”

感谢神让我在病中静下心来作出这样的反思，这确实是莫大的福份。

经历神的信实慈爱和亲友之爱的温馨

借着这次中风事故，神让我重新检讨与家人的关系，并强烈感受到从神而来的信实慈爱，亲身体会到家人对我的关爱是何等温馨、真挚、不求回报。

诚然，神的怜悯慈爱高于一切，但是妻子秋红在我患病期间，对我的不离不弃、无微不至的关照，真是情深似海。事后我才得知，接到我中风的消息后，身在美国的妻子搭最早的航班赶往广州。在漫长的14个小时飞行途中，李朝强牧师给她临行前的鼓励“愿主耶稣的平安与你同在”成为她心中最大的安慰和力量。当赶到广州医院，面对神智不清的我，她心中没有绝望。她日夜地守在病床边，一边握着我的手为我祷告，一边反复为我诵读诗篇23篇，直到我认出是她时，我们相拥而泣。也就在那时，我听到一句令我毕生铭记于心的话﹕“迈克，放心吧，无论任何结果，我会照顾你到底，这是我在神面前的承诺。”

事实上，从我中风到如今持续的康复过程，妻子没有一刻离开过我。不仅如此，神还加添给她力量和智慧去处理各种重要决定，替我作出各方面的妥善安排。我在港住院期间，为便于照顾，她总是蜷缩在病房的板椅上凑合一晚，第二天还要拖着疲累的身体陪我做针灸理疗。假期用完，为了能留下来照顾我，她又恳求上司容许她在香港上班，由于中美时差，每天服侍我熟睡后，她还要上班直至深夜。而这期间，妻子还回了一趟美国，看望独自在家的儿子，并四处奔走打听芝加哥最好的康复中心，为我日后的康复铺路。

妻子为我付出的爱是那般深厚且毫无保留，感激之余，我的内心更觉对妻子亏欠太多。结婚27年，在夫妻关系上，我越来越忙于工作事奉，彼此相处渐渐有如君子之交，感情上失去了起初相濡以沫的甜蜜，更谈不上灵性上的相交，我们尽量不争吵，相互忍让，和平相处，自己已经感觉很不错。但作为一家之主，我却一直漠视圣经的教导要爱妻子。“你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会为教会舍己.你们各人都当爱妻子，如同爱自己一样。妻子也当敬重他的丈夫。”(弗5:25)

还记得妻子以前经常对我说﹕“你那么喜欢作曲唱歌，领诗弹奏，为什么你在家却没有对我表达出这份热情，事事都是那般理性？”其实女性的情感世界非常细腻，丈夫对妻子的真挚关心和带有爱意的肢体语言，往往比冗长的大道理更有效力。根据圣经的原则，没有爱的付出，没有做好自己的本份，我们作弟兄的休想赢取妻子的敬重，即使我们外貌如何敬虔，服事范围如何广泛，事业如何成功，对她来说，这都是虚假的表现，就如耶稣斥责法利赛人的假冒为善一样。患病期间，我不仅在神面前认自己的罪，也对妻子秋红说出了内心的愧疚，并且慢慢学习慕迪圣经学院经常播出Gary Chapman牧师的电台节目“爱的五种语言”，应用在日常生活各个层面，妻子告诉我其实她要求我对她表达“爱的语言”的标准并不高，只要我真心诚意地经常给她轻轻的拥抱 (肢体语言)，欣赏她所作的事(有感谢的心），入门带着喜乐的微笑(心中常带有喜乐)，彼此分享祷告(灵性的深交)，这就够了。

过去的愚昧使我偏离了圣经的教导，到如今我才醒悟到我们的配偶和儿女都是神所赐独特又宝贵的礼物，需要加以珍惜，以爱相系；否则到那一天，家庭关系疏落有如陌路人，不是同床异梦就是各行己路，那是何等可怜又可悲的光景。

垂听祷告的神

每逢想到弟兄姊妹对我的关怀、爱心，就越觉得自己的不配，也因此确实经历到神垂听了众人恳切的祈求。

固然，神没有以超自然的方式马上叫我站起来，但祂为我预备了最好的医院医生，家人的悉心照料，一切都有神的大能在托住，像差派了一群天使在旁保护。神确实听了、也应允了众教会和弟兄姊妹的祷告，并且神要凭着自己的美意施行医治。回头再看，原来每一个困难的境况临到，每当我和妻子觉得事情无法解决时，神其实早已经知道，而且为我们作出妥善安排，甚至是超过我们所想所求。我列举了以下几项具体的例子，印证出神的伟大、信实、慈爱、无所不知和无所不在﹕

→ 中风后三小时内送院。神容许中风发生在我身上(其实是我自己忽略控制高血糖和太大的工作压力所导致中风)，但神也安排有人把我马上送院急救，免除了许多“三偏五障”后遗症的危险。

→ 出事不在酒店房间。我与同事吃早饭时晕厥在餐厅。如果回到房间才中风就不堪设想。

→事发在广州不是在北京。我原先想申请到北京移民局公干，但因为我也会说广东话，所以后来被转派到广州。不然，医院不可能在我严重中风后短期间让我坐飞机转送到香港。妻子秋红和二位姐姐因不谙普通话也会引起与医生沟通和各方面照顾上的困难。

→ 中山大学附属医院有MRI（磁共振成像设备）。中山大学附属第三医院离开我住的广州天河区威斯汀酒店祇有十分钟车程。

→领事馆的安排转送香港治疗。神为我预备好几位美国在广州和香港领事馆的医护人员尽力与中山大学附属医院协商于一周内转送香港。

→ 神为我预备香港最好的医院、医生、物理治疗、针灸。

→家人的照应。神借着妻子秋红、两位在香港的姐姐，和在广州的弟弟，轮流的照顾，使我得以安心静养，加速了康复的时间。

→ 继续复健。回芝加哥后，神更为我预备很理想的复健中心在（芝加哥康复研究所），离家不到半小时，还有中心人员接送。

→ 妻子获公司的准许可以全时间在家里上班，这样给我在饮食、日常生活上的照应。

在神面前，除了感恩以外，我还能说些什么呢!记得有一次我心情不好时，姐姐在床边轻声地安慰我说﹕“Mike，你要好好振作起来，难道你还没有强烈感受到神在你身上的作为吗？祂把你从死亡的边缘救出来，医治你，在各样事情上又那么周到地照顾你，祂肯定是派了一队的天使来保卫你，你应该充满喜乐才对，为什么又闷闷不乐？”后来才想到诗篇91:9-11所说﹕因此，我确信经历到神使者的保护是一件何等真实的事。

拆毁与重建

我因着这次严重中风而学习靠近主，并且凭着信心再次把自己交在祂的手中。甚至可以这样说，病痛带给我最大的福分，不仅是身体疾病得到医治，更是在灵性上获得了重建和修复。我深切领会到受苦的目的之一，乃是神疼爱我，借着苦难把我领到祂的施恩宝座前。“凡我所疼爱的，我就责备管教他，所以你要发热心，也要悔改。”(启示录3:19)“因为耶和华所爱的，祂必责备，正如父亲责备所喜爱的儿子。”(箴言3:12)

内在：拆毁旧我内心世界的城堡

先知们用相当骇人的字眼“撕裂、打伤、毁坏、倾覆、苦害”来表明，神有时会使用激烈的方式来拆毁我们的内心世界。在我身上也是如此，以音乐事工为例，中风后我的左手因僵硬至今无法弹奏乐器，讲话不再“口齿伶俐”，唱歌不再动听。这些改变对我这个经常创作歌曲，参与音乐事工20多年，一直以来用诗歌开音乐布道会，又出版了五张诗歌光盘的音乐人来说，是相当大的考验。我也曾为此挣扎不已，希望从神找到一个能满足自己的答案。我求问神：“有必要把我拆毁得这么彻底才进行改造吗？”当然，神至今仍保持缄默，但我已从日日反思中找到答案：神要我重新评估并扭转我对敬拜和音乐事奉的态度。我应该专心把目光投注在耶稣和祂的十字架上，让祂成为我心中唯一敬拜的对象，而不是用音乐来表现个人才艺。老实说，我现在每周日唱诗敬拜时，已经不会再为唱得喘不过气，走音、咬字不准而感到很难受，因为我现在明白我是为谁而唱，为何而唱。

外在：拆毁对世俗的追求

不可否认，在中风以前，世界对我仍然有相当程度的吸引力。一方面我离退休年龄尚早，另一方面，我还有晋升机会；兼且在移民局上班既体面，又能帮助许多人。自我感觉事业有成，又可以事奉，只要两者没有抵触，也算是神特别的恩典与祝福。但无形中，这种“一条腿想踏两条船”的思想与生活形态正中了撒但的诡计，忘记了在事奉的层面上，信徒是没有中间路线可以走的。主的话很清楚：“一个人不能事奉两个主，不是恶这个爱那个，就是重这个轻那个，你们不能又事奉神，又事奉玛门。”（太6:24）

我因为把全部时间精力都放在工作和事奉上，又无法同时兼顾，结果损害了身体，忽略了家庭，又不能专心服事神。这种想在世俗当CEO，又在事奉上干一番大事业的双赢心态肯定不是神的心意，因为耶稣说：“主，我们神是独一的主，你要尽心、尽性、尽意、尽力爱主─你的神。”(可12:29-30)这里的语气是命令式，没有自由选择或其他含糊的解释。

重建：以神为中心、以神的爱去爱人的生命

在香港住院期间，除了经历神奇妙的医治以外，最令我兴奋的是自已心里燃起一股愿意把神的爱与人分享的热情，仿佛一把火焰在心中焚烧不止。与我同住一间病房的有日本人、英国人、澳洲人，我都为他们的病祷告，诉说神在我身上的作为。那位日本病人说他是信（神道教），但他也不拒绝我奉耶稣基督的名为他祷告。神的恩典又借着我特别临到两位女士，一位是从广州来暂时照顾我的农家妇人。她虽然不认字，却有一颗渴慕的心，当下就接受了主。自此我们便一起祷告，我教她背诵圣经主祷文，为她与婆婆、丈夫的不良关系求主修复。她也为我的康复向主祈求。目睹神在六周内医治了我，她的心便充满了喜乐，愿意回广州后把福音传给家人和找一个属灵的家。另外一位女士的丈夫因七次开刀切除大肠手术不成功，医生想放弃，当中一位在加护病房工作的基督徒护士，把她带到我的病房，盼望我为她丈夫祷告。我说我很愿意，但也告诉她这样的祷告没有什么意义，除非她知道我们所祷告的对象是谁。感谢主，听完了我跟她分享的福音信息后，她愿意接受主耶稣作为她个人的救主，然后我们一起留着眼泪向主祷告。虽然我们再没有见面的机会，不晓得她丈夫是否得医治，但愿神保守她的信心，藉那位基督徒护士继续做跟进工作。促使我重燃这种传福音的热诚，乃是因为我的心灵被主重新建造，深深经历神的大爱和全人医治后的自然反应。就像撒马利亚妇人遇见了主耶稣，明白了真道；又经历被神所体恤和接讷后，心中涌出难以形容的喜乐，马上留下水罐子往城里去对众人说她遇到了弥赛亚的好消息。今天，一个对传福音毫无感动，或对自己的信仰难以启齿的基督徒，很可能是还没有尝过天恩的滋味。也许这样的信徒内心还仍然保留着一座座用旧我私欲所筑构的城堡，以至形成太重的负荷，太多面墙的拦阻，反而让自己被围城所困，无法突破。

