灵糧
恩典见证2.一趟改…
音频 4 分钟
感谢赞美主！使我得以完成多年来的期望，来到以色列！当飞机降落特拉维夫机场时，我的心激动的想哭。
在彼得受职堂时，导游分享，在这里，复活的耶稣曾三次问彼得说：「你爱我吗？我的心也再一次问我自己说：主啊！我爱你吗？主啊！我知道我真的爱你不够，求你帮助我更多的来爱你。我们这次在以色列，大部分去的教堂都是天主教堂，其中在八福山有一个耶稣被钉在十字架上的雕像，导游带着我们在雕像前唱诗歌，其实我们在蛮多地方都有唱诗歌，但是在这里，唱诗歌的时候，就在耶稣被挂在十字架的雕像面前，我流泪，我说：主啊，我这么渺小，这么不堪，这么不配，你还是为了我，被钉十字架上，我能拿什么来报答你的救恩呢？除了感谢！还是感谢！
来到约旦河受洗，是我到以色列一个非常重要的目的。可是由于前两天蛮冷的，所以就有点退缩。但是因为我们的导游是个非常感性的人，她分享了一些之前带团的见证，说曾有一个团来到这里的时候，因为天气很冷，导游就劝他们不要下水，免得水温很低会生病，但是他们整团的人都说，无论如何，他们是一定要下水的。这段话，触动了我的心，让我也决定要下水，虽然，我本来准备的东西都没带，但是感谢主！万事神都有预备，使我还是在约旦河受洗了。真的非常感谢主！那天我们受洗时不但看到了鸽子[预表圣灵]，受洗完还出现了彩虹[立约]，[还附赠了水鸭子]，导游说，这是她带那么多的团来约旦河，第一次看到彩虹。受洗后，在更衣室，再一次向主献上感恩，因我知道，如果我这次没有下水受洗，一定会非常后悔的。
耶稣被卖的那一夜，来到客西马尼祷告，对着彼得、雅各、约翰说，我的心里甚是忧伤，几乎要死，跪下祷告说：『父啊！你若愿意，就把这杯彻去；然而，不要成就我的意思，只要成就你的意思。有一位天使从天上显现，加添他的力量。耶稣极其伤痛，祷告更加恳切，汗珠如大血点滴在地上。 』[路22:42-44]。当我们来到客西马尼园，在那里我真实的、深深地感受到耶稣当时那种充满恐惧害怕，但是又顺服的心，我再次的哭泣，向神认罪说：主啊！对不起，求你赦免我的罪，因在某些事上，我目前还是做不到，我还是无法顺服。求主怜悯，将更多的爱加添给我，让我可以把爱真实的活出来。
来到哭墙，就是祷告。在祷告的过程中神感动我，用诗篇23篇来祝福同行的Jessica、我和我的家人。那一天晚上领队再次带着甜甜和我陪着Jessica来哭墙，[因为Jessica白天不舒服留在车上]Jessica得安慰，甜甜有意外的收获，我感觉平静安稳。从哭墙出来，领队带我们来到「万王之王亚洲祷告殿祷告，这本是领队自己的行程。他们祷告的时间是晚上六点到九点三个小时，我们到的时候已经较晚了，在这祷告殿里，真实的可以感受到那灵里的不同。我们三个人跪下来祷告，在过程中，我感受到神对以色列百姓的爱，渴望他们回转的那种心情，不由自主地嚎啕大哭，恳求主再多给点时间。在祷告中我也更清楚地知道为以色列祷告，为耶路撒冷求平安，已是刻不容缓的事。
最后的行程是大屠杀纪念馆，整个的心情真的是很沉重。不明白为什么同样是人怎么可以如此残忍无情的虐待毒杀人，求神赦免我们的罪。
这次的以色列之旅，虽然疲惫，但收获却是满满的。哈利路亚！感谢赞美主！也感谢留在教会的弟兄姐妹为我们的代祷，使我们满有平安，出也蒙福，入也蒙福。愿心中被主点燃的爱火，能继续燃烧，也能影响周围的人，一起起来预备自己，成为装饰整齐的新妇，好迎接主的再来。愿将一切感谢与爱戴都归给爱我们的主！
Testimoni…
Listen for 3 min
Thank you and praise the Lord for making it possible for me to fulfill my long-awaited wish and come to Israel! When the plane landed at Tel Aviv airport, my heart was so excited that I wanted to cry.
At Peter’s ordination, the tour guide shared that here the resurrected Jesus asked Peter three times, “Do you love me?” and my heart asked myself again, “Lord, do I love you?” Lord, I know I don’t love you enough, please help me to love you more. This time we were in Israel, and most of the churches we went to were Catholic churches, among which there was a statue of Jesus crucified on the Beatitudes, and the tour guide took us to sing hymns in front of the statue we sang hymns in many places, but here, when we sang hymns, in front of the statue of Jesus being hung on the cross, I wept, and I said, “Lord, I am so small, so unbearable, so unworthy, you are still crucified for me, what can I use to repay your salvation?
Coming to the Jordan River to be baptized was a very important purpose for my visit to Israel. But because it was quite cold two days ago, I was a little withdrawn. But because our tour guide is a very emotional person, she shared some testimonies of leading a group before, saying that when a group came here, because the weather was very cold, the tour guide advised them not to go into the water, so as not to get sick if the water temperature was very low, but the whole group of them said that no matter what, they must go into the water. This passage touched my heart and made me decide to go into the water, even though I didn’t bring anything I had prepared, but thank God that God was prepared for everything and was baptized in the Jordan River. Thank you very much, Lord! When we were baptized that day, we not only saw doves [a type of the Holy Spirit], but also a rainbow [covenant]after baptism, and a water duck [with a water duck], and the tour guide said that this was the first time she had seen a rainbow when she brought so many groups to the Jordan River. After being baptized, in the locker room, I once again gave thanks to the Lord, because I knew that if I didn’t get baptized this time, I would regret it very much.
