Testimony…
Listen for 7 min
After eating at noon, and cleaning up the children, the wife took the children into the room for a lunch break, I cleaned up the kitchen, cleaned up the “battlefield” left by the two children’s dinner, walked out the door, drove straight to the highway, there was no destination, just kept driving… There is only one thought in my mind: to escape this life as much as possible.
When I got home, the children woke up, then cleaned up, and came to the library, my wife took the two children to read and play, and I sat down alone in front of the computer. In the end, there is still no escape, and you still need to come back and face it, and then you will have to face cooking dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, and taking the children to read the Bible.
The heart is disturbed, depressed, and even a little desperate.
As a father, I need to spend a lot of time every day taking care of my two children, although I am very happy, at the same time, honestly speaking, a lot of depression, exhaustion, and even complaints, many times, really just want to escape, even if it is a short escape, even a moment of peace, for me, is precious.
Every morning, the children get up very early, and then I also get up early (around 7 o’clock) to take care of the two children, and the wife goes to prepare breakfast, or the wife takes care of the children, I go to prepare breakfast; After breakfast, I clean up the kitchen, and then I take the children to read or play; After a while, it will be lunch time, and the same procedure will be the same: I take care of two children, and my wife prepares lunch, or my wife takes care of the children, and I prepare lunch; After lunch, I clean up the kitchen, and then I take the children or go to the library, or to the park, or to the room; It’s not until dinner time in a while, and it’s still the same:.
After dinner, the wife takes the child into the room, I clean the kitchen, go into the room to take the child, the wife washes first, then I wash the child, then I take the child to read, read the Bible, then pray, then the wife takes the child to sleep, I go to read, write, read, look at the mobile phone. Of course, before that, I have to wash the bottle and clean up some other mess.
Between my wife and me, of course, there will often be disputes over the methods and ways of educating children, and there will also be mutual complaints or accusations, and each other is a little dissatisfied with each other, and even often quarrels and cold wars over this.
Sometimes, when I am alone with a child, there are many unexpected situations: the small one spills the water cup on the floor, I was just about to dry the floor, and the big one suddenly shouts: I want to go to the bathroom. When the big one came back from the toilet, the little one had already dried the floor with his own clothes, and by the way, he broke himself and cried alone in the room. Two children play together, constantly having accidents: grabbing toys, grabbing water cups, and then the two cries together. Pick up one, and the other one cries harder for you to hug.
I believe that such a scene should be familiar to many parents, especially to parents who have more than one child, these experiences may seem familiar, and the emotional changes in this are also interesting.
Often in such scenes, there is an inexplicable anger, an inexplicable grievance, or an inexplicable desperate atmosphere, which will produce a reproach of the spouse and take the anger out on the child or the spouse.
Once, I was cooking, my wife took the child, the little one wanted to play with the can, I said I couldn’t play, it was too dangerous, the wife said it’s okay, let her play, the big one was in the toilet, to watch, I didn’t pay attention, after a while, the little one was injured by the can, bleeding, crying. My first reaction was, of course: I told you a long time ago, right? Just don’t listen.
Such situations and even quarrels are commonplace.
Recently, because I spent a lot of time with children, I experienced more than before, experienced more than before, and experienced more deeply than before, so the sting was deeper and more real.
The reason why I accuse the other party is that I subconsciously think: I am stronger than the other party, if it is me, I will definitely take care of the children more than the other party, will definitely be more attentive and careful than the other party, and will definitely not let the accident happen, and the reason for the accident is the fault of the other party. That’s what I think in my subconscious, at least, it’s what I think in my subconscious. But the truth is that many times when I take my children, I also swipe my phone so that the children fall.
The reason for complaining or resentment is also because there is no deeper, more true understanding of God’s trust and responsibility to us as parents. It is known in theory, but it is not yet known in practice.
Despair is due to the fact that, in essence, we have not yet recognized our limitations: how limited we are as human beings, as parents, and how much we need God’s grace at every moment.
I am no stranger to these principles and principles, nor have I ever doubted them, and even often hold similar lectures in various places, which really makes many parents, including myself, get a lot of help. But in reality, when you can’t bear it again and again, when you face a messy room again and again when the child seems to be less cooperative again and again, these theories will fall apart in an instant. Then, you have to face the weakness, ugliness, and corruption in yourself, and you need to face the lack and dryness in yourself.
As a result, I began to understand (understand, not approve) why so many brothers like to come home and lie on the sofa and brush their phones instead of changing diapers for their children; Why many men like to be busy with work instead of taking care of their children; Why many fathers would rather go out to dinner with friends, colleagues, leaders than cook for their children. I began to understand that the essence of these phenomena is actually to some extent a desire to escape, from the exhaustion and despair of taking care of children, from the powerlessness and resentment of taking children. Escape as much as possible, escape as brightly as possible.