除此以外，在经历了这场灾难后，我发现可怜别人跟体恤别人绝对不同。同情别人的遭遇是试图分担减轻别人痛苦不安的情绪，却并非感同身受的心灵高度。如今，当我面对另一个病患，除了同情他所患的疾病外，还能体会他心中的感受，明白他的处境，更有力地分担他的苦楚。因着这样的领受，每当我在芝加哥康复中心遇见一起做复健的病友，主耶稣普及的爱，怜悯的心肠就深深的激励着我，我愿意暗中为这些病友代祷，也找机会把神在我身上奇妙的作为告诉他们。

珍惜每一天的生命

中风之前我总觉得时间掌握在自已手中。做不完的事明天可以继续，不然还有下个月，总有足够的时间来完成。中风以后每天早晨醒来，感觉自己脉搏跳动，呼吸自如时，我真心感谢神赐给我新的一天，日子不再是普普通通，任由自己支配，乃是把每分每秒都视为一粒粒玉石那般宝贵。诚如雅4：14-15说：“其实明天如何，你们还不知道。你们的生命是什么呢？你们原来是一片云雾，出现少时就不见了。你们只当说：主若愿意，我们就可以活着，也可以做这事，或做那事。”

认识到生命的脆弱和短暂促使我更看重追求与永生上帝建立的关系，以及活在世上的意义。神给予世人自由选择自已的生命方向和目标，但对祂的儿女却有特别的带领和操练。神希望每一个儿女，都能建造圣洁的性情，选择基督化的人生。基督徒人格的理想标准就是像耶稣基督。因此耶稣对门徒说：“所以，你们要完全，像你们的天父完全一样。”(太5:48)我们要操练这种完全，要有更大的爱心、更谦卑的精神、更完美的品格、更全备的智慧能力为主作更多的见证。

中风是神给了我一个严重的警告，告诉我其实我早已经站立在死亡深渊的边缘，而就在滑脚坠落的一刻，如果不是祂的手紧紧把我托住，然后平稳地扶起放回世上，我的生命早已经消失如云雾。我不断思索，神既然给我再活一次的机会，我怎能再走回头路，像中风前那样放任轻狂，经常熬夜，食无定时，毫不节制地糟蹋自已的身体又滥用时间？“岂不知你们的身子就是圣灵的殿么？这圣灵是从神而来，住在你们里头的；并且你们不是自己的人；因为你们是重价买来的。所以，要在你们的身子上荣耀神。”(哥林多前书6:19-20)以往读这段经文甚为不解，现在明白因为我们的身体是上帝所造，正确地对待自己的身体就是荣耀祂。惟有当我们完全肯定人的身、心、灵是不可分割、互相依赖的整体时，我们才会好好爱惜保养身体，让身体发挥上帝创造它的美意。难怪约翰会说，“亲爱的兄弟啊，愿你凡事兴盛，身体健壮，正如你的灵魂兴盛一样。”（约三1:2）

结语

“你们要以感谢为祭献与神又要向至高者还你的愿，并要在患难之日求告我；我必搭救你，你也要荣耀我；凡以感谢献上为祭的便是荣耀我。”(诗50:14-15)

苦难真不好受，但也确实加深我对神属性切身的体会：祂权能的施展──按祂的旨意把我从死亡中救回，祂的信实慈爱──奇妙的医治，祂无所不知、无所不能──各样妥善的安排和照顾的大能。在我的身上，祂以医治代替了惩罚，以祝福代替了咒诅，以熬炼代替了责打。我不知道神让我在世上还活多久，但只要我还有生命气息，我愿意见证祂在我身上所作奇妙的大功，成为传福音报喜讯的出口，深深明白“外体虽然毁坏，内心却一天新似一天”(林后4:16)。

愿一切荣耀都归于三位一体的真神。阿们。

陈炽 广东顺德人，香港长大。台大中文系毕业，后获伊州社会工作系硕士。现任美国联邦司法部芝加哥移民局公民入籍部门主管，同时也是芝加哥荣神传播协会总干事。

恩典见证 29.吴…

音频 5 分钟

基督徒–传奇导演吴宇森

在好莱坞，有两位华人导演是非常的有名气的，一个是在去年奥斯卡上大放光彩的李安，另一位，则是吴宇森。吴宇森的童年生活，也同样的对于其往后的电影生涯产生很大的影响。

吴宇森，生于1946年5月1日，出生在广州的一个贫寒的家庭。不久就跟随着家人来到湖南，随后又作为难民来到了香港。中学即将毕业时父亲因病过世，他也因此而缀学，但仍然利用空余时间自学历史、哲学、美术等，更重要的是，他从小就喜欢电影。就如他当年在接受香港《电影双周刊》的采访时回忆起自己的童年生活：“从孩童时起，我已经喜欢电影了，不论西片、粤片、日本片，一概都喜欢看。那时，我并没有富裕的钱买票入场。记得有一次，在大世界戏院，我抱着小弟弟趁入场时混入戏院的楼座，不幸给带位员发现，一掌把我从楼梯上打滚下来。可这一掌并没有令我放弃看这场电影的热望，相反地赶快抱起弟弟，紧跟着人群混入楼下去。到了中学时候，喜欢看电影的热情一直没有降低过”。

另外，据说他从小生活的地方黑帮横行，而他自己能够进入中学就读也是因为路德会送来的美国捐助(也即教会的帮助)，他既要面对周围的暴力世界，又要面对教会信仰的仁爱精神，两者在其内心交织着……这对于吴宇森的电影生涯产生了非常大的影响，一方面，他要展示黑帮中的“好人”与“坏人”之间的冲突所产生的阳刚的暴力美学，另一方面，他不忘渲染黑帮“好人”的仁爱主义精神，甚至一而再的在作品中出现了教堂，这个神圣的基督教的象征。他也说到，“我是基督徒，受爱、罪恶及救赎等宗教观念影响。古代侠士行侠仗义精神现已荡然无存，我们得独自面对邪恶”。

吴宇森的早期作品

吴宇森的电影风格，除了童年生活的影响之外，还深受他的恩师张彻的影响，但他的电影生涯并非是跟随张彻开始。

1069年，吴宇森因为一个偶然的机会而进入国泰电影公司当场记，不久后才认识了张彻，担任制片助理。1970年国泰宣布歇业后，他经张彻的介绍进入邵氏影片公司，并担任张彻的副导演，如《水浒传》、《马永贞》、《刺马》等。张彻的电影作品，在《独臂刀》奠定了其在武侠电影中的地位之后，越来越多的展示男性之间的情谊与暴力的世界，《断肠剑》、《报仇》、《十三太保》、《刺马》、《残缺》等，充斥着赤膊上阵、盘肠大战的惨烈画面，如今年年底将公映的《投名状》，其也是改编自张彻的经典电影《刺马》，其结局则是姜大卫扮演的张汶祥被剖腹剐心的惨烈画面，尽管没有《十三太保》中的被五马分尸那样的惨烈，但也非同一般。而张彻的这种电影风格，正切合了吴宇森的成长过程的耳濡目染后留下的心态，也给予他深远的影响——将近二十年后，吴宇森还将《刺马》改编为《喋血街头》，向他的恩师张彻致敬。

英雄本色

80年代初吴宇森为新艺城拍摄了《滑稽时代》后不久，退出了嘉禾而加入新艺城影片公司，但他的电影事业并没有一帆风顺的发展，甚至一度被新艺城安排到台湾考察当地的电影制作状况。直到这部《英雄本色》的出现，才使得吴宇森，还有周润发，他们的电影事业更上一层楼。

这时的吴宇森，心中对电影充满着豪情壮志，但苦于没有时机好好的发挥；而周润发，也虽然早在十年前的电视剧《上海滩》当中红透半边天，但是，他的电影生涯，不少是文艺片，如《倾城之恋》(blog)、《郁达夫传奇》等(也有动作片，如《巡城马》)，但票房都不好，被誉为是“票房毒药”。于是，这样的两个郁郁不得志的男人，再加上邵氏出身、也曾跟吴宇森合作的狄龙(《刺马》就是他们当年合作的片子)、当红歌星张国荣等，共同演绎了这部充满着男人的情义、豪情壮志甚至是坎坷的电影，《英雄本色》。

《英雄本色》以3465万票房的成绩打破了香港电影的本土票房记录，并获得第六届香港电影金像奖的最佳电影和最佳男主角奖。其所触及的男人的父子情、兄弟情、朋友情、男女情、冤屈受害之情和报仇雪恨之情等，将男人心中的情义刻画的淋漓尽致；而宋子豪(在这部作品中狄龙扮演的宋子豪是第一男主角)的“人在江湖、身不由己”的黑道生涯，更是切合了当时中英两国签订《联合声明》而确定将在1997年7月1日凌晨收回香港主权后的香港人的心态：在回归这个大的时代背景下，他们市民无力改变这种现实，但又不知道回归了会怎么样；而《英雄本色》中，也数次的感慨现在时代已经不同于往日……

好莱坞之路

吴宇森是在1993年到好莱坞发展的，至今已经十多年，也导演了《终极标靶》、《断箭》、《夺面双雄》(也叫《变脸》)、《碟中谍2》、《风语者》、《致命报酬》等多部电影和《新纵横四海》、《至尊黑杰克》等电视电影。但个人觉得，不知道是水土不服还是什么缘故，吴宇森的好莱坞电影生涯，并不是那么的如意。

以吴宇森所擅长的动作类型电影，且在北美或者全球都取得不俗的票房的《碟中谍2》跟之前的《碟中谍》相比较，或许可以说明这个问题。《碟中谍》是由著名惊悚片导演布莱恩·德·帕尔玛执导、改编自七十年代的一出经典动作电视剧的电影，导演并不满足于照搬电视剧的情节，其不但将电视剧当中处于主导地位的这个特工小组的组长改为犯罪者的幕后头脑，而且还设置了一波三折的剧情、如谜一样的人物等，造就了影片中的不断出现的悬念，并使得剧情充满着张力。而由吴宇森执导的续集，除了影片开始的变脸(还是借鉴了第一部中的情节)带着一点的悬疑之外，基本上是以直线型的方式叙述完了这部动作电影，于是，动作方面《碟中谍2》远远的胜于第一部，但在剧情的张力上却望尘莫及——吴宇森将一部悬念十足的特工电影，拍成了纯粹的动作片。这也暴露了吴宇森导演自身的一个问题：动作场面的掌控力与剧情的掌控力之间的不协调。(他的战争片《风语者》、科幻片《致命报酬》等也都出现了类似的问题。)