On the night of Jesus’ betrayal, he came to Gethsemane to pray, and said to Peter, James, and John, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, and I am almost to death, and I knelt and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you will, take this cup away, but not my will, but do your will.'” An angel appeared from heaven and strengthened him. Jesus was in great pain and prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. [Luke 22:42-44]. When we came to the Garden of Gethsemane, where I felt the fear and fear of Jesus, but also the obedient heart, I wept again and confessed my sins to God, saying, “Lord, I’m sorry, forgive me for my sins, because there are things I can’t do at the moment, I still can’t obey.” May the Lord have mercy and add more love to me, so that I can live out my love truly.
To come to the Wailing Wall is to pray. In the process of prayer, God moved me to bless Jessica, me, and my family with Psalm 23. That night, the team leader took Tian Tian and me to accompany Jessica to the Wailing Wall again [because Jessica was uncomfortable staying in the car during the day.]Jessica was comforted, sweet, and unexpected, and I felt calm and secure. Coming out of the Wailing Wall, the team leader took us to the “King of Kings Asian Temple of Prayer to pray”, which was the tour leader’s itinerary. They prayed for three hours from 6 to 9 p.m., and when we arrived late, we could feel the difference in the spirit in this prayer hall. The three of us knelt in prayer, and in the process, I felt God’s love for the people of Israel, the longing for their return, and I couldn’t help but weep and beg the Lord to give me more time. In prayer, I also knew more clearly that it was urgent to pray for Israel and pray for the peace of Jerusalem.
The last trip was to the Holocaust Memorial, and the whole mood was heavy. I don’t understand why the same people can be so cruel and merciless to abuse, poison, and kill, and ask God to forgive us for our sins.
This trip to Israel, although tiring, but full of rewards. Hallelujah, thank you and praise the Lord, and thank you to the brothers and sisters who remain in the church for their intercession, so that we may be full of peace, blessed when we go out, and blessed when we enter. May the fire of love ignited by the Lord in our hearts continue to burn, and may it also influence those around us to rise and prepare ourselves as well-decorated brides for the Lord’s return. May all thanks and love be given to the Lord who loves us!
Testimoni…
Listen for 3 min
To be able to testify for the Lord again on Thanksgiving is in itself a thanksgiving thing, at least to show that we are alive and powerful, breathing, and experiencing God’s grace and works!
I especially like to sing “Amazing Grace.”
The poem. The lyrics in it touched my heart deeply, especially this year after going through the process of Mr. Jimmy’s illness. Whenever I sing, “I have passed through many dangerous trials and snares, and by the grace of the Lord, I am not afraid of safety, and I am led back home.”, I am full of emotion In the song, I saw how God’s hand was leading Jimmy out of the valley of the shadow of death, restoring his health, and allowing him to return to our midst, what a great grace!
Jimmy has been meeting at Bread of Life for three and a half years, and everyone knows him and knows that his health has always been okay. We have a physical examination every year, and all his physiological indicators are normal, he has no history of high blood pressure, no heart problems, and no high cholesterol. The blood item has always been good. No one would have thought that on the first day of February this year, he would have a heart attack. Due to the suddenness of the onset, he lost consciousness, and in the process of fainting, his head hit a 90-degree angle on the counter, causing a traumatic fracture of the left head, external bleeding, and intracranial hemorrhage. Lives are at stake!
When he was sent to the emergency center of the hospital by 911, his heart stopped beating twice, and after many rescues, the doctor told us that there was no value in continuing the rescue, advised us to give up, and told us that the three major arteries that came out of Jimmy’s heart were 100% blocked, one was 80% blocked, and one was 40% blocked. Although the blockage was relieved by the stent treatment, the brain was deprived of oxygen due to the cessation of the heart beating and the cessation of blood supply, resulting in brain damage, brain cell necrosis, acute failure of multiple organs, hydrops in the lungs, and kidney failure. And told me that even if I was saved, I might never wake up with a breath. Even if you wake up, you may not be able to recover your intelligence, you may never be able to breathe on your own, and you may need dialysis for life because of kidney failure, maybe. Possible. The doctors told us that they did what they had to do, what they could, and the rest was up to God!
Life is so fragile, how limited what doctors can do in the face of death, and we are full of too many questions and worries about what will happen to Jimmy in the next minute!
Thank the Lord that our God is loving, merciful, and omnipotent! Our breath of life is given by God, so what man says does not count, but what God says!
Just when Jimmy was rushed to the emergency room of the hospital for emergency treatment, and I was so frightened that I almost fainted, our Pastor Mo was the first to rush to the ER after hearing the news. God’s love and peace came into my heart through the pastor’s comfort, encouragement, and prayer, calming my heart and seeing hope in the midst of despair!
At the same time, our two churches in California also initiated church-wide prayers for Jimmy, and our daughter May’s church in Bangladesh, Heatton Chinese Church, Arcadia Chinese Baptist Church and many other churches, as well as our relatives and friends, joined in praying for Jimmy.
