In more than 20 years of modeling, I have seen girls’ skirts getting shorter and tighter. At the age of 18, I chased that taste, went to parties and golden sporting events, lived in Manhattan, and was in celebrity circles, and I thought I was in control of the world. In a superficial society, who would mind how to stay dignified? Girl, we can’t find our true identity in the mirror.
Rachel Lee Carter is an international model with a career spanning more than 20 years, another of her status as a Bible College graduate and director of a faith-based institution called Modeling Christ.
I have dined in the mansion of the King of Spain and sailed aboard the Aladdin, the yacht of the King of Jordan. As a professional model for over 20 years, I have had the privilege of traveling the world and working for some of the most famous companies in the industry. I have experienced climates ranging from 114 degrees Fahrenheit to minus 44 degrees Fahrenheit and my career has been fulfilling and interesting.
I like to experience the latest fashion garments, paying attention to their styles and fabrics. One thing I’ve seen for more than 20 years is that designers in the fashion industry are pushing their boundaries with unseemly clothing. Shorts and skirts are getting shorter and tighter; Tops are getting smaller; jeans that deliberately expose women’s underwear; More transparent shirts. Many girls like me, who love fashion, accept all this without feeling any discomfort or shock, let alone realizing the impact this may have on their self-esteem, family, and the opposite sex. It seems that they live in a beautiful fairy tale that is harmless to humans and animals, and no one will be hurt because of it.
At the age of 18, I was scantily dressed and my speech was filthy
These are also my thoughts. I grew up in church, but that was just the environment in which I grew up, and I didn’t really understand the faith. In high school, I spent a lot of time trying to fit into my friends’ world, harassing unwanted children, getting into conflicts with other girls, lying about homework, and occasionally cheating. School assignments and church life have never been as important as cheerleading games.
Like most people I know around me, I still go to church. But I only wanted to be a “Christian” on Sundays or youth camp, and for the rest of the day, I didn’t care what God’s will was.
After high school, I moved to New York. That year, I was eighteen years old. I shared an apartment with three other girls in Queens, New York. Eventually, out of pride, I didn’t think I was fit to live in Queens, and I was going to live in Manhattan! Real models live there.
I lived a life of self-righteousness, doing whatever I wanted, without having to report my schedule to anyone or ask anyone’s permission. I socialize with celebrities, go to parties and prime-time sporting events. I thought I had the whole world, but I didn’t realize that the world had ruled me.
Just when everything seemed fine on the surface, I don’t know why, but my heart was full of pain and emptiness. On those lonely nights without parties, the things I was exposed to as a child quietly played an impact, and my heart longed for a relationship with Jesus. I remember that I had decided to follow Jesus many years ago, but my choice did not reflect my born-again life at all. I am full of pride that I go where I shouldn’t go and do things I shouldn’t. My language was filthy, my clothes were revealing, and my relationships were a mess.
However, this desire has fallen into a misunderstanding. Out of curiosity, I began to learn about popular astrology, came into contact with New Age religions, and became interested in other mysticisms. So, I began to doubt the faith I had accepted as a child. At the time I thought I was just part of pop culture, and then I learned that these were very dangerous. The Bible clearly mentions, “You plan so much that you get tired.” Let those who observe the heavens, those who look at the stars, and those who prophesy in the moon stand up and deliver you from what is coming to you. They shall be burned like broken straw by fire, unable to save themselves from the power of the flame; This fire is not a charcoal fire that can be grilled, nor is it a fire that can sit in front of it. (Isaiah 47:13-14).
However, God’s love for me gushed out, and He stepped in and began to take from my life those things that separated me from Him. There were fewer and fewer people booking modeling business, and my bank balance dried up quickly. So, I went to work in a bar and barely made ends meet. There I met two Christian models who shared similar experiences about their own escapes and doubts about God. I was comforted by their honesty, and they encouraged me to be honest with God about my doubts and tell Him that I was looking for the truth.
I was desperate to get what they had, so I re-entered the church and got advice from the pastor who led me back to the Bible and be honest with God. I read John chapter 3 and Romans chapter 6 verse 23 over and over again. I realized that I was a sinner, a hypocrite.