《赤壁》归来

在好莱坞奔波曲折了十多年后的今天，吴宇森终于决定“归来”，既担任了《天堂口》这部电影的监制，而且，还导演《赤壁》，这部目前而言投资最大的电影作品。

吴宇森还透露，要开拍纪录片的话，会选择以国父孙中山为题材的纪录片。最近，梅尔·吉布森主演的《耶稣受难记》大热门，身为基督徒的吴宇森表示已经看过，他也很喜欢，还说如果不当导演的话，他应该会去当牧师，帮助最需要帮助的人。

恩典见证 31.邓…

音频 6 分钟

邓天兆:“赌王之王”的大起大落后之生命奇迹改变

他的故事多年前被香港影音使团拍成电影【赌神之神】

他居然真的如电影般描述能瞬间“变牌”而“逢赌必赢”

邓天兆在一次戒赌福音餐会上

他赢过八千万港元的“赌王之王”邓天兆，在半年内把钱输光，巨债缠身，苦不堪言，最后在他人生最低沉并打算自杀结束生命之时，爱的真神寻找到他，即时挽回了他……。

四代职业赌徒 四代被赌博的诅咒辖制

现年四十六岁出生于马来西亚的邓天兆，在未信耶稣之前，是一个职业赌徒。他不讳言：“我的曾祖父、祖父和父亲都是职业赌徒。在三岁的时候，我已经爱上了钱；年纪轻轻便很喜欢把钱拿靠近鼻子去嗅它。七岁开始就学会了赌钱，足足二十八年，我不曾离开过赌桌。无论是在英国伦敦读大学，或回到马来西亚帮爸爸做建筑生意的时候，我总是不忘去赌。”

八四年由于马来西亚经济衰退，建筑行业亦吹淡风；邓父居然提议天兆一起游埠去。他们旅游的目的，并非观赏大山河川，风景名胜；而是前往澳洲不同的赌场流连。据邓天兆说：“澳洲有四五个州上都有赌场，我们天天在那儿赌过不亦乐乎。当时，我曾稍作统计，八五年前我的“战绩”并不理想，输多于赢；但由八五年一月至十一月，我在澳洲所赢的钱，却高达三万元澳币，相等于六万元马币，这是一个相当诱人的大数目啊！”

“变牌”超自然力量 居然“逢赌必赢”

就在同年十一月底澳洲的赌场内，这个职业赌徒邓天兆，跟当地一位玩百家乐出名的外籍高手，在四周起哄声中，展开了一场紧张刺激的“决战”。邓天兆忆述当场的情形说：“一时间，围在我身边的人群，都当了我的拉拉队；他们大力鼓吹，要我为中国人争一口气。当拿到第一局牌之际，我暗叫不妙；因为累积了二十三年赌钱经验的我，从第六灵感得知对手手上的牌是“八点”，而我的则是“零点”；换言之，牌一开出，我就是输家。我心中一直喃喃念着，“我一定要九点，一定要九点。”没想到，把牌推出打开，我的竟然变作“九点”通赢。那一刻，我大声惊叫：“有鬼！有鬼！”接着全身发抖，并多次重复说：“无理由；不可能。”

“第二局我没有下注。到第三局，过程完全跟第一局一样，我以“九点”再下一城，赢了对手。当时，我喜不自禁地喊出来：“我发达了！”因为我竟然有变牌的超然力量，要什么牌就会有什么，这岂不等于是所向无敌？”于是，邓天兆便向上苍恳求，一定要保有这种力量，切不可使之离开他。

赢了八千万港元

果然，超然力量使邓天兆每次在赌场都旗开得胜。据他说，由八五年十二月至九一年的职业赌博纪录中，他从未输过。期间他到过的赌场，分散于澳洲、马来西亚云顶、澳门、韩国、拉斯韦加斯、英国等地。由于每次出入新加坡都很顺利，迷信的邓先生，八七年就决定举家迁移到那块福地长居。八九年这位职业赌徒，竟然还赢了一个“亚洲太平洋赌王冠军”的“美誉”。

邓天兆坦言：“那几年间，我所赢得的钱足有八千万港元(相等于一千八百万新加坡币)；加上我的生意亦做得不错，那段日子可以说是财富滚滚来。有钱有地位的我，常摆出一副不可一世的模样，气焰逼人。一段时间我根本不把人，尤其是穷人放在眼内，我看扁他们，歧视他们。后来甚至变本加厉，六亲不认，不但不认父亲和家人，连带与太太的关系也很疏离；太太和女儿都很怕我，从不敢骚扰我。当时被我视为最重要的就是赚钱。可怜的是，虽然有钱却没有安全感，因为常常怕被人绑票，于是只好请黑社会保镖来保护我；可见我的心中毫无平安。”

赌博大逆转 逢赌必输失运

在九零年七八月间，邓天兆曾在赌场遇上了一宗奇事：“当天，有一位全身发白，穿着白西装的陌生老伯，走到我的身边劝说，“你该停手，不要再赌下去。”那时意气风发的我岂会听他？往后的日子，当然是钱继续赌。不料六个月之后，我的运气开始走下坡，超然力量似乎也失去了。”从九一年正月开始，“长胜赌王”竟变成“逢赌必输”的失败者。邓天兆说：“六个月下来，我把赢回来的八千万完全输光！连带我的地产物业、汽车都卖掉了，一下子，积蓄以至所有的东西都失去了；而且还欠下三百万坡币的债。当时，我一筹莫展，唯有到处找相士、风水先生、灵媒求救；可惜毫无帮助。在最低沉的时候，我整整一个星期不能吃饭。

跳楼寻死逃避

有一天夜半，我独自坐在公寓的露台外面，忽然好像听到有声音提醒我不如去“自杀”；剎那间，我觉得“寻死”果然不失为一个解决问题的好方法。既然得金钱地位都没有了，生无可恋，往下一跳死去之后，便可以不需要还债，也不要再负家庭的责任。于是，我就从十五楼跳下去；与此同时，我很清楚听见前面好像有人对我说话：“快祈祷，否则就会太迟了！神爱你。”那一刻，我大声喝问上天，“如果有神，你就让我看见你的爱！”

“不知怎的，在早上七点，我醒了过来的时候仍坐在露台上，并没有死去。我不明所以，及至两小时后，我的姐夫从香港来电，说要来新加坡见我；当时我的坏意念又来了，我打算以游说他投资为借口，向他借来二百万，好叫我可以再赌一铺，藉以翻本。

今天是你最后的机会 快祈祷神爱你

邓天兆在一次戒赌福音餐会上与众人合影留念

“星期日上午姐姐和姐夫请我陪他们去教会，为了讨好他们以便借钱给我，于是答应同去。下午回家后姐夫竟然要我坐下来听他“讲耶稣”，大家都知道赌徒的时间宝贵，如此这般便花了我四个半小时分流正觉可惜之际，奇怪的事发生了。在讲论的过程中，姐夫突然站起来，指着我说：“这不是办法，你要快快祈祷，否则就会太迟了！神爱你。”那声音似曾相识，也不像姐夫的声音。他先后三次这样告诫我，说话一次比一次有力。我想起昨天在露台，打算轻生时所听到的声音；于是我大哭起来，深感神原来真的是爱我的。

接着，他们又要邀请我参加了一个布道会。当日台上的牧师大声疾呼，好像指着我说：“今天是最后的机会，希望你能改变，神爱你。”当我听到这些熟悉又亲切的呼唤时，我放声痛哭，整个人降伏下来，接受耶稣作我的救主。”

奇迹出现 看见真神的大爱

“后来，当我们到机场送姐夫回港时，他拥着我，并告知日前在睡梦中，(原来就在我打算跳楼的同一时间)，圣灵苏醒并感动他，要立刻起程到新加坡去看望我；正如我向神祈求的─“如果你是神，你要让我看见你的爱。”那一刻，我哭着跟神说，“我虽然不知道你是谁，但我要认识你。”我实在看见神的伟大，他多次派遣人来劝止我，爱我、挽回我。神的爱大大感动了我，最终，我在九一年六月受浸成为基督徒。我能够作出这个决定，最开心的当然是为我祈祷了二十五年的家姐和姐夫，以及我那位流泪祷告多时、对我不离不弃的太太。他们一起流出喜乐的眼泪，看着我这个职业赌徒回头了。

赌徒咒诅化解 生命奇迹改变

《路15: 4》“你们中间谁有一百只羊失去一只，不把这九十九只撇在旷野，去找那失去的羊，直到找着呢？《路15: 17》我告诉你们：一个罪人悔改，在天上也要这样为他欢喜，较比为九十九个不用悔改的义人欢喜更大。

“就这样，我们邓家几代赌徒的咒诅给神化解了！自此以后，我不但与赌绝缘，而且还经常在教会做见证，告诫沉迷赌博的人，劝他们不要被这个罪恶捆绑。邓天兆有一段很长的时间，就在教会里全时间服事；后来，也当上财经顾问的工作，为的是赚点钱来支持一些基督教事工。”

从一个职业赌徒变成一个到处为神作见证的信徒，邓天兆生命的大改变，再次证明上帝是真的。你或你的家人可有沉溺在赌海之中无法自拔？这里有一位爱你们真神，等着你们回转。

Testimony…

 Listen for 4 min   

Fu Mingxia is a famous former Chinese diver, Leung Kam-chung is a successful Hong Kong business celebrity and later abandoned business to become financial secretary before being baptized in November 2009. Both of them witnessed the changes in their lives after their conversion.

According to the Distant Xinyue blog, Chinese diver Fu Mingxia and her husband Leung Kam-song, the former financial secretary of Hong Kong, testify to their faith. Fu Mingxia is a former famous Chinese diver, known as the queen of diving, and a three-time Olympic gold medalist. Leung Kam-chung was a successful Hong Kong business celebrity, having left business to become the Financial Secretary. They married in 2002 and were baptized in November 2009.

Fu Mingxia and Liang JinsongFu Mingxia: Fu Mingxia, a famous Chinese diver and three-time Olympic gold medalist, shared that an older friend was a little surprised to believe in the Lord, because, in his eyes, my career and family were quite smooth, why did I believe in the Lord?

Everything is God’s arrangement. At the end of 06 and the beginning of 07, Fu Mingxia and her mother’s family had an opinion over some things, and her husband was very incomprehensible, and she felt very uncomfortable as a daughter. At this time, Fu Mingxia talked to the parents of one of her daughter’s classmates, who was a devout Christian and began to pray together, after praying, her heart was completely peaceful, and her previous depression and unhappiness towards her family were completely swept away.