It was the unanimous prayer of the heavens and the earth, the shaking of God’s hand, and the miracle happened! God used His supernatural method to turn Jimmy’s condition very much around in a very short period of time – the fever subsided, the heart function gradually recovered, the blood pressure and breathing stabilized, the kidney function index gradually decreased, the hands and feet began to move, although not yet fully awakened, Jimmy began to respond to external stimuli. Until one day he woke up, his limbs could move (he was not paralyzed), and although he could not speak, he could hear our voices and respond accordingly. The hydrops in the lungs gradually faded, and they were able to breathe on their own, without the help of the ventilator, their kidney function completely returned to normal. Jimmy was discharged from the hospital, his swallowing function gradually recovered, he could eat liquids, he could urinate normally, could regain the function of speaking, and he could write, draw, stand, walk, and eat a normal diet. Every day Jimmy progresses by God’s grace! Every day we see the miracles of God’s hand in Jimmy!
In less than three months, God brought Jimmy back from death healed him, and restored the function of his body’s major organs. Now Jimmy is basically normal in all aspects except for his short-term memory, which needs to continue to recover. We believe that since God has already begun His work to bring Jimmy back from the dead, He will also heal Jimmy 100% and make his memory fully healed shortly!
When Jimmy was finally discharged from the hospital and we were rejoicing that his body had recovered greatly, we faced another difficulty – that is, his medical expenses totaled more than $1 million! More than $1 million is an astronomical amount for us! Our hearts are overwhelmed by this medical debt, and we know that we will work two jobs in our lives, and we will not be able to finish working until we meet the Lord, what should we do? The pastor’s wife knew our difficulties, prayed for this matter in prayer meetings many times, and called everyone to pray for us in various ways, and told us not to worry, but to cast our worries on God.
Allelujah, thank God that we believe in is a true and living God, our God is a God of love and mercy, our God is a God who hears prayers, and our God is mighty and omnipotent!
WHEN WE LOOK TO THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEARTS, HE ONCE AGAIN PERFORMS MIRACLES AND DOES GREAT THINGS! THEN WE RECEIVED VARIOUS NOTICES OF FEE REDUCTIONS ONE AFTER ANOTHER, THE BIGGEST OF WHICH IS HIS HOSPITALIZATION FEE OF MORE THAN 320,000 YUAN, UT PHYSICIAN $7516, SYNERGY $3978, REHABCARE $569, ALL WAIVED, BALANCE IS 0! AND SEVERAL OF THEM ALSO GIVE US A 50% REDUCTION!
What a great blessing of grace! Once again, the Lord has delivered us from the bondage of debt and given us financial freedom! Our God is great, He is truly worthy of our great praise, the One we believe in and rely on all our lives! God knows every word of our tongue that He has prepared for us for all our needs, He is so loving, and He understands our weakness. Thank you again for the miracles that have risen from the dead, the miracles that have walked alone, and the God who has loved and married!
In this season of thanksgiving, in addition to thanking God for all the glory and praise to Him, we also want to take this opportunity to thank pastors, Mrs., and the brothers and sisters of the church for their love, encouragement, support and help in every stage of Jimmy’s recovery when we were in danger, and thank you for your prayers for us! You are amazing! It is because of God’s grace and hope that you have given us, and because of your love and support, Jimmy and I have the confidence and courage to persevere to this day. We are so blessed and happy to have this spiritual home, and to have you, our dearest family in Christ! We love you so much!
In addition, I would like to say a few more words to those of us who have not yet come to know the Lord Jesus. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, but if we know that the Lord is in charge of tomorrow, we will have peace and hope in our hearts when the storm comes. Therefore, we should seek God while He can be found, and do not delay! Because money, fame, status, and learning are all meaningless in the face of death, and only the Lord Jesus is our life’s reliance and hope! Knowing the Lord Jesus and becoming God’s children is the greatest thing in our lives, not only to bless us in this life, but also to have eternal happiness because of Jesus! Please don’t miss this opportunity to be blessed!
Hallelujah! Thank God, God’s name is worthy of great praise!
恩典见证4.靠着神…
音频 4 分钟
靠着神得胜-Alice Yang
能够再次在感恩节的时候为主作见证，本身就是一件值得感恩的事，至少说明我们还健在，而且还有能力，有气息，并且还经历到神的恩典和作为！
我特别喜欢唱「奇异恩典这首诗歌。里面的歌词深深打动我的心，尤其是今年经历了先生Jimmy生病的这个过程。每当我唱到「许多危险试炼网罗，我已安然经过，靠主恩典，安全不怕，更引导我归家的时候，心里感慨万分。
在歌声中，我看到神的手如何一步步带领Jimmy走出死荫的幽谷，恢复他的健康，让他能够重新回到我们中间，这是何等大的恩典！
Jimmy在灵粮堂聚会已经有三年半了，大家都认识他，而且知道他的健康状况一直都还是可以的。我们每年都进行体检，他的各项生理指标都很正常，既没有高血压的病史，也没有心脏方面的问题，胆固醇也不高。血项一直都很好。谁都不会想到他今年二月份的第一天，突发心脏病。在发病的时候，心脏骤停，呼吸脉搏都没有了！由于发病突然，他失去知觉，昏倒过程中，头部撞到柜台的一个90度的角，造成左边头部创伤性骨折，外部流血，颅内出血。生命危在旦夕！
当他被911送到医院急救中心后心脏又两次停止跳动，经多次抢救之后，医生明确的告诉我们没有继续抢救的价值了，建议我们放弃，并告诉我们从Jimmy心脏出来的三根大动脉血管，一根百分之百堵塞，一根80%堵塞，还有一根40%堵塞。虽经过放支架的处理，堵塞得到缓解，但由于心脏停止跳动，停止供血，大脑缺氧，造成他的大脑损伤、脑细胞坏死、多个器官急性衰竭、肺积水、肾衰竭。并且告诉我，就算救活了，有一口气，可能永远醒不过来。就算醒过来，可能没法恢复智力，可能永远不能自主呼吸，可能因为肾衰竭，终身需要洗肾，可能 – 可能 – 医生告诉我们，他们做了他们该做的，能做的，剩下的就看上帝的了！
生命是何等的脆弱，面对死亡，医生可以做的是何等的有限，我们对Jimmy下一分钟会怎样，充满了太多的疑问和担忧！在人看来，回天乏术，Jimmy已经走到了生命的尽头。
感谢主，我们的神是慈爱怜悯，而且无所不能的！我们的生命气息是神给的，因此，人说什么不算，神说的才算！
就在Jimmy被送入医院急诊室抢救，我六神无主，吓得快晕倒的时候，我们的莫牧师是第一个闻讯赶到ER的人。神的爱和平安透过牧师的安慰，鼓励和祷告，进入我的心中，让我的心平静下来，在绝望中看到希望!