If a person does not know that she is lost, she will not be found. So, as a broken person, 19-year-old me, ask God for the grace of being born again. Jesus invited me, and He loved me so much that He was willing to suffer for my sins, even dying on the cross to bear the debt of my sins. I am free, I am a new creation. He changed the course of my life forever.
Who would consider “dignified” today?
I began to think: can a girl be free to dress fashionably in the style of the moment while maintaining the virtues of modesty? Keep thinking about it, and the question quickly becomes, what is modesty? What does modesty mean in different cultures today? What does it mean for generations before us?
In many Middle Eastern countries, for example, a modest garment is a wrap known as a burqa that wraps a woman from head to toe, revealing only the eyes. In some parts of Afghanistan and northwestern Pakistan, women even cover their eyes with mesh grilles. Women must wear such clothing even for personal safety. This is not fashion freedom.
A few years ago, I was shooting pictures for an English-language magazine in Marrakech, Morocco. This is one of my favorite jobs. It is full of bright colors, the smell of curry and other spices, and people riding camels. We stayed there from late July to early August and the average daytime temperature was 112 degrees Fahrenheit. Most of the time we photographed on the edge of the Sahara Desert or rode on the back of a beautiful white Arabian horse.
Due to the hot weather, we will take a long lunch break and then visit the largest traditional open-air market in Morocco. I can’t think of a better time to wear a tank top and shorts, but the guide suggested that all women must dress traditionally. I had to wrap my hair in a scarf and wear linen trousers that completely covered my arms. It’s so hot! But guides insist that only prostitutes dress “inappropriately” and that rebelling against the culture can be life-threatening.
In the history of Western culture, since the Victorian era, women have always had petticoats and hats in their wardrobes, and the style of skirts varies greatly, but there is one common feature: it must reach the ankle. Until the early 20th century, exposing the ankle was considered offensive.
It was not until the end of the 60s of the 20th century that fashion was combined with rebellion, and miniskirts were introduced. Since then, the way women look at fashion has shifted. In the public eye, bikinis, tights, hot pants, and many other clothes make people look revealing. This rebellion has also led to rampant drug abuse, promiscuity, and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS. This is where the fashion of society began to decline, and today we are still suffering its consequences.
You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to cater to bad tastes
What is a girl thinking when she buys the latest fashion outfits? The answer, of course, depends on her heart.
A few years ago, I was doing a beach shoot for a famous magazine, and I was the mannequin in the film. When I started shooting, my posture looked a little stiff and my eyes were dull. The makeup artist reminded me to shine like polished plastic. This interesting proposal got me excited about the shoot.
Unfortunately, in addition to hairstyles, makeup, and costumes, the art director came over and made a request with impunity. She took a real mannequin as a prop and wanted me to make various poses with it in a way that made me uncomfortable. Some people might say, what’s the big deal, it’s just a piece of plastic. I knew that eventually, the pictures would look filthy, so I protested.
The client was angry and called my broker. So, I walked into the dressing room, took out my clothes from the closet and changed them, and walked straight towards the door. It was my first time on set. The customer stopped me immediately and quickly proposed a solution. This time, they asked me to toss the mannequins aside.
When a girl is misdressed, she can become an opportunity to cause someone to commit a crime. I’m not repeating the old tune of “red face and bad water” to justify men’s evil deeds. I mean, when you’re with a guy, his eyes look at your clothes, but he can see what your decision is. You have to learn to take responsibility for your decisions. Most girls wear revealing clothes, which they are not unaware of, which draws men’s attention to sex.
The way you behave and dress will attract those who are willing to be attracted. One example that comes to mind is fishing. Some baits are used to attract certain types of fish. Similarly, how you decide to dress and act will appeal to certain types of men. Many books tell us that men are sensitive to visual stimuli. If you remember to remind yourself that you dress and behave as if you are fishing, it will not be unhelpful for you.