At the same time, the Christian friends around her suddenly invited Fu Mingxia to participate in the Bible study class, and after participating, in addition to learning Xi the teachings of Christ, she also learned a lot of principles of life. Her husband, Liang Jinsong, said that it happened to be him praying for Fu Mingxia at that time. Since then, for more than two years, Fu Mingxia and her husband have regularly attended Sunday worship services and weekly Bible study classes.

Fu Mingxia said that before believing in the Lord, her career and family development were relatively smooth, and she did not have many worries. But after having a child, there are more things to worry about. Especially when I see a large-scale disaster, I feel that people are really small, and I am worried about the present and future of my home.

After believing in the Lord, the biggest difference is that I feel at peace in my heart. Knowing that God will arrange the problems in my heart makes me feel much more relaxed. After believing in the Lord, praying every day has become an indispensable Xi for me, giving thanks every day, and confiding in the Lord about my problems. In addition, it is clear and certain that there is eternal life, that there is eternal hope, and that we no longer take the problems we face too seriously.

Like many people born and educated in Hong Kong, Leung had attended a church school for more than 10 years, singing hymns and reciting the Lord’s Prayer every day, but he did not have a great sense of the Lord before. After graduating from secondary school, both his studies and career went well. The so-called young people have no room in their hearts to accept the Lord.

He shared, “After I left Z/- House in 2003, my classmates taught me to know more about the Lord and helped me finish reading the book ‘Benchmark Life’. But I didn’t understand everything about life and God’s predestination, so I didn’t continue to look for God. ”

In 2006, he went to the Gangfu Church to attend the prayer. He said: “I thought back to my prayer to the Lord Jesus at the beginning of ’04 and later learned that He had answered my prayer and that I had been pursuing what I had exchanged with the Lord and promised me to give up. I decided to become a Christian in early 2007 and have since told my friends about my experience and benefits. ”

Liang Jinsong testified that after believing in the Lord, he felt that the burden on his shoulders was lighter. When you come to know the Lord, you know that He is the leader in everything. In layman’s terms, there is a “big guy to follow”, and the mood is much more relaxed. Besides, knowing that believing in the Lord leads to eternal life, the things of this world are relatively less important.

Finally, Leung said, “The Lord Jesus taught us to walk with righteousness, to be merciful, to walk with humility, and to walk with God. I’m still learning Xi, especially Xi’s humility. I hope that in the future, I will follow the Lord’s command to glorify God, benefit others, and do my best. ”

恩典见证 28.伏…

音频 4 分钟

伏明霞是中国前著名跳水运动员，梁锦松是成功的香港商界大腕，后曾弃商从政出任财政司司长，2009年11月受洗。两人纷纷见证信主之后，生活的改变。

据远方的心月博客分享，中国跳水运动员伏明霞及丈夫梁锦松前任香港财政司长信仰见证。伏明霞是中国前著名跳水运动员，被称为跳水女皇，曾是三届奥运金牌得主。梁锦松是成功的香港商界大腕，后曾弃商从政出任财政司司长。他们于2002年结婚，2009年11月受洗。

伏明霞与梁锦松伏明霞：中国著名跳水运动员、三届奥运金牌得主伏明霞幸福一家伏明霞分享说，有一位年长一点的朋友对信主觉得有点惊讶，因为在他眼中我事业与家庭都颇顺利，为什么会信主呢？而且，我以前在国内时也拜过佛，受过密宗活佛灌顶。

一切都是上帝的安排。06年底07年初伏明霞与娘家因一些事情闹意见，与丈夫都非常不能理解，作为女儿心里很难受。这时，伏明霞与女儿的一位同学的家长谈起，她是虔诚基督徒，开始一起祷告，祷告后心里完全平和了，之前的郁闷和对家人的不快感觉，完全一扫而光。

与此同时，身边的基督徒朋友也忽然很积极邀请伏明霞参加查经班，参加后除了学习基督的教导外，也学了不少做人的道理。丈夫梁锦松说，当时恰好是他为伏明霞祷告。自此，二年多来，伏明霞和丈夫经常参加主日祟拜，及每周的查经班。

伏明霞说，信主前，她的事业及家庭发展比较较顺，顾虑不多。但有了孩子后，挂虑的事情多了。特别是看见大规模灾难，感觉人实在渺小，亦担心家的现在和未来。

信主后，最大的不同是心里觉得平安。知道心里的问题有上帝会安排，感觉是轻松多了。信主后，每天祷告成为我不可或缺的习惯，每天感恩，亦把问题向主倾诉。另外，亦清楚及肯定有永生，有了永恒的盼望，对现在面临的问题不再看得太重。

梁锦松和很多香港出生、受教育的人一样，读了十年以上的教会学校，每天唱圣诗、念主祷文，但之前对主没有很大的感觉。中学毕业后，学业及事业都较顺利。所谓少年得志，心里没有空间去接纳主。

他分享说，“2003年离开z /-府后有较多时间，以前同学教导我多认识主，并辅导我读毕《标竿人生》一书。但我对人生一切及上帝命定(Pre-destination) 不理解，便没有继续寻找神。”

2006年他到港福堂参加祟拜。他说：“当时回想到我04年初向主耶稣祷告，后来知道他答应了我的祈求，而我却一直追寻我曾与主交换、并承诺我放弃的事。2007年初我决志信主，之后并经常向朋友介绍我信主的经历和好处。”

梁锦松见证，信主后明显的感到肩上的担子轻了。认识主后，知道事事都有他带领。通俗一点说，是有“大佬可跟”，心情上是轻松多了。况且，知道信主可得永生，现世的事相对不是这么重要了。

最后梁锦松说，“主耶稣教我们要行公义、好怜悯、存谦卑的心、与神同行。我仍然在不断学习，特别是学习谦卑。我希望以后能紧跟主的命令，荣神、益人、尽己。”

Testimony…

 Listen for 8 min   

If you ask your friends whether they believe in God or not, you will be amazed to find that the reasons for the unbelievers are all similar (rationalism, materialism, etc.), while the reasons for the believers are different. Every Christian’s experience of becoming a Christian is different, and the process may seem bizarre, illogical, and flippant to non-Christian friends. But for a person who has experienced it firsthand, it is so real and believable.

Like all Chinese who were “born in New China and grew up under the red flag”, I received an atheistic education since I was a child, believed in Marxism-Leninism, and was determined to “fight for the cause of × for life”. When “the spring breeze of reform and opening up blew all over the motherland”, I was still a carefree college student. Curious and excited, I began to come into contact with a variety of “worldviews” and philosophies of life. As a result, in a short period of time, the concepts of education that had been instilled for more than ten years were abandoned by me.

Although I don’t know about it, I believe that I have embraced Western ideas such as “existentialism” and “pragmatism”. One of my favorite sayings at the time was, “Everything that exists is reasonable.” I no longer believe that there is anything absolute in the world, I believe that everything is relative: truth, right and wrong, and morality. It has become my goal to have fun and enjoy life while I am young.

All I think about all day long is how to make money and how to enjoy it. But when the coveted material life came true one by one, I found that these things were not attractive. My heart was even more empty, it was a deep emptiness in my soul. I look up to the sky: why do I exist here and now in the vast universe? If everything is accidental, and existence is absurd in the first place, then is it really like some philosophers say that suicide is the only way out?

At that time, Sanmao’s death caused confusion and confusion among my peers: how could a writer with such a successful career and so much experience think of ending his young and beautiful life? For a person who is extremely lonely in his heart, if life has no meaning in the first place, it is not a pity to end it, but on the contrary, it may be a relief.

I also thought about suicide when I was in pain, but I was reluctant to do so, and I always thought that life should be meaningful. So I became interested in religion, I read Buddhism, Taoism, and the Bible, and went to church. But none of this really freed me. I’m really like duckweed on the surface of the water, I don’t know where to float. The future has also lost its appeal to me, and my heart is restless all the time.

I came to the United States when I was desperately hopeless, empty and confused on the road of life. That’s because soon after I got married, my husband went to the United States to study, and half a year later, I also gave up my job in China to visit relatives in the United States to reunite with my husband. I never had much hope for the United States. In my impression, the United States is a desert of “spiritual civilization”, although its “material civilization” is leading in the world. The United States, as I know it through the eyes of an American modernist novelist, is a country where everyone is constantly on the run and desperately striving for fame and fortune (or the so-called “realization of self-worth”). And after having fame and fortune, they either go to the absurd or embrace nothingness. So I believe my answer is not in the United States.

However, the United States is a strange world after all, and since my husband has chosen to Xi study there, I am willing to “go out” to see it. To my great surprise, however, my husband had only been there for a few months when he told me in our “Wild Goose Story” that he had “believed” and become a Christian. This news surprised me, because I always felt that my husband was a thoughtful person who would not easily be superstitious and blindly believed.

This news also made me a little sad: How did my husband, a “man who understands,” suddenly become a slave of religion? I think he must have chosen religion because he was too lonely, too much in need of love, and empty in heart. I was heartbroken for him. At the same time, I also made up my mind that I must give my husband more love and care and drag him back from the church. At that time, I mailed my husband dozens of kilograms of Chinese books, which I believed belonged to “the essence of human civilization for thousands of years”. I hope that with this “spiritual food”, Mr. will no longer need religion as a “spiritual opium”. I am also prepared that when I arrive in the United States, I must use tender love to “save” my husband from the religion I don’t want to believe.

After I came to the United States, my husband seemed to be more and more convinced, and there was no sign of me being “redeemed”. It was I who came into contact with Christians and the Christian faith because my husband attended Bible study every week. My husband studied in Tower City, a small college town in Alabama. There’s a small Chinese Bible study class there: the Tacheng Chinese Christian Fellowship. As soon as I entered this Bible study class, I was immediately attracted by the warm and friendly atmosphere, and at the same time, I was surprised that most of the members of the Bible study class were international students and professors at the university where my husband studied. They were all energetic, confident, and capable, not illiterate or weak women, as I had imagined. Curious about the Christian faith, coupled with being drawn to Christian love, I went to Bible study almost every week, and because I wasn’t in school at the time, I had time to read a little bit of the Bible.

10,000 reasons, but I don’t think I need to be Christian. What are the benefits of being a Christian? Peace of mind? I feel that I have always been a person who is content and happy with what comes his way. To understand the sinful nature of human beings, I have long confessed that “no one is a saint or a sage.” “I confess that although I don’t kill people or set fires, I’m inherently sinful. But since everyone is like this, I’m not ashamed of it, and I don’t want to change. And I’m better than some Christians in many ways? I have self-discipline and I don’t need religion to do good.

As for heaven and hell, I think that’s a myth at all, and I don’t care about anything so far away and unfathomable. What’s more, if there is only absolute beauty in heaven, then what is the value of beauty? Beauty must be opposed to ugliness to show its beauty. Isn’t it too boring for believers in heaven to be with God every day, and all they do is sing songs and praises? More importantly, if I want to believe in one religion, why do I have to believe in Christianity? There are so many religions in the world that all say they are true, how can I know which one is true? In short, I have a thousand reasons not to believe, but none of them have one reason to believe.