To be honest, I also wish I could lie on the couch and swipe my phone, I also wanted to hide in the library every day, and I also liked that I could leave my child alone with my wife every day.
Two days ago, I went to Indiana, far from home, to preach, it took two days to fly back and forth (because of the 3-hour time difference, I had to transfer flights), and I said to my brothers and sisters there: Thank you for inviting me to preach, you don’t have to worry about me working hard, this kind of going out is actually a vacation for me, even if I talk for 12 hours a day, I won’t feel too tired. You see, I hope so too, and I like to be able to go out and serve every day, for how honest and spiritually godly reasons?
But as fathers, as brothers, when we can once again reflect deeply on God’s calling and mission, we can understand that once we become fathers, then, basically, those “time that belongs” to me, are gone. I was listening to Chandler’s sermon recently, and I was very heartbroken. For a father, he simply won’t have time for himself. His time should be spent leading, caring for, and providing for the family. This does not mean that the family becomes our center and everything, but that for a father, it is God’s mission and calling for him.
Of course, the center of our lives is God, and the goal of our lives is of course to glorify God, there is no doubt about it, but as fathers, the way we glorify God is to take care of, accompany, and lead our children, rather than hiding in the office, leaving the children alone with our wives, and working hard, earning money, and serving ourselves, which is not the way God says he wants. The way God says to be is that you accompany your child as much as possible every day, lead your child to know him, lead your child to read the Bible, and pray, in this process, it will definitely be easier than work (to some extent, not necessarily absolutely), you will want to be angry, you will even have despair, but you can still look up to and rely on God’s grace, you can still face it because of God’s call and mission to you.
At this point, I stopped writing and decided to take the children to read, let my wife rest, and come back half an hour later to continue writing.
(half an hour later). The two babies drove me crazy again. The process will not be described. I once again verified and witnessed the ugly and hypocritical face inside me.
It is difficult to be a father to God’s heart because it means self-denial, which is thorough, timely, energetic, and exhausting. We will no longer have too much time to do what we love, and no longer have much time to enjoy the leisure and leisure of a person. It took me almost two years to realize and comprehend the transformation of this process.
I often wonder, are all sisters more likely to have children? Isn’t all sisters more methodical? Are all sisters born with babies? In fact, it is neither, but they are more patient and loving, they are stronger than men, and they do not flee and give up easily. They also have these emotions, sorrows, and weariness, just like all of our brethren, even more than we do, and they have them, but they are stronger.
After a while, I believe that I should still fall into the cycle of exhaustion, fatigue and complaining, but I still have to face it by grace, and this process will be repeated, this is not “one understanding and one comprehension forever”, but it needs to rely on grace, comprehend again and again, turn back again and again, rely on grace again and again to have the reality of hope and joy. In this reality, you constantly acknowledge your limitations, constantly admit your weaknesses, and constantly admit that you need God’s grace.
I also realized that for me, becoming a father is just the beginning, and there are still too many places to learn and be shaped by God. Therefore, this process is not only the process of teaching children but also the process of self-being shaped and pruned by God.
In the end, I also realized that leading children is not by “loud voice”, not by the authority of “I am your old son”, not by “even coaxing him to eat”. These methods may work for a while, but they are ways to fail. These are the ways that we think of when we are angry and corrupted when we want to rely on ourselves when we want to achieve our goals.
This is my personal experience as a father, an experience of failure, but also an experience of facing it by grace, and in the grace of Jesus Christ, when we look up and rely on His grace, from exhaustion, from busyness, even from the slightest trace of despair, there is still joy and hope.
Are there any good ways to make it easier to raise children? Are there any good ways to make caring for children easier? In fact, there is none, and there will not be, because taking care of children and raising children has never been easy, nor will it be easy. The important thing is that although it is not easy, although it is difficult, although it will still be full of difficulties and despair, we still look up, still obey, and still have hope in Christ.
Of course, it reminds us of the Father’s love, how He tolerates the sins and sins of His people again and again, how He leads us back again and again out of love, and How He sacrifices Himself for us.
I am willing to pray for all parents to give us wisdom, wisdom and confidence to better lead our children in Christ by His grace.
I would like to pray to all fathers and brothers that we will be more faithful and better in keeping with the special mission and trust God has given us in the process of leading our children. God has given us the authority to be fathers and husbands, and in addition to this authority, He has given us responsibilities, callings, and missions.