紧接着，师母发动全教会弟兄姊妹迫切为Jimmy祷告，与此同时，我们过去在加州的两间教会也发起全教会为Jimmy祷告，女儿May在孟加拉的教会，晓士顿华人教会，Arcadia华人浸信会等多家教会以及我们的亲朋好友先后加入到为Jimmy祷告的行列。
正是大家同心合意感天动地的祷告，摇动神的手，奇迹就出现了！神用祂超自然的方法，在很短的时间内，使Jimmy的状况有很大的翻转─ 烧退了，心脏功能逐步恢复了，血压呼吸平稳了，肾功能指标逐步下降了，手脚开始动了，虽然还没有完全苏醒，Jimmy对外界刺激开始有反应了。直到有一天他苏醒过来，四肢可以活动（没有瘫痪），虽然讲不出话，但是能够听到我们的声音，并作出相应的反应。肺积水逐步褪去，逐步能自主呼吸，脱离呼吸机的帮助，肾功能完全恢复正常。 Jimmy 出院，吞咽功能逐步恢复，可以吃流质，可以正常大小便，恢复说话的功能，可以写字，画画，站立，可以行走，可以吃正常饮食。 Jimmy每天靠着神的恩典进步！每天我们都看到神的手在Jimmy身上所创造的奇迹！
在不到三个月的时间内，神使Jimmy从死亡中活过来，并且医治他，恢复他身体各大器官的功能。现在Jimmy除了短期记忆力尚需继续恢复外，其他各方面都已经基本正常。我们相信神既然已经开始了他的工作，从死里将Jimmy救活，他也必要100% 医治Jimmy，在不久的将来使他的记忆力完全康复！因为祂是大有能力的神！
当Jimmy终于可以出院，我们正为他的身体大大恢复而欢喜快乐的时候，我们又面临了另外一个困难 ─ 那就是他这次的医疗费用总共超过100万！ 100多万美金啦，对我们来讲简直是天文数字！我们的心被这个医疗债务压的喘不过气来，我们知道我们这辈子打两份工，打到见主面也还不完，怎么办？我们寝食难安，忧心忡忡。牧师师母知道我们的难处，多次在祷告会为此事祷告，并且通过各种途径号召大家为我们祷告，并且告诉我们不要担心，将忧虑卸给神。
哈利路亚，感谢主！我们所信的神是又真又活的神，我们的神是慈爱怜悯的神，我们的神是听祷告的神，我们的神是大能大力，无所不能的神！
当我们全心仰望主的时候，祂再次行神迹，做大事！随后，我们就陆续收到各种减免费用的通知，其中最大的几笔是他的住院费32万多，UT PHYSICIAN $7516，SYNERGY $3978， REHABCARE $569，统统免去，balance为0！还有好几笔也给我们50%减免！
何等大的恩典祝福啊！主再一次将我们从债务的捆绑中拯救出来，赐给我们Financial freedom！我们的神真是伟大， 祂真是配得我们的大赞美，值得我们全心相信和一生依靠的那位！我们舌头上的每一句话，神都知道，我们的一切需要祂都为我们预备，祂是那么的慈爱，祂体会我们的软弱。再次感谢起死回生，独行的奇事，又慈爱怜悯的神！
在这个感恩的季节，我们除了感谢神，把荣耀颂赞都归给祂以外，也希望借此机会感谢牧师，师母和教会的弟兄姊妹在我们危难时，在Jimmy康复的每一个阶段给与我们的关爱，鼓励，支持和帮助，谢谢你们为我们献上的祷告！你们真是太棒了！正是因为有神给我们够用的恩典和盼望，有你们的关爱托住我们，Jimmy跟我才有信心和勇气坚持到今天。有这个属灵的家，有你们─我们主内最亲的家人，我们真的很幸运，很开心！我们真的很爱你们！
此外，对我们中间那些还没有认识主耶稣的，我想多说几句。谁都不知道明天会怎样，但是如果我们知道主掌管明天，遇到风暴来临的时候我们心中就有底气，就有平安和盼望。所以，我们要趁神可以寻找的时候，寻找祂，不要迟延！因为金钱，名誉，地位，学问在死亡面前都是毫无意义的，唯有主耶稣才是我们一生的依靠和盼望！认识主耶稣，成为神的儿女是我们这一生最大事，不仅使我们今生蒙福，而且因着耶稣，我们有永远的福乐！请你千万不要错过这个蒙大福的机会哟！
哈利路亚！感谢主！神的名是配得大赞美的！
Testimoni…
Listen for 3 min
Nine times out of ten, life is not as expected, and life after believing in the Lord does not mean that it is smooth sailing. But a man of God will never lose peace and hope amid trouble. Just like in a dark tunnel, when the light at the mouth of the tunnel comes in, even if it is a small and faint light, I unconsciously breathe a sigh of relief, and suddenly a sense of security comes up. This light is our God. He is the light in the darkness, the light that brings hope, warmth, and comfort in the darkness. This is my God, the God who lifts me every time I fall into the abyss.