Almost everyone from the mainland has had a similar experience: we used to believe some “beautiful” lies very, very innocently. When the old faith is smashed, it is very difficult to re-establish the faith, because it is very difficult to believe what the deceived people believe, not to mention the superficial similarities between the old and the new faith.

I remember when I first came to the United States, I attended a gospel camp and one of the speakers asked, “Have you ever seen a counterfeit seven-dollar bill?” and everyone replied in unison, “No.” Then the speaker asked, “Why not?” and no one knew how to answer. The speaker said, “Because there is no truth, there is no false.” This made me ponder: Is the existence of so many false gods in the world a proof of the existence of a true God? Moreover, everything that is “fake and shoddy” always tries to imitate the real thing in appearance. It is often said that the most brilliant liar is one percent lie mixed with ninety-nine percent truth. Because there is a fake, even if people encounter the real one, they will doubt it and can’t believe it, is it because I have encountered the fake one, and I can’t even believe the truth?

I have also seen such a “bet theory” (it is said that the original words were said by the great French thinker Pascal): If there is a God, you will make a lot of money if you become a Christian, but if you are not a Christian, you will be miserable; if there is no God, you will have peace and joy as a Christian all your life, and there is no harm in it, so you will only make money and not lose money by betting on “faith…… But I can’t bet on my faith. I still don’t want to be blindly trusted.

I read a lot of books and wanted to seek the truth. I have read “Ironclad Evidence”, which is of great help to many people, and I no longer doubt the authenticity of the Bible; I have read “Scientific Creationism” and no longer have superstitious beliefs about the “theory of evolution”; I have read “The World’s Major Religions”, “The Comparison between Christianity and Islam”, “The Book of Mormon”, etc., and have gained more knowledge and understanding of other non-Christian religious beliefs. I also read some expository books while reading the Bible, which was also very helpful in answering some of the questions in the Bible that have been bothering me.

Many of the obstacles to reason have been removed, but I still don’t want to become a Christian. Emotionally, many Christians around me have set a good example for me, and I want to be able to love each other with them and love others as they do. But why am I still reluctant to become a Christian? Looking back now, behind many excuses, it was my hard-hearted refusal to accept God. Because deep down I knew very well that being a Christian meant that I no longer belonged to this world and that I had to say goodbye to my past. And I still have too much nostalgia for the world and my past, and there are too many things that are difficult to let go of.

Another “reason” was that I was preparing for the GRE test at the time, and I wanted to take the test on my ability, to prove that I was relying on strength rather than relying on God’s protection, and to achieve my dream of going to school. It has been said that faith has several aspects: feelings, reason, and will. Indeed, even when I was emotionally and intellectually attached to the Christian faith, I still “chose” not to believe in God—a decision made by the will.

Someone said to me that your husband believed in the Lord before you, and it should be logical for you to be influenced by him and become a Christian again. My husband knows this best: I am a person with a particularly heavy “rebellious mentality” and likes to raise the bar with others. If you say that Christianity is bad, I may “defend” Christians, and if you say that it is good to be a Christian, I will try to find a reason to oppose it. So I went to Bible study for more than a year, and every time I was willing to argue with others, I became a “senior catechumen” who was an old “seeker” and did not believe in the Lord. My husband is an anxious person, but when it comes to my faith, he knows that I can’t be in a hurry, so he is quite calm and never pushes me.

That Christmas I went with my husband to Atlanta to attend a Christian meeting. Because I was not yet a Christian, I had to attend “catechumens.” Most of the people in this class had just come to the United States from China and had little understanding of Christianity and the Bible. The questions I asked seemed to me to be “rudimentary” and superficial, questions that had been asked countless times by others and that I had heard Christians answer countless times. I couldn’t resist “helping” the presiding Christian’s answer, which made people wonder why I hadn’t come to faith yet. On the last day of the meeting, a pastor we knew said he was going to lead me in prayer. I was immediately “alert” and knew what a “decision” was. I quickly affirmed that I would not make up my mind, and the pastor laughed and said that we could still pray together. So I prayed to the pastor, “God if you really exist, help me and open my heart so that I may know you and receive you.”

Coming back from that party, I was busy preparing for the GRE again. There was no particular emotion, no miracles, and I forgot to pray to the pastor, just listening to my husband pray for my exams every day before going to bed. My English foundation is not very good, it is really sad to take the GRE, and I often worry about not making progress in Xi for a long time, but my husband’s prayers and encouragement give me a lot of comfort.

One day when we went to Sunday service, after the pastor finished the sermon, everyone sang a song that they had heard many times before: “Just As I Am.” It was a song with great lyrics, and it was very moving. As I listened that day, tears began to fall. I knew my time had come. God has been patient with me again and again, and because of my hard heart, I have given me many opportunities, and now it is time for me to turn back, to return. Then I said, “Forgive me, O God, my stubbornness and my pride, and I will accept you as my Savior, and the Lord of my life, and I will give you my whole life to be in charge of you…… This is the first time I have asked someone else to “take control” of my life, but what is there to be ashamed of when I am prostrated before the Creator of heaven and earth?

The GRE test in February was fast approaching, and as I had done every time I faced an important test, I felt that I was not fully prepared, I was very nervous, and I was afraid that my mind would go blank when I went to the test room. After the exam, I left the examination room, and my husband, who was waiting outside, came over and asked me how I felt. I said that I was a little nervous when I first entered the examination room, so I started praying, and then I didn’t feel nervous at all, and I answered the questions very quickly, and many of the questions seemed to be “déjà vu”, and I couldn’t remember where I saw them. The gentleman didn’t say much. When the results came down, the score was far better than when I usually did the mock test, which can be said to be “super level performance”. My husband and I knew in our hearts that it was God’s gift for my little weak faith that I had first believed. So, having just come to faith and most afraid to speak in front of people, I testified in the church fellowship that “I found favor at the first faith.”

The lonely earth looks back on the road he has traveled in this life, and it can be said that it is very smooth. I grew up in a harmonious family, my parents loved me, and my siblings were close to each other. My studies have been smooth sailing, from primary school to university, I have always been a good student and class cadre in the class, and after graduation, I was assigned to work in a research unit in my hometown with an absolute counterpart, and I was also reused by the leaders and listed as a “key training object”. When I reached the age of marriage, I married a gentleman who loved me and loved me, and had good quality and character. In the eyes of the world, I have everything I should have materially and spiritually, and I should be very satisfied. But why do I still feel empty and irritable, and why do I still feel a lingering sorrow in the bustling streets, after a short period of happiness?

In the past, I thought that this was because the earth was lonely in the vast universe, so people on the earth also had an innate loneliness and despair. Now I realize that I have this feeling of loneliness and hopelessness because I have left God, so I have no peace of mind. As the philosopher said, there is a hole in the human heart, and this hole cannot be filled with anything in the world – money, fame, health, friendship, family affection, love – only God can fill it. I think it’s because we are God’s creation, and in his own image. He puts the “Spirit” in our hearts, so that we will only find true satisfaction and peace when our Spirit is connected and communed with God.

Ever since I came to know God, I have finally found my place in life, and since then my wandering mind has found peace. I know where I’m coming from, where I’m going, and I know the true meaning of life. I began to learn to cherish every day of my life and my marriage even more. When I got married, I didn’t have the luxury of having a happy marriage, because I didn’t believe that there would be any happy marriages in the world, and I didn’t believe in the “fairy tale ending” of “staying together for life” and “growing old”.

After I became a Christian, I came to realize that I was selfish, self-willed, strong, and unloving, and I realized how considerate and caring my husband was for me at every turn. In the past, I used to look forward to a “vigorous” life, but now I have experienced God’s care and the beauty of life in my seemingly ordinary life day after day. Three years ago, God gave us a lovely little baby, and for three years I have been studying, working, and taking care of children, and we have experienced God’s presence in the ups and downs. Not only did we come one step at a time, but our family was very loving. I would say that the greatest blessing of my life has been the knowledge of Jesus Christ. In the future journey of life, I may encounter all kinds of difficulties and trials, but I have no fear of facing tomorrow, because I am convinced that “no matter what the circumstances, I have been led by the Lord”.

恩典见证 27.一…

音频 8 分钟

如果你去问周围的朋友信不信上帝，你会惊奇地发现，不信者的理由都是相似的（理性主义、唯物主义等等），而信者的理由却各不相同。每个基督徒信主的经历都不一样，其过程在非基督徒朋友眼里似乎都有点离奇、不合逻辑、轻率。但对於一个有切身体验的人来说，却是那麽真实可信。

行乐须及春和所有“生在新中国，长在红旗下”的中国人一样，我从小受的是无神论教育，相信马列主义，并且立志“为×事业奋斗终身”。当“改革开放的春风吹遍祖国大地”的时候，我还是个无忧无虑的大学生。带著好奇与兴奋，我开始接触各种各样的“世界观”和人生哲学。结果在短短的时间内，十几年灌输教育的那些观念，便被我抛弃。

虽然并不是真正的了解，但我相信自己接受了“存在主义”、“实用主义”等等西方思想。那时候我最喜欢的一句话是“凡是存在的都是合理的”。我不再相信世界上还有任何绝对的东西，我相信一切都是相对的：真理、是非、道德……趁著年轻及时行乐、享受人生，便成了我的目标。

我一天到晚所思所想就是怎样赚钱，怎样享受。但是当梦寐以求的物质生活一一实现了的时候，我发现这些东西并没有真正的吸引力。我的心更加空虚，那是一种灵魂深处的空虚。我仰望苍天：茫茫宇宙为什麽我要在此时、此地存在？如果一切都是偶然，生存原本就是荒诞的，那麽真的像有的哲学家所说，自杀便是唯一的出路？

当时三毛的死曾引起我的同龄人的迷惑与不解：一个事业有成、经历如此丰富的作家，怎麽会想到要结束自己年轻而美好的生命？可是我认为我理解三毛。对一个内心极端孤独的人来说，如果生命原本没有意义，结束也就谈不上可惜，相反地倒可能是一种解脱。

痛苦的时候我也想到过自杀，但是我心又不甘，总认为生命应该是有意义的。於是我开始对宗教感兴趣，看佛教、道教的东西，也看过圣经，去过教堂。但是这一切并没有真正让我解脱。我真的是像水面的浮萍，不知道要飘向何处。未来也对我失去了吸引力，我的心终日烦燥不安。

“抢救”丈夫在人生的道路上极度无望、空虚迷惘的时候，我来到美国。那是因为结婚後不久，先生就赴美留学，半年後我也放下在国内的工作到美国探亲与先生团聚。对美国，我从来没有抱太大的希望。在我的印象中，美国是一个“精神文明”的荒漠，虽然它的“物质文明”在世界领先。我透过美国现代派小说家的眼睛所了解的美国，是一个每个人都为了名利（或者所谓“自我价值的实现”）而不停地奔波、拼命地奋斗的国家。而在拥有了名利以後，他们要麽走向荒诞，要麽拥抱虚无。所以我相信我的答案不在美国。