My husband, Daryl, is a former college athlete and enjoys watching sports on the big screen at home. More and more sports programs are now on the sidelines or in commercials during breaks in the air. When he sees, he consciously takes his eyes off the screen. He did this not want to give temptation a chance. James 1:15 says, “When lust conceives, it gives birth to sin; When sin grows, it gives birth to death. “This makes me often warn that the way I dress has become a temptation and a disaster for others.
Moderation is a virtue that inspires the dignity of women. Compared to following the patterns of the world and the trend of bare skin, dressing is a more courageous thing. We can dress freely without rules, maintain our love of shopping, and satisfy our desire for fashion without sacrificing integrity. But when our hearts draw near to Jesus, we transcend all these considerations.
This is not easy to do. When I did that, I lost a lot of events, old clients, and future job opportunities. It couldn’t have made me more famous, my clients and brokers were frustrated, but God has always protected my profession and reputation. Fashion should be fun and help women express themselves. However, a good model does not have to sacrifice her purity, dignity, or worth to cater to or even create bad tastes.
Don’t look for your identity in the mirror
The Bible says, “Therefore, brethren, I exhort you, in the mercy of God, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; It is only natural that you serve like this. Do not imitate this world, but change your minds as you renew and discover what is God’s good, pure, and pleasing will. (Romans 12:1-2) God is deeply concerned about how we present ourselves. We should no longer conform to the patterns of the world or the so-called new ways of living, and we should not behave or dress like this.
That doesn’t mean we have to wear flowing robes. In fact, the lady in chapter 31 of Proverbs, whose clothes were made of fine linen and purple fabric, one of the most expensive and fashionable garments of the era, was definitely a fashion pioneer. But I have no doubt that the Bible already makes it clear that she knows that modesty is more important than beautiful clothes.
What to wear when I’m not on set? What should I wear when I go to the mall, pool, or party? What about when I fly to a beach where no one knows me? We need to always be modest, not just dressed appropriately in church. If this is not a decision that manifests itself in everyday life, then I am a hypocrite, which is worse than dressing inappropriately.
Paul says, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not arrange for the flesh to indulge your lusts.” “We see that God teaches us a lot in the Bible about how to dress, but He teaches us more about how our hearts should be. Even a girl dressed in the simplest clothes would not have received God’s favor because of her modesty if she had not been “clothed in mercy, kindness, modesty, gentleness, and patience.”
You can change your heart and your wardrobe to proclaim Christ through proper clothing and behavior. Chambers writes, “His commands are difficult, but once we obey, they become sacred and easy.” “I am willing to use my own experience to prove that this is true, especially when it comes to modesty. If it weren’t for God’s work, how could I have gone from a vanity-hungry model and a fashion chaser to an advocate of the demure movement?
Truth sets people free. I am no longer a slave to the current culture and naked skin trends. I no longer believed the lie about weight, and I found my identity in Christ, not in the mirror. I now know that dignified and proper behavior and dress are pleasing to God.
These decisions protect me from the wrong attention, which also brings security to my husband. Other women also don’t have to worry about my sexual attraction to their husbands. I believe that my dress does not make people fall. My conscience is pure before God and man. I am more valuable than my body. I know that my attraction comes from the Lord within me, not from the image in the mirror that will soon disappear. He gives me eternal beauty.
After eating at noon, and cleaning up the children, the wife took the children into the room for a lunch break, I cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned up the “battlefield” left by the two children’s dinner, walked out the door, drove straight to the highway, there was no destination, just kept driving… There is only one thought in my mind: to escape this life as much as possible.
When I got home, the children woke up, then cleaned up, and came to the library, my wife took the two children to read and play, and I sat down alone in front of the computer. In the end, there is still no escape, and you still need to come back and face it, and then you will have to face cooking dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, and taking the children to read the Bible.
The heart is disturbed, depressed, and even a little desperate.
As a father, I need to spend a lot of time every day taking care of my two children, although I am very happy, at the same time, honestly speaking, a lot of depression, exhaustion, and even complaints, many times, really just want to escape, even if it is a short escape, even a moment of peace, for me, is precious.
