直到有一天去主日崇拜,牧师讲完道後大家唱一首以前听过多次的歌:《照我本像》(Just As I Am)。那是一首词曲俱佳的歌,非常动人。那天我听著听著,眼泪就止不住地掉了下来。我知道我的时候到了。神对我一再宽容、忍耐,也因为我的硬心给我很多机会,现在我该回头、该归回了。我便说,神啊,求你赦免我的顽梗和骄傲吧,我愿意接受你做我的救主,我生命的主,我要把自己的一生都交给你,让你掌管……这是我第一次要别人“掌管”我的生命;但是,我是俯伏在天地万物的创造者面前,又有什麽可羞愧的呢?
Science and technology workers in the United States. Born in Chengdu, Sichuan, he graduated from the Department of Chemistry at Fudan University. In 1992, he went to the United States to study, and since 1995, he has been engaged in chemical research and development in the United States, serving as an R&D engineer and technical manager, and is now the director of a consulting company. In 1995, he began to touch the Chinese network, and in the past ten years, he has published a large number of articles on the Chinese network, covering religion, science, society, culture, and other aspects, and is known as the “Internet pioneer”. Guest speaker on American campuses and guest on online TV stations. He founded and managed the Gideon Connection
I have always believed