不过美国毕竟是一个陌生的世界，既然我的先生选择了到那里学习深造，我也愿意“出去”看看。然而让我大为吃惊的是，我先生刚刚去了那里几个月，便在我们的“鸿雁传书”中告诉我，他已经“信主”成了一名基督徒。这个消息让我意想不到，因为我一直觉得先生是挺有思想、不会轻易迷信盲信的人。

这个消息也让我有点悲叹起来：我先生这样一个“明白人”，怎麽就一下子变成了宗教的奴隶？我想他一定是一个人在外太孤单、太需要爱、心灵太空虚，所以才选择了宗教。我当时的心情真的是为他很心痛。同时我也暗下决心：一定要给先生更多的爱和关怀，把他从教会拖回来。我当时就给先生邮寄了几十公斤的中文书籍，都是我认为属於“几千年来人类文明的精髓”的。我希望有了这些“精神粮食”，先生就不会再需要宗教这个“精神鸦片”。我也做好准备，到美国後一定要好好用温柔的爱，把先生从我不愿意相信的宗教里面，“挽救”回来。

我来到美国後，先生好像越信越深，没有一点被我“挽回”的迹象。倒是我，因为先生每周参加查经班活动的缘故，开始接触基督徒和基督教信仰。我先生就读的地方，是阿拉巴马州的一个小小的大学城塔城。在那里有一个小小的华人查经班：塔城华人基督徒团契。一进到这个查经班，我立即被那种友爱温馨的气氛所吸引，同时让我吃惊的是，查经班的绝大多数成员，都是我先生就读的这所大学的留学生和教授。他们个个都是充满活力、自信能干的样子，并不像我想像中的那样要麽是大字不识的文盲，要麽是软弱无能的妇女。对基督徒的信仰的好奇，加上受到基督徒的爱心的吸引，我几乎每周都去查经班，而且因为我当时还没有上学，所以也有时间读一点圣经。

一万条理由但是我觉得我不需要信基督教。当基督徒有什麽好处？内心的“平安”？我觉得自己从来就是个随遇而安、知足常乐的人。为了认识人的罪性？我早就承认“人非圣贤，孰能无过。”我承认自己虽然不杀人、不放火，但在本质上是有罪性的。但是既然人人都如此，我也并不为此感到羞愧，也不想改变。再说我在很多方面比有的基督徒做得还要好呢？我有自律的能力，不需要通过宗教才能行善。

至於天堂和地狱，我认为那根本是“神话”，而且我也不在乎那麽遥远不可测的东西。更何况如果天堂里面只有绝对的美好，那美还有什麽价值？美要跟丑相对立才能显出其美丽麽。天堂里面信徒天天跟上帝在一起，做的事情只有唱歌赞美，岂不是太枯燥乏味？更重要的一点是，如果真要信一个宗教，我为什麽一定要相信基督教呢？世上有这麽多宗教，都说自己是真的，我又怎麽知道到底哪一个是真的呢？总之，我有一千个理由不信，却没有一条理由信。

从大陆来的人几乎都有相似的经历：我们曾经很很纯真地相信了一些“美丽”的谎言。当旧有的信仰被砸碎後，重新建立信仰就很难了，因为要上过当受过骗的人再相信什麽是很困难的，更何况新旧信仰之间表面上还有一些相似之处。

记得我刚来美国时参加过一个福音营，有一位讲员问大家：“你们有没有见过七美元的伪钞？”大家齐声回答：“没有。”讲员又问：“为什麽没有呢？”大家都不知道怎麽回答。讲员说：“因为没有真的，所以就没有假的。”这使我深思：世上有这麽多假神的存在，是不是恰证明了有一位真神存在？而且，凡“假冒伪劣”的东西，总是要在外表上尽量模仿真的。人们常说最高明的骗子是在百分之九十九的真理中掺入百分之一的谎言。由於有假的，人们即使遇到了真的，也会怀疑，不敢相信，我是否也是因为碰上过假的，就连真的也不敢信了呢？

我还曾经见过这样的一个“赌注论”（据说原话是法国大思想家帕斯卡说的）：如果真有上帝，你成为基督徒就大赚，不是基督徒就惨了；如果没有上帝，你当一辈子基督徒有平安喜乐，也没有任何害处，所以把宝押在“信”上是只赚不赔的……可我不能拿自己的信心当“赌注”。我还是不愿意盲信。

我看了不少的书籍，希望真正地探求真理。我看了《铁证待判》，这本对很多人都有很大的帮助的书，让我对圣经的真实性不再怀疑；我看了《科学创造论》，对“进化论”不再迷信；看了《世界几大宗教》、《基督教与回教的比教》、《摩门经》等，对其它非基督教的宗教信仰有了更多的认识与了解。又在读圣经的同时看了一些解经的书，对解答圣经中一些一直困惑我的问题也很有帮助.

理性上的很多障碍都已经消除，但是我还是不愿意成为一名基督徒。要说感情上，我身边的很多基督徒已经给我做了很好的榜样，我也希望能够跟他们互相友爱，希望像他们那样对他人充满爱心。可我为什麽仍然不愿意成为一名基督徒呢？现在再回过头去看，其实在很多藉口的背後，还是我的硬心拒绝接受神。因为在心灵深处我很清楚，当一名基督徒就意味著我不再属於这个世界，我必须与自己的过去告别。而我对这个世界、对自己的过去仍然有太多的留恋，有太多难以割舍的东西。

另外一个“理由”，是我当时正在准备GRE考试，我想要凭自己的能力去考，要证明自己是靠实力而不是靠上帝的保守，实现自己上学的理想的。有人说，信仰有几个方面：感情、理性和意志。确实，当我在感情和理性上都对基督教信仰认同以後，我仍然“选择”不信神──这就是意志所做的决定。

超水平发挥有人对我说，你先生比你先信主，你在他後面，受影响，再成为基督徒应该是顺理成章的。其实这一点我先生最清楚：我是个“逆反心理”特别重的人，喜欢跟人抬杠。你若说基督教不好，我可能会为基督徒“辩护”几句，你若说当基督徒好，我就会拼命挑刺找出反对的理由。所以我去了查经班一年多，每次都是乐於跟人争辩，成了一名老“慕道”不信主的“资深慕道友”。先生是个急性子人，但是在我信主的事情上，倒是知道急是急不来的，所以还挺沉得住气，也从不催逼我。

那年的圣诞节我跟著先生一起去亚特兰大，参加一个基督徒的聚会。因为我还不是基督徒，所以只能参加“慕道班”。这个班上大部分人都是刚从国内来美国不久，对基督教和圣经了解很少。他们提的问题我觉得都很“初级”、肤浅，都是别人已经问过无数次、我也听基督徒回答过无数次的问题了。我就忍不住“帮助”主持的基督徒回答，搞得人家很奇怪我为什麽还没有信主。聚会的最後一天，我们熟悉的一位牧师说要带领我祷告。我马上就很“警觉”，我可知道什麽叫“决志”。我赶紧申明我不会决志，牧师笑说还是可以一起祷告麽。於是我跟著牧师做了这样一个祷告：“神啊，如果你真的存在，求你帮助我，打开我的心，好叫我认识你、接受你”。

从那个聚会回来，我又开始忙著准备GRE考试。没有特别的感动，也没有什麽奇蹟出现，我也忘记了跟牧师做的祷告，只是每天睡觉前听先生为我的考试祷告。我的英文根底不太好，要考GRE真的是非常愁苦，常常为复习多时没有进步而烦恼，先生的祷告和鼓励倒是给我很多安慰。

直到有一天去主日崇拜，牧师讲完道後大家唱一首以前听过多次的歌：《照我本像》（Just As I Am）。那是一首词曲俱佳的歌，非常动人。那天我听著听著，眼泪就止不住地掉了下来。我知道我的时候到了。神对我一再宽容、忍耐，也因为我的硬心给我很多机会，现在我该回头、该归回了。我便说，神啊，求你赦免我的顽梗和骄傲吧，我愿意接受你做我的救主，我生命的主，我要把自己的一生都交给你，让你掌管……这是我第一次要别人“掌管”我的生命；但是，我是俯伏在天地万物的创造者面前，又有什麽可羞愧的呢？

二月份的GRE考试很快就到了，我跟以前每次面临重要考试一样，觉得自己还没有完全准备好，十分紧张，害怕上了考场就脑子里面一片空白。考完出了考场，等候在外面的先生过来问我感觉怎样。我说刚进考场时有点紧张，於是我开始祷告，後来便一点也不觉得紧张了，题也答得挺快，有好多题彷佛“似曾相识”，又想不起来在哪里看到过。先生没有多说什麽。等成绩下来，分数远比我平时做模拟考的时候好，可以说是“超水平发挥”。我和先生心里知道这是神给的，他眷顾初信的我的微小软弱的信心。於是，刚信主不久而且最害怕在众人面前讲话的我，在教会团契中开口做了“初信之时，我蒙恩惠”的见证。

孤独的地球回首自己这一生走过的路，可以说是非常顺利。我生长在一个和睦的家庭，父母疼爱我，兄弟姐妹之间亲密相处。我的学业一帆风顺，从小学到大学，一直是班上的好学生、班干部，毕业後分配在家乡一个专业绝对对口的研究单位工作，也很被领导重用，列为“重点培训对象”。到了婚嫁的年龄，又嫁了个爱我疼我，素质、人品都好的先生。在世人眼里，物质上、精神上该有的我都有了，我应该很满足了。可我为什麽还是一直感到空虚、烦躁？我为什麽仍然常常在热闹的街头、在短暂的快乐之後，感到一种挥之不去的忧愁？

以前我认为，这是因为地球在茫茫的宇宙当中是孤独的，所以地球上的人也就有一种与生俱来的孤独与绝望。现在我才明白，我有这种孤独和绝望的感觉，是因为我离开了上帝，所以心灵得不到安宁。正如哲学家所说：在人心里有一个洞，这个洞用世上任何东西──金钱、名利、健康、友情、亲情、爱情都不能填满，只有上帝才能够填补。我想这是因为我们本是上帝所造，且是照著他自己的形像所造。他把“灵”放在我们心中，因此，只有当我们的灵与上帝接上、相通的时候，我们才会得到真正的满足和平安。

自从我认识了上帝，我终於找到了生命的归宿，从此我那漂泊不定的心灵得到了安宁。我知道了我从何处来，要往哪里去，我知道了生命真正的意义。我开始学会珍惜生命中的每一天，也更珍惜我的婚姻。当我结婚的时候，我根本没有奢望有幸福美满的婚姻，因为那时我根本就不相信世界上会有什麽幸福美满的婚姻，我也不相信“终身相守”、“白头到老”的“童话故事结局”。