Every morning, the children get up very early, and then I also get up early (around 7 o’clock) to take care of the two children, and the wife goes to prepare breakfast, or the wife takes care of the children, I go to prepare breakfast; After breakfast, I clean up the kitchen, and then I take the children to read or play; After a while, it will be lunch time, and the same procedure will be the same: I take care of two children, and my wife prepares lunch, or my wife takes care of the children, and I prepare lunch; After lunch, I clean up the kitchen, and then I take the children or go to the library, or to the park, or to the room; It’s not until dinner time in a while, and it’s still the same:.
After dinner, the wife takes the child into the room, I clean the kitchen, go into the room to take the child, the wife washes first, then I wash the child, then I take the child to read, read the Bible, then pray, then the wife takes the child to sleep, I go to read, write, read, look at the mobile phone. Of course, before that, I have to wash the bottle and clean up some other mess.
Between my wife and me, of course, there will often be disputes over the methods and ways of educating children, and there will also be mutual complaints or accusations, and each other is a little dissatisfied with each other, and even often quarrels and cold wars over this.
Sometimes, when I am alone with a child, there are many unexpected situations: the small one spills the water cup on the floor, I was just about to dry the floor, and the big one suddenly shouts: I want to go to the bathroom. When the big one came back from the toilet, the little one had already dried the floor with his own clothes, and by the way, he broke himself and cried alone in the room. Two children play together, constantly having accidents: grabbing toys, grabbing water cups, and then the two cries together. Pick up one, and the other one cries harder for you to hug.
I believe that such a scene should be familiar to many parents, especially to parents who have more than one child, these experiences may seem familiar, and the emotional changes in this are also interesting.
Often in such scenes, there is an inexplicable anger, an inexplicable grievance, or an inexplicable desperate atmosphere, which will produce a reproach of the spouse and take the anger out on the child or the spouse.
Once, I was cooking, my wife took the child, the little one wanted to play with the can, I said I couldn’t play, it was too dangerous, the wife said it’s okay, let her play, the big one was in the toilet, to watch, I didn’t pay attention, after a while, the little one was injured by the can, bleeding, crying. My first reaction was, of course: I told you a long time ago, right? Just don’t listen.
Such situations and even quarrels are commonplace.
Recently, because I spent a lot of time with children, I experienced more than before, experienced more than before, and experienced more deeply than before, so the sting was deeper and more real.
The reason why I accuse the other party is that I subconsciously think: I am stronger than the other party, if it is me, I will definitely take care of the children more than the other party, will definitely be more attentive and careful than the other party, and will definitely not let the accident happen, and the reason for the accident is the fault of the other party. That’s what I think in my subconscious, at least, it’s what I think in my subconscious. But the truth is that many times when I take my children, I also swipe my phone so that the children fall.
The reason for complaining or resentment is also because there is no deeper, more true understanding of God’s trust and responsibility to us as parents. It is known in theory, but it is not yet known in practice.
Despair is due to the fact that, in essence, we have not yet recognized our limitations: how limited we are as human beings, as parents, and how much we need God’s grace at every moment.
I am no stranger to these principles and principles, nor have I ever doubted them, and even often hold similar lectures in various places, which really makes many parents, including myself, get a lot of help. But in reality, when you can’t bear it again and again, when you face a messy room again and again when the child seems to be less cooperative again and again, these theories will fall apart in an instant. Then, you have to face the weakness, ugliness, and corruption in yourself, and you need to face the lack and dryness in yourself.
As a result, I began to understand (understand, not approve) why so many brothers like to come home and lie on the sofa and brush their phones instead of changing diapers for their children; Why many men like to be busy with work instead of taking care of their children; Why many fathers would rather go out to dinner with friends, colleagues, leaders than cook for their children. I began to understand that the essence of these phenomena is actually to some extent a desire to escape, from the exhaustion and despair of taking care of children, from the powerlessness and resentment of taking children. Escape as much as possible, escape as brightly as possible.
To be honest, I also wish I could lie on the couch and swipe my phone, I also wanted to hide in the library every day, and I also liked that I could leave my child alone with my wife every day.