This fall, before he enters his third year of doctoral studies, he will have to complete the rigorous doctoral qualifying examination. There are two stages of the qualifying examination – written and oral, and the oral examination can only be conducted after passing all the subjects of the written examination. If you pass, you can become a doctoral candidate and continue to move towards your dream, and if you fail, everything will return to the original point and go home.
We have been praying about this, and our daughter would add the phrase “Pray that the Lord Jesus will let Daddy pass the exam” when she prays for thanksgiving. I am confident that God will open the way and that my husband will pass the exam again without any problems. It wasn’t until the eve of the exam that I realized that I was under a lot of pressure. For my husband to concentrate on preparing, I had to turn on the “pseudo-single mother” mode again. I asked myself to be a competent wife so that my husband could prepare for the exam without any worries, and I asked myself to be confident that I would not show the slightest hint of “if I have to go back to Taiwan.”
I asked myself to be independent and brave and to give my daughter a full sense of security even amid instability. I thought I believed in my God, I thought I had faith, but I didn’t, I was worried, I was afraid, the fear of failing the exam was going to consume me. This dark thought and emotion binds me and I can’t breathe.
In August of this year, in order to improve my language skills, I searched the website of Second Baptist Church near my home and wanted to sign up for an ESL course offered by the church. After searching for it a few times, I didn’t have any ESL information, but I accidentally found that there was a “Breathe for Mom’s” party class starting in September, holding the “It’s okay if there are no fish and shrimp.”
If you want to speak, you should practice speaking and listening, so I signed up for this group course.
We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, and to those who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
The date of the first class of “Breathe for Moms” happened to be the week of the written test, and the time of the written test was the date when the teacher was changed and changed. Plucking up the courage to step into the classroom, I was the only foreigner, a bit like a white rabbit who had strayed into the jungle. I chose a table and sat down, looking around, white, white, white, black, Asian, white, my heart beat super fast, I felt so stupid, and it was so self-defeating to want to come to this kind of place to practice English! I wanted to be friendly in tattered English, and when I said I was from Taiwan, the Asian mother said that she was also born in Taiwan and could speak a little Chinese. Later, I observed that she was the only Asian American in the class of seventy or eighty people, spoke Chinese, was born in Taiwan, and was in the same group as me. The theme of the day’s class was “Fearless Mom”, and God made me understand through the limited content that I could understand that I didn’t have to force myself to be a perfect mother or wife in His presence, and He inspired my faith again to rely on Him to be a Fearless Mom. During the group discussion, I don’t know where I got the courage to use my English to tell these strangers who we met for the first time that my husband had a very important exam this week, and if we didn’t pass it, we would have to pack up and go home.
I brought this exam to my worries and fears, the tension and pressure of being a wife and mother, and the helplessness and anxiety caused by the instability of living in the United States in the past few years. At this time, someone brought me tissue paper, someone hugged me, someone comforted me with scriptures, someone prayed for me, and they spoke very quickly, I tried to listen, but it didn’t matter if I understood it or not, my tears kept flowing, and the weight of my heart was released little by little.
Through these strangers, this course message, and these arrangements that are not accidental, God made me understand that He has always been there, never forsaken me, and that His love is so real! There is no fear in God’s love, I told myself that I would no longer shed tears, that my God would fight with me, and that there was nothing to be afraid of! From that moment on, I told myself to trust God to be a fearless mom, to keep watch for my husband and daughter, and to wave the banner of victory!
The thieves have come to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come to give the sheep life and to the abundance. John 10:10
A few days later, the enemy came again and broke my faith. Mr. had a written exam question that was very far from the direction he was preparing for, and yes, he failed the exam. He told me in frustration that the professor knew that this was not his research specialty, so why did he deliberately come up with such a topic to make things difficult for him? He tried his best, and if the professor just wanted to kick him out, he would admit it. At the moment, I am so sad and sad, watching him try his best to fight for this doctor’s dream, this road is very difficult, but I am sure that God is also dripping grease on the journey. But at that moment, I was angry, confused, and even wanted to ask God, “God, where are you? Mr. can’t feel you, so how can he get this salvation?”
No, the enemy laughed at me, as a Christian wife, for not praying fruitfully, so how can I preach the gospel to my husband? My faith was shattered and shattered.
I called home and sadly told my dad that I was disappointed in God. Dad told me, “Praise God for being the God who created the heavens and the earth, the God Almighty, the only true God, and nothing is impossible in His hands. His love is long, wide, high, and deep, He knows that in every dream in our hearts, we must not lose faith in God, if you lose faith in God, how can your husband have faith in God?” Dad’s words immediately woke me up, and I thanked God that although our family was not around, we could support each other through prayer. Through the encouragement and prayers of my father and family, God picked up the shattered fragments of faith in my heart one by one. God continued to speak to me through Sunday messages and group classes, and I began to declare that I was God’s careful creation, no longer bound by any enemy accusations. God put joy and peace in my heart, and I kept humming songs of victory.
A week later, the results of the written test were announced, and the subjects I thought I had failed in the exam were miraculously passed! Although there were still two subjects to be retaken, I could open the book at home. Hallelujah! This result is completely beyond our expectations, and we will experience God’s wonderful leadership again. Our God is true and alive, and His mind is higher than men’s thoughts! He is always there, and He will not forsake what His hand created!