在我成为基督徒以後，我逐渐认识到自己的自私、任性、好强和缺乏爱心，更体会到先生处处都对我那麽体贴和关怀。以前的我曾经期盼过一种“轰轰烈烈”的生活，而今的我在日复一日、看似平凡的生活中，体会到了上帝的看顾和生活的美好。三年前神赐给我们一个可爱的小宝宝，三年来我读书，先生工作，还要带孩子，我们在酸甜苦辣中经历了神的同在。我们不但一步步走了过来，而且我们的家庭恩爱有加。我要说，我一生中最大的福分是认识了耶稣基督。在今後的人生旅途上，或许我还会遇到各种各样的困难和考验，但是面对明天，我毫无惧怕，因为我深信“无论何环境，我已蒙主引领”。

恩典见证 26.我…

音频 8 分钟

旅美科技工作者。四川成都人，复旦大学化学系毕业。1992年赴美留学，1995年至今在美从事化工科研开发工作，曾任研发工程师、技术经理，现为咨询公司主管。1995年始触中文网，十年来在中文网络上发表大量文帖，内容涉及宗教、科学、社会、文化等方面，被称为“网络先锋”。美国校园特邀讲员，网络电视台嘉宾。创建管理“基甸连线”网站和“哈比人博客”，著有《穿越网络的信仰思辨》。

我一直认为，每个人信主的经历本身都可以说是一件“神迹”，因为太多看来完全不可能信主的人，都被那位又真又活的宇宙万物的真神寻见。就说我自己吧，以大陆年轻一代“知识分子”的背景，又是学自然科学的，今天能够信主得救，真的全是神的恩典。

我出身於一个大陆知识分子家庭，父母都是医学院毕业，毕业後被“分配”到生活艰苦、气候“高寒”的四川藏族地区工作。我从小由外婆带大，才得以留在城市受一些的教育。小时候算是一个“听话懂事”的孩子。读中学时高考制度已经恢复，我虽然年纪尚小，但头脑中已经知道只有考上大学才是唯一的“出路”，才能摆脱回父母那里工作的“命运”。於是更加发奋努力读书，後来考入复旦大学。大学期间除了专业（化学）方面的学习，也拚命吸收其它方面的知识，对西方思想、文化渐渐产生兴趣，同时也形成了一种建立在自我上面的“个人奋斗”的“人生观”。

那时的我虽然对“官方”的意识形态已经怀疑、反叛，但在信仰上并没有太多的思考和追求，内心还骄傲地认为：“除了自己，什麽也不信。”大学毕业後回到成都工作，进入社会，仍然是没有信仰可言。一方面在打麻将这样的“娱乐”中消磨光阴，一方面却又还有点“不甘沉沦”，因著心中那一点点残存的中国“知识分子”传统的“忧国忧民”之心，也还想追求一点点“理想”。尽管当时的“理想”概念是模糊的，大概也就是“为国家、为人民做点有益的事情”之类的想法吧。当时觉得自己挺不错的，总比完全对“理想”这一类东西漠不关心的同辈，“垮掉的一代”好一点吧。

青年知识分子 – 精神上最大的苦闷其实就是没有一个立命安身的信仰，对人生意义和自己的价值的迷茫。我拚命试图摆脱这种迷失，但是对名利的追求让我不能得到真正的满足，“劳民伤财”的“娱乐”无异於“饮鸩止渴”，社会上的世态更让我认识到人心的诡诈险恶。我开始认识到“问题的核心是人心的问题”，同时更看到自己的渺小可悲：以自己身上无可救药的“人性的弱点”，连自己都无法“超越”，还谈什麽“修身、齐家、治国、平天下”？

痛苦当中我朦胧地意识到对一种超越的信仰的需求。我开始更多地看一些哲学、宗教方面的书。从西方哲学，到中国传统思想，从佛、道、老、庄，到存在主义，甚至气功、命相，我从这些当中偶尔也能看到人类智慧的闪光，但是这些东西并不能给我生命意义的答案。关於基督教的书我也读了一些，其中多半是怀疑、批判、甚至谩骂攻讦的。少数比较公允的也只是把基督教思想作为西方精神支柱之一的一种哲学思想来加以介绍。倒是有一本名为《拯救与逍遥》的书

从“比较哲学”的角度把基督教信仰体系同其它东西方哲学宗教放在一起“比较”。书中虽然没有什麽结论，我看完却对基督教信仰产生很深的景仰，对这种对上帝的信仰产生了向往。就在这段时间内我通过认识一些基督徒，对活生生的基督教信仰也有了一些接触。1990年我为了挣些“第二职业”的“外快”去考了业馀英语导游的执照。当时有一个英国“气垫船长江科学考察团”的中方陪同通过旅行社雇我去当翻译。这个考察团是要用气垫船往长江上游“探险”，逆流而上直到长江源头。

我觉得很有意思，加上也想挣点钱，所以向单位请了假参加这次不同寻常的“长漂”。後来我才知道这个团里几乎所有成员都是基督徒，他们在英国都有自己的事业和家庭。他们自愿组队，每个人自己掏腰包到中国来搞这次活动，并不是为了旅游消闲。除了地理、地质、材料、医学等方面的科学考察研究外，他们还有一个重要的目的，就是利用气垫船这一现代交通工具尝试给长江上游这样的闭塞地区传医送药、引进现代科技，进行人道援助等等的可能性。但是他们这一活动几经周折，不但历经艰险，要与长江上游恶劣的自然环境抗争，还要克服各种人为的阻碍。尽管他们有国务院的批文，还是不得不成天与官僚主义和一些唯利是图的中方人员打交道，有时连我这个翻译都不免沮丧。但是我看到他们这些基督徒却是耐心地祷告，仰望他们的上帝，用极大的爱心来宽恕、理解别人。

在长江上游和他们朝夕相处，风雨同舟一个多月，他们并没有机会系统地向我传讲福音，但是我从他们面对艰难险阻的态度，从那种超越的信仰的自然流露中，看到了他们的信仰带给他们的力量，看到了对上帝的信靠对他们生活的积极影响。这种活生生的“见证”远比书本上的哲学真实可信，让我对基督教信仰有了好感，也在无形当中抵销了一些先入为主的成见和误解。这次“长漂”以後，我的一位学英语的朋友告诉我他已经信主，并且邀请我去参加他们一邦青年基督徒的“家庭聚会”。我於是有机会见到了新一代的中国基督徒，看到、听到这一群跟自己背景相似的年轻人怎样祷告、查经、唱诗、分享。不过我当时只是抱著“看看”的态度，对基督教信仰的认同仍然还是停留在文化、知识的层面上，我自己想都没想过要去“信主”，让这种信仰同自己的生命发生关系。

〔求学美国〕92年8月我来到美国求学。每个从大陆出来的人都有一大篇出国的“过五关斩六将”的曲折故事，我当然也不例外。单位的“挽留”，考“托福”、考GRE、申请资助的困难，更不在话下。我在成都签证时就在美领馆前面排了四天四夜。更“玄”的是，直到签证前一天的下午我才拿到第二次寄给我的I-20表！我当时虽然还未信主，也恍惚感到冥冥之中有一双慈爱的手在带领。

刚到美国的时候（我当时在阿拉巴马大学），生活上的不习惯、与妻子分开的孤独，让我一下子面临很多困难。但是我一到阿拉巴马，就有同乡、同系的“老刘”到机场来接我（我以前并不认识他）。他们一家在那段时间更是从各方面给我很多帮助，用车载我跑这跑那成了常事，而我很快得知他们那时刚刚信主成为基督徒。通过他们，我又渐渐认识了更多的华人及美国人基督徒朋友，这些“弟兄姐妹”从生活上、精神上给了我很多的帮助，也带我去“查经班”和教会。

我从他们身上看到满有上帝之爱、满有平安喜乐的生命闪光，让我再次对这种真实的生命背後的信仰产生向往。在“查经班”查考圣经更让我有机会直接、真实地了解基督教信仰的基本要义。开始时我当然也有问不完的问题，不过因为查经班的气氛非常自由、活跃，我也就毫不客气、大胆（甚至刁钻）地向基督徒朋友们提问，与他们辩论，而弟兄姐妹总是耐心解答、谦虚讨论。我渐渐意识到自己以前对有神论、对基督教信仰的偏见和误解，也开始突破一些以前自己以为是“科学理性”的阻拦。圣经的真伪、进化论与神创论的比较、基督教与其它宗教的区别 – 反覆的思考、讨论，使我越来越从理性上认同基督徒的信仰。圣经和主耶稣的话更是常常震撼、感动我的心灵。

〔生命的改变〕92年10月的一个主日，我在当地的一个美国教会参加崇拜。当天美国牧师证道具体讲的什麽我都记不得了，但我的心被上帝之爱深深感动。当牧师讲道後“呼召”，请愿意在那个时刻接受主耶稣的人走上前去的时候，我虽然心里仍有挣扎、仍有那麽多不能明白的问题，但是我的感动是如此之深，我好像身不由己，移步走向前台，当众表明自己的决定，接受主耶稣进入我的生命，做我个人的救主和生命的主，让他管理我的一生。信主以後，我的生命在不知不觉中发生了非常多的改变，正像“瞎眼今得看见”一般，我的世界观、人生观、价值观彻底更新。以前以自我为中心、道德上自以为是、否定上帝存在的我，现在认识了神的创造和人的罪性，神也给我一颗顺服上帝、常常感恩的心。

以前对人生的意义苦苦探寻却一无所获，现在能够因著接受耶稣基督的爱而认识那一位创造宇宙万物、也创造生命气息的神，而且可以通过祷告、读神的话圣经，与神亲近，在生活中经历神的带领，每日出入得蒙神的看顾，劳苦愁烦时有了“精神支柱”，遇到困难时也有了力量的源泉。以前的我性格暴躁、自私好斗，现在靠著活在基督里面、靠著神的带领，我的脾气慢慢变好，在教会也能学习以爱心待人。最明显的例子，要算跟太太的夫妻关系。现在大家看我们都说是“恩爱、体贴”，其实我们俩原来性格、脾气并不都是那麽好，完全是因为信主後俩人能够时时一同祷告，按圣经的教导“彼此顺服”，美好的家庭生活才如此蒙神保守。我深深感到成为一个基督徒、做神儿女，使我的人生有了终极的信仰、目标，也给予我积极向上的人生态度。

我漂流的心灵不再流浪，迷失的灵魂回到了永恒的故乡。我自己在以前的学业、觅职及现在的工作等方面都得到神慈爱的带领，在精神上更是享受到神所赐的“更丰富的生命”，这样的“生活方式”带给我的是满有平静安稳的心境和超越环境的心灵满足与快乐。回顾我信主走过的路，我对神在我身上的恩典充满感激。以前曾经感叹命运像“上帝的骰子”，其实在上帝那里根本就没有什麽“偶然事件”。今天回头一看，我这一路“信仰之旅”，每一步无不是神恩手的牵引，每一程无不是神亲自的看顾。神的爱让我叹其奇妙，仰其深高，也巴不得能和自己的亲人朋友分享。朋友，如果你愿意打开你的心门，如果你真心渴慕寻求真理，我相信神也一定会将你寻著，让你也能享受到这“奇异恩典”，得著这永远的生命。因为这是神的心意，也是神的应许。“你们祈求，就给你们；寻找，就寻见；叩门，就给你们开门”。（太7：7）

Testimony…

 Listen for 8 min  

Science and technology workers in the United States. Born in Chengdu, Sichuan, he graduated from the Department of Chemistry at Fudan University. In 1992, he went to the United States to study, and since 1995, he has been engaged in chemical research and development in the United States, serving as an R&D engineer and technical manager, and is now the director of a consulting company. In 1995, he began to touch the Chinese network, and in the past ten years, he has published a large number of articles on the Chinese network, covering religion, science, society, culture, and other aspects, and is known as the “Internet pioneer”. Guest speaker on American campuses and guest on online TV stations. He founded and managed the Gideon Connection 

I have always believed that everyone’s experience of believing in the Lord can be said to be a “miracle” in itself because too many people who seem to be completely impossible to believe in the Lord have been found by the true and living God of the universe. Let’s just talk about myself, with the background of the younger generation of “intellectuals” in the mainland, and studying natural sciences, it is really all God’s grace to be able to believe in the Lord and be saved today.