Two days ago, I went to Indiana, far from home, to preach, it took two days to fly back and forth (because of the 3-hour time difference, I had to transfer flights), and I said to my brothers and sisters there: Thank you for inviting me to preach, you don’t have to worry about me working hard, this kind of going out is actually a vacation for me, even if I talk for 12 hours a day, I won’t feel too tired. You see, I hope so too, and I like to be able to go out and serve every day, for how honest and spiritually godly reasons?
But as fathers, as brothers, when we can once again reflect deeply on God’s calling and mission, we can understand that once we become fathers, then, basically, those “time that belongs” to me, are gone. I was listening to Chandler’s sermon recently, and I was very heartbroken. For a father, he simply won’t have time for himself. His time should be spent leading, caring for, and providing for the family. This does not mean that the family becomes our center and everything, but that for a father, it is God’s mission and calling for him.
Of course, the center of our lives is God, and the goal of our lives is of course to glorify God, there is no doubt about it, but as fathers, the way we glorify God is to take care of, accompany, and lead our children, rather than hiding in the office, leaving the children alone with our wives, and working hard, earning money, and serving ourselves, which is not the way God says he wants. The way God says to be is that you accompany your child as much as possible every day, lead your child to know him, lead your child to read the Bible, and pray, in this process, it will definitely be easier than work (to some extent, not necessarily absolutely), you will want to be angry, you will even have despair, but you can still look up to and rely on God’s grace, you can still face it because of God’s call and mission to you.
At this point, I stopped writing and decided to take the children to read, let my wife rest, and come back half an hour later to continue writing.
(half an hour later). The two babies drove me crazy again. The process will not be described. I once again verified and witnessed the ugly and hypocritical face inside me.
It is difficult to be a father to God’s heart because it means self-denial, which is thorough, timely, energetic, and exhausting. We will no longer have too much time to do what we love, and no longer have much time to enjoy the leisure and leisure of a person. It took me almost two years to realize and comprehend the transformation of this process.
I often wonder, are all sisters more likely to have children? Isn’t all sisters more methodical? Are all sisters born with babies? In fact, it is neither, but they are more patient and loving, they are stronger than men, and they do not flee and give up easily. They also have these emotions, sorrows, and weariness, just like all of our brethren, even more than we do, and they have them, but they are stronger.
After a while, I believe that I should still fall into the cycle of exhaustion, fatigue and complaining, but I still have to face it by grace, and this process will be repeated, this is not “one understanding and one comprehension forever”, but it needs to rely on grace, comprehend again and again, turn back again and again, rely on grace again and again to have the reality of hope and joy. In this reality, you constantly acknowledge your limitations, constantly admit your weaknesses, and constantly admit that you need God’s grace.
I also realized that for me, becoming a father is just the beginning, and there are still too many places to learn and be shaped by God. Therefore, this process is not only the process of teaching children but also the process of self-being shaped and pruned by God.
In the end, I also realized that leading children is not by “loud voice”, not by the authority of “I am your old son”, not by “even coaxing him to eat”. These methods may work for a while, but they are ways to fail. These are the ways that we think of when we are angry and corrupted when we want to rely on ourselves when we want to achieve our goals.
This is my personal experience as a father, an experience of failure, but also an experience of facing it by grace, and in the grace of Jesus Christ, when we look up and rely on His grace, from exhaustion, from busyness, even from the slightest trace of despair, there is still joy and hope.
Are there any good ways to make it easier to raise children? Are there any good ways to make caring for children easier? In fact, there is none, and there will not be, because taking care of children and raising children has never been easy, nor will it be easy. The important thing is that although it is not easy, although it is difficult, although it will still be full of difficulties and despair, we still look up, still obey, and still have hope in Christ.
Of course, it reminds us of the Father’s love, how He tolerates the sins and sins of His people again and again, how He leads us back again and again out of love, and How He sacrifices Himself for us.
I am willing to pray for all parents to give us wisdom, wisdom and confidence to better lead our children in Christ by His grace.
I would like to pray to all fathers and brothers that we will be more faithful and better in keeping with the special mission and trust God has given us in the process of leading our children. God has given us the authority to be fathers and husbands, and in addition to this authority, He has given us responsibilities, callings, and missions.