Thou hast crowned thy years with grace, and thy paths have dripped with fat. Psalm 65:11
Thank God, although the qualification process of my husband was thrilling, it had a perfect ending in the great and great grace of God, God had already prepared everything! This year, I learned to be strong in my weakness by Jesus, and I learned to let the power of God cover me. Don’t let the environment obscure the focus, keep your eyes on God, and feel His presence. He has always been there.
恩典见证3.祢一直…
音频 4 分钟
人生不如意事十之八九，信主后的人生不代表一帆风顺。但是，有神的人在困境里，将永远不失去平安和盼望。就像在黑暗的隧道中，当隧道口的光线透了进来，即使是细小微弱的光，不自觉地便松了口气，顿时安全感就涌了上来。这道光就是我们的上帝。祂是黑暗中的亮光，在黑暗中，带来希望、带来温暖、带来安慰的那道光。这就是我的神，在我每一次落到深渊时，将我救拔起来的神。
今年秋季，在先生迈入第三年的博士班学业前，要先完成严峻的博士班资格考考试。先生的资格考考试共有两阶段 ─ 笔试和口试，笔试科目全部通过后才能进行口试。通过了，可以晋身为博士候选人，继续往梦想迈进；失败了，一切回到原点，收拾行囊回家。
我们一直为这件事祷告，女儿在谢饭祷告时都会加上一句「求主耶稣让爸爸考试考过」。
我有信心，相信神会开路，先生会再次顺利通过考试。直到考试前夕，我才发现我心里承受着巨大的压力。为了让先生专心准备，我必须再次开启「伪单亲妈妈」模式。我要求自己做个称职的妻子，让先生无后顾之忧准备考试；我要求自己表现得很有信心，不可流露一丝对于「万一要回台湾的忧虑；我要求自己要独立勇敢，虽在不安定中仍要给予女儿十足的安全感。我以为我相信我的上帝，我以为我很有信心，但我没有，我担忧、我害怕，内心对于「考试失败」的恐惧忧虑要吞噬了我。这种黑暗的想法和情绪捆绑着我，就要喘不过气。
在今年八月，为了增进语言能力，我搜寻住家附近的Second Baptist Church网站，想报名教会开设的ESL课程。搜寻了几次，没有任何ESL资讯，却无意发现九月份开始有一个「Breathe for moms」的聚会课程，抱着「没鱼虾也好的心态，想说就当练口语和听力，于是便报名了这个小组课程。
─ 我们晓得万事都互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处，就是按他旨意被召的人。 《罗8:28》
「Breathe for moms」第一次上课的日期恰好是先生考笔试当周，而这笔试的时间其实是先生系上改了再改的日期。鼓起勇气踏进教室，我是唯一的外国人，有点像误入丛林的小白兔。选了一张桌子坐了下来，环顾四周，白人、白人、白人、黑人、亚裔、白人，我心跳超快，觉得自己太蠢，还想来这种地方练英文真是太不自量力了！我用着破烂的英文想表达友好，在我说出I’m from Taiwan时，那位亚裔妈妈开口说她也在台湾出生，还会说一点中文呢。
后来我观察，她是全班七八十人中唯一的亚裔美国人，会说中文、出生在台湾、还跟我同一组，这不是miracle什么是miracle！接着，超乎我预期的事就在这间教室一一发生。当天的上课主题是「Fearless Mom」，上帝透过我听得懂的有限内容让我明白，在祂面前我不用强迫自己做个完美妈妈或太太，祂再次激励我的信心，要我全然倚靠祂做个Fearless Mom。在小组讨论时，我不知道哪来的勇气用破英文在这些第一次见面的陌生人面前，告诉她们先生这礼拜要考一个非常重要的考试，考不过我们就要打包回家。我把这个考试带给我的忧虑和害怕，身为一个妻子和母亲的紧绷和压力，这几年在美国生活因着不安定感带来的无助和忐忑全部都和着泪水说出来。
这时，有人拿面纸给我、有人给我拥抱、有人用经文安慰我、有人为我祷告，她们说得很快，我很努力要听，但听不听得懂已经不重要了，我的眼泪一直流，内心的重量一点一滴释放。神透过这些陌生人、这个课程信息、这些绝非偶然的安排，让我明白祂一直都在，从来都没有离弃我，祂的爱是这么的真实！神的爱中没有惧怕，我告诉自己我不再流泪，我的神跟我一同争战，还有什么好惧怕的！从那刻起，我告诉自己倚靠神做个fearless mom，为先生和女儿守望，挥舞得胜的旌旗！
盗贼来，无非要偷窃、杀害、毁坏；我来了，是要叫羊得生命，并且得的更丰盛。 《约10:10》
没几天，仇敌又来击溃我的信心。先生有一科笔试的题目和他准备的方向天差地远，是的，他考砸了。他沮丧地跟我说，教授明知道这不是他的研究专长，为什么还故意出这样的题目刁难他？他尽力了，如果教授就是想把他踢走，他也认了。当下的我，好难过好难过，一路看着他用尽全力在拼搏这个博士梦，这条路非常艰辛，但我确信上帝也在路程上滴下脂油。但在那一刻，我生气、不解，甚至想质问上帝：「神啊，祢在哪？先生感受不到祢，这样他要怎么得到这救恩呢？」我一句安慰的话也说不出，甚至连「上帝爱你
都无法，仇敌嘲笑我这个做为基督徒的妻子祷告没有果效，这样要怎么传福音给先生哪。我的信心被击溃碎满一地。
我打了通电话回家，难过地告诉爸爸我对神好失望。爸爸告诉我：「要赞美神，祂是创造天地的神、是全能的神、是唯一的真神，在祂手上没有难成的事。祂的慈爱长阔高深，祂知道我们心里每一个梦想，绝对不能对神失去信心，如果妳对神失去信心，妳先生又如何对神有信心呢？」爸爸的话即时唤醒了我，我感谢神，虽然家人不在身边，但我们能借着祷告托住彼此。