I was born into a family of mainland intellectuals, and my parents both graduated from medical school after graduation, I was “assigned” to work in the Tibetan area of Sichuan, where life is difficult and the climate is “cold”. I was raised by my grandmother when I was a child, so I was able to stay in the city and get some education. When he was a child, he was an “obedient and sensible” child. When I was in middle school, the college entrance examination system had been restored, and although I was still young, I already knew in my mind that the only way out was to go to university, and I could get rid of the “fate” of going back to my parents to work . So he worked harder to study and was later admitted to Fudan University. In addition to Xi studying chemistry during college, I also struggled to absorb knowledge from other aspects and gradually became interested in Western thought and culture, and at the same time formed an “outlook on life” based on self-reliance on “personal struggle”.

At that time, although I was already suspicious and rebelled against the “official” ideology, I didn’t think much about and pursue my beliefs, and I proudly thought in my heart: “I don’t believe in anything but myself.” “After graduating from university, I returned to Chengdu to work and enter society, but I still have no faith at all. On the one hand, he wastes time in the “entertainment” of playing mahjong, but on the other hand, he is still a little “unwilling to sink”, because of the little remnant of the traditional “worrying about the country and the people” of Chinese “intellectuals” in his heart, he also wants to pursue a little “ideal”. Although the concept of “ideal” at that time was vague, it probably meant “doing something useful for the country and the people”. At that time, I thought that I was quite good, and it was better than my peers, the “Beat Generation”, who were completely indifferent to things like “ideals”.

Young intellectuals – The greatest spiritual anguish is the lack of faith in life, the confusion of the meaning of life and its value. I tried my best to get rid of this loss, but the pursuit of fame and fortune made me unable to get real satisfaction, the “entertainment” of “working people and wasting money” is tantamount to “drinking water to quench thirst”, and the state of the world in society made me realize the treacherous and sinister nature of the human heart. I began to realize that “the core of the problem is the problem of people’s hearts”, and at the same time, I saw my insignificance and pathetic: with my hopeless “human weakness”, I could not even “surpass” myself.

Amid my anguish, I was dimly aware of the need for a transcendent faith. I started reading more books on philosophy and religion. From Western philosophy to traditional Chinese thought, from Buddhism, Taoism, Lao, and Zhuang, to existentialism, and even Qigong and Destiny, I can occasionally see flashes of human wisdom, but these things do not give me the answer to the meaning of life. I also read a few books about Christianity, most of which were skeptical, critical, and even invective. The few fairer ones only introduce Christian thought as one of the spiritual pillars of the West. There is a book called “Salvation and Escape”.

From the perspective of “comparative philosophy”, the Christian belief system is “compared” with other Eastern and Western philosophical religions. Although there is no conclusion in the book, after reading it, I have a deep admiration for the Christian faith and a yearning for this belief in God. It was during this time that I was able to get some exposure to the living Christian faith by getting to know some Christians. In 1990, I went to get an amateur English tour guide license to earn some “extra money” as a “second career”. At that time, there was a Chinese escort from the British “Hovercraft Yangtze River Scientific Expedition” who hired me as an interpreter through a travel agency. The purpose of this expedition was to use hovercraft to “explore” the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, going upriver to the source of the Yangtze River.

I thought it was very interesting, and I also wanted to make some money, so I asked the unit for leave to participate in this unusual “long drift”. I later learned that almost all of the members of the group were Christians, and they had their careers and families in England. They volunteered to form a team, and each of them paid out of their pocket to come to China for this event, not for leisure purposes. In addition to scientific investigation and research in geography, geology, materials, medicine, etc., they also have an important purpose, that is, to use hovercraft, a modern means of transportation, to try to deliver medicine to isolated areas such as the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, introduce modern science and technology, and carry out humanitarian assistance. However, their activities have endured several setbacks, not only to fight against the harsh natural environment in the upper reaches of the Yangtze River but also to overcome various man-made obstacles. Despite the approval of the State Council, they still have to deal with bureaucracy and some mercenary Chinese personnel all day long, and sometimes even I, the translator, cannot help but be frustrated. But I saw that these Christians were patiently praying, looking to their God, and loving to forgive and understand others.

I spent more than a month with them in the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, and they did not have the opportunity to systematically preach the gospel to me, but I saw the strength of their faith and the positive impact of their trust in God on their lives from their attitude in the face of difficulties and dangers and from the natural outpouring of their transcendent faith. This kind of living “testimony” is far more authentic and credible than the philosophy in the books, which has made me feel good about the Christian faith, and it has also invisibly offset some preconceived preconceptions and misunderstandings. After this “long drift,” a friend of mine who was studying English told me that he had come to Christ and invited me to a “family meeting” of their young Christians in one state. I had the opportunity to meet a new generation of Chinese Christians and to see and hear how this group of young people from similar backgrounds prayed, studied, sang, and shared. However, at that time, I only had the attitude of “seeing”, and my identification with the Christian faith was still at the level of culture and knowledge, and I never thought of “believing in the Lord” and letting this faith have a relationship with my life. I came to the United States in August ’92 to study. Everyone who comes out of the mainland has a large number of twists and turns of going abroad to “pass five hurdles and kill six generals”, and I am certainly no exception.

The “retention” of the unit, the difficulty of taking the “TOEFL”, and the GRE, and applying for funding are not a problem. I waited in front of the U.S. Consulate for four days and four nights when I got a visa in Chengdu. What’s even more mysterious is that I didn’t get the second I-20 form sent to me until the afternoon of the day before my visa! Although I was not a believer at that time, I also felt a pair of loving hands leading me.

When I first arrived in the United States, I faced many difficulties at once due to the Xi of life and the loneliness of being separated from my wife. But as soon as I arrived in Alabama, “Lao Liu”, a fellow villager and fellow of the same lineage, came to pick me up at the airport. The family helped me a lot during that time, and it became a common thing for me to run here and there in a car, I soon learned that they had just become Christians at that time. Through them, I gradually got to know more Chinese and American Christian friends, and these “brothers and sisters” helped me a lot in life and spiritually, and also took me to “Bible study” and church.

I saw in them the flashes of life full of God’s love, full of peace and joy, and made me yearn for the faith behind this real life again. Studying the Bible in the Bible study allowed me to understand the basic essence of the Christian faith directly and authentically. At first, of course, I had endless questions, but because the atmosphere of the Bible study was very free and lively, I was unceremonious, and bold to ask questions and debate with my Christian friends, and the brothers and sisters always answered patiently and humbly discussed. I gradually realized my previous prejudices and misunderstandings about theism and Christianity, and I began to break through some of the barriers that I used to think of as “scientific reason”. The truth of the Bible, the comparison between evolution and creationism, the difference between Christianity and other religions – the repeated thinking and discussion made me more and more rationally agree with the Christian faith. The Bible and the words of the Lord Jesus have often shaken and touched my heart.

One Sunday in October ’92, I attended a service at a local American church. I can’t remember exactly what the American pastor said that day, but my heart was deeply touched by God’s love. When the pastor “called” after the sermon to ask those who are willing to accept the Lord Jesus at that moment to come forward, although I still have struggles in my heart and still have so many questions that I can’t understand, I am so deeply moved, I seem to be involuntary, I move to the front desk, make my decision in public, accept the Lord Jesus into my life, be my personal Savior and Lord of life, and let Him manage my life. After believing in the Lord, my life has undergone a lot of changes unconsciously, just like “blind eyes can see now”, my worldview, outlook on life, and values have been completely renewed. I used to be self-centered, morally self-righteous, and denied the existence of God, but now I know God’s creation and the sinful nature of man, and God has given me a heart of obedience to God and thanksgiving.

In the past, I searched hard for the meaning of life but found nothing, but now I can know the God who created all things in the universe and the breath of life because of the love of Jesus Christ, and through prayer and reading God’s Word and Bible, we can get close to God, experience God’s guidance in life, get God’s care every day, have a “spiritual pillar” when we are working and sorrowful, and have a source of strength when we encounter difficulties. I used to be irritable, selfish, and aggressive, but now by living in Christ and relying on God’s leading, my temper has gradually improved, and I can learn to love others in Xi church. The most obvious example is the relationship between husband and wife with his wife. Now everyone says that we are “loving and considerate”, but in fact, our original personality and temper are not so good, it is entirely because after believing in the Lord, the two of us can pray together from time to time and “obey one another” according to the teachings of the Bible, and the beautiful family life is so preserved by God. I deeply feel that becoming a Christian and being a child of God has given me the ultimate faith and purpose in my life, and it has also given me a positive attitude towards life.

My wandering soul no longer wanders, and my lost soul returns to its eternal homeland. I have been lovingly guided by God in my previous studies, job search, and current job, and I have enjoyed God’s gift of “a richer life” spiritually, this “lifestyle” has brought me a calm and stable state of mind and spiritual satisfaction and happiness beyond the environment. Looking back on the path I have traveled, I am grateful for God’s grace in me. I used to lament that fate is like “God’s dice”, but in fact, there is no “accident” with God at all. Looking back today, every step of my “journey of faith” is the traction of God’s grace and the care of God himself. God’s love makes me marvel at it, look up to it, and wish I could share it with my family and friends. Friend, if you are willing to open the door of your heart, if you truly desire to seek the truth, I believe that God will also seek you so that you too can enjoy this “amazing grace” and have this eternal life. For this is God’s will and God’s promise. “Ask, and it will be given to you, seek and find, and knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)