上帝透过爸爸和家人的鼓励、祷告，将我内心瓦解的信心碎片一片一片拾起。上帝又透过主日信息和小组课程不断地向我说话，我开始宣告我是上帝精心的创造，不再被任何仇敌的控诉捆绑。神将喜乐和平安放到我心里，我不断哼唱得胜的歌。一个礼拜后，笔试结果揭晓，本以为考砸的科目竟然神奇地通过了！虽还有两科得补考，但可在家open book。哈利路亚！这个结果完全超乎我们所求所想，让我们再次经历上帝奇妙的带领。我们的神又真又活，祂的意念高过人的意念！祂一直都在，必不离弃祂手所创造的！
你以恩典为年岁的冠冕，你的路径都滴下脂油。 《诗65:11》
感谢神，先生的资格考过程虽然惊心动魄，但在上帝的大小恩典中有了完美的结局，神早已预备一切！这一年，我学习着在软弱中靠着耶稣得刚强，学习让神的大能覆庇我。不让环境模糊了焦点，定睛在神，感受祂的同在。祂，一直都在。
恩典见证14.在軟…
音频
跟随上帝的基督徒无不希望自己能刚强、壮胆来见证与服事上帝，然而自觉身心软弱的基督徒却能见证上帝「压伤的芦苇祂不折断，将残的灯火祂不吹灭」的怜悯与恩典。
荷兰宣教士彭柯丽[Corrie Ten Boom]曾写到她在德国纳粹集中营里，听见周围因病痛、面临死亡恐惧的牢友哀嚎。她自己虽然也病得奄奄一息，但她凭着一颗爱主爱人的心，走到这些人的身边，告诉他们主耶稣就在这里，并邀请他们打开心门接受祂为救主。
彭柯丽说，她经历到她的肉体即便软弱，她里面的圣灵在她愿意开口时，就透过她说出安慰、鼓励与建造的言语。而且她因宣扬上帝的真理，软弱的自己也变得刚强起来。
软弱中的服事 使彼此得激励
最近上帝带领两个教会姊妹来找我倾吐，我刚好处于为义受逼迫的心伤和身体生病软弱的状态。我气若游丝般地对她们说：「我不知道该对你说什么，但是我知道主耶稣可以安慰我们，我们一起来敬拜主，聆听祂给我们的安慰好吗？」
于是我们用妈妈祷告网[Moms In Prayer]的祷告单张，以四步骤来祷告：祷读圣经文来赞美神的属性、求圣灵来光照我们能认罪悔改、为蒙垂听或相信的祷告事项感谢上帝，以及用圣经中的应许经文为彼此代求。
结果是，我们都像来赴上帝预备的属灵盛宴，被圣灵的恩膏涂抹医治我们软弱的心。其中一个姊妹祷告之后，就把挣扎苦恼许久的硕士论文写完，之后还意外得到学校奖励；另一个姊妹则是更多委身于祷告并得着心灵更新。
我自己则大得鼓励，感谢上帝联络正遭逢痛苦或需要的圣徒，在我们软弱时彼此扶持并经历主的爱与安慰。当我们听见彼此的口宣扬上帝的宝贵应许时，上帝的真理就如天降甘霖来洗涤我们的罪心、缠裹我们的心伤，滋润我们干渴的心田，给了我们力量与盼望继续面对困境与挑战。
听信老我谎言 导致害怕小信
但是，有时我们的软弱可能来自听信老我或撒旦的谎言，因而失去起初的爱，或因害怕而小信。
例如我去年开始上网参加在日本的圣经研习团契(Bible Study Fellowship)。我能说的日文很少，但是能认识日本的姊妹们使我非常喜乐。虽然不熟悉日文圣经，对日本姊妹们线上的分享也一知半解，但是我发现圣灵仍以圣经真理光照我，使我领受超过头脑悟性所能理解的属灵深意。
但前些时候我因为身体不适而三次没参加，我的心里开始变得很在意自己日文说得不好，觉得小组里有没有我都没关系，似乎完全忘了上课起初时的快乐。然而我知道小组长一直为我的健康祷告，于是我康复后跟上帝祷告，求主恢复我起初的喜乐与勇敢去参加。
聚会当天查考耶利米哀歌，我第一次感受到先知耶利米似乎把上帝当密友，以至于他能全然倾倒心中痛苦给主。因此当下我受感动，确信上帝随时都在聆听我的诉说，我就简短地分享这个感受给大家。
下课前，小组长为姊妹们祷告时，她感谢上帝让我能来参加这个小组，使她们得着鼓励。我想上帝借此鼓励我：祂可以使用我自己看为不足的地方，只要我有愿做的心，祂就能透过我这微小的器皿来彰显祂的智慧与能力。
神愿使用微小器皿彰显能力
伤心难过时，何不打开你的口，对主如同密友呼喊诉说，相信慈爱温柔的主正在注视着你，聆听你可爱的声音。
圣灵的安慰要从你的口中流出，进到你心灵的耳朵里，你就听见自己开始赞美主耶稣得胜的名。
这为你除灭魔鬼作为，拯救你脱离黑暗、万膝都要屈膝俯伏敬拜的名，已经透过你的信心赐下给你，使黑暗势力的控告都如云烟散去，你的心灵就靠着圣灵的代求而平静安稳，得以静默等候祂为你争战开路。
祷告：
天父上帝，我赞美祢是我的力量、我的避难所与患难时的帮助。感谢祢在我软弱时透过圣灵为我代求，亲自坚固我，使我经历到「我何时软弱，就何时靠主得刚强」[参林后12: 10]。我感谢祢在我里面动工，使我心中有渴望，祢就给我能力去行动，能做到祢所喜悦的诫命与善工[参腓书2: 13]。
求祢赐给我祢的眼光，使我看见祢眼中的我，因着主耶稣的宝血已经使我良心清洁；因着主耶稣的真理使我的心思意念与祢对齐；因着圣灵的能力使我全然光明像祢。
求祢给我力量来专心仰望祢光明的应许，就能转眼不看黑暗或失败。黑暗权势不能遮蔽祢，而且因为我承认主耶稣是主，所以祢看我的黑暗如同光明，使我的黑夜要如白昼发亮[参诗139: 12]。奉主耶稣基督的名求。阿们。
Testimoni…
Listen for 4 min
Christians who follow God do not want to be strong and courageous to testify and serve God, but Christians who feel weak in body and mind can testify to God’s mercy and grace in “not breaking the wounded reed, and not blowing out the broken lamp.”
Corrie Ten Boom, a Dutch missionary, wrote that in a Nazi concentration camp in Germany, she heard the wails of her fellow prisoners who were sick and in fear of death. Although she herself was dying, she walked to them with a heart of love for the Lord and loved others, told them that the Lord Jesus was here, and invited them to open the door of their hearts to accept Him as their Savior.
Penkelly said she experienced that even though her flesh was weak, the Holy Spirit within her spoke through her words of comfort, encouragement, and building when she was willing to speak. And because she proclaimed God’s truth, she became strong even in her weakness.Serving in weakness motivates one another
Recently, God brought two sisters to the church to confide in me, and I happened to be in a state of heartbroken and persecuted for righteousness, sick and weak in my body. I said to them angrily, “I don’t know what to say to you, but I know that the Lord Jesus can comfort us, so let’s worship the Lord and listen to the comfort He gives us, shall we?”
So we used the Moms In Prayer prayer leaflet to pray in four steps: pray to read the Bible to praise God’s character, ask the Holy Spirit to enlighten us to confess our sins and repent, thank God for prayers that are heard or believed, and intercede for one another with the promised verses of the Bible.
As a result, we are all anointed with the Holy Spirit to heal our weak hearts as if we had come to a spiritual feast prepared by God. One of the sisters prayed and finished her long-struggling master’s thesis and received an unexpected award from the school, while the other was more committed to prayer and renewal.
I am encouraged to reach out to the saints who are in pain or need, to support each other in our time of weakness, and to experience the Lord’s love and comfort. When we hear God’s precious promises proclaimed from one another’s mouths, God’s truth rains down from heaven to cleanse our sins, entangle our hearts, nourish our thirsty hearts, and give us the strength and hope to continue facing adversity and challenges.
Listening to the old lies, leading to fear of small letters
But sometimes our weakness can come from listening to the lies of our old self or Satan, and thus losing our first love, or from believing out of fear.
For example, last year I started online to participate in a Bible Study Fellowship in Japan Xi I can speak very little Japanese, but I am very happy to get to know Japanese sisters. Although I was not familiar with the Japanese Bible and did not know much about what the Japanese sisters were sharing online, I found that the Holy Spirit still illuminated me with Bible truths that enabled me to receive spiritual meanings beyond what my mind could comprehend.
However, some time ago, I didn’t participate three times because I was unwell, and I began to worry a lot about my poor Japanese, and I felt that it didn’t matter if I was in the group or not, and I seemed to have completely forgotten the joy I had at the beginning of the class. However, I knew that the group leader had been praying for my health, so I prayed to God after I recovered and that the Lord would restore my original joy and courage to participate.
Studying the Lamentations of Jeremiah on the day of the meeting, I sensed for the first time that the prophet Jeremiah seemed to treat God as a close friend so that he could pour out all the pain in his heart to the Lord. So now that I am moved and convinced that God is always listening to me, I will briefly share this feeling with you.
Before class, when the group leader prayed for the sisters, she thanked God for allowing me to participate in the group and encouraging them. I think God encouraged me to use what I saw as inadequate, and that He could manifest His wisdom and power through my tiny instrument if I had the heart to do it.God wants to use tiny vessels to manifest power
When you are sad, why not open your mouth and cry out to the Lord as a close friend, trusting that the loving and gentle Lord is watching you and listening to your lovely voice?
The comfort of the Holy Spirit will flow out of your mouth and into the ears of your heart, and you will hear yourself begin to praise the victorious name of the Lord Jesus.
This is the name of your work of destroying the devil and saving you from darkness, and all knees shall bow down and worship, which has been given to you through your faith, so that all the accusations of the dark forces have been dissipated, and your heart will be at peace and security by the intercession of the Holy Spirit, and you may wait silently for Him to open the way for your battle.
Pray:Father God, I praise You for being my strength, my refuge, and my help in times of trouble. Thank you for interceding for me through the Holy Spirit in my weakness and for strengthening me Yourself, so that I can experience “when I am weak, I am strengthened by the Lord” [cf. 2 Corinthians 12:10]. I thank You for the work in me that I have a desire in my heart, and You have given me the power to act and do the commandments and good works that are pleasing to You [cf. Philippians 2:13].
Give me your eyes, that I may see me as you see me, because the blood of Jesus has cleared my conscience, because of the truth of Jesus to align my heart and mind with you, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, I am all bright like you.
Give me the strength to focus on Your promises of light, so that I can turn away from darkness or failure. The powers of darkness cannot cover You, and because I confess that the Lord Jesus is Lord, You see my darkness as light and make my night shine like day [cf. Psalm 139:12]. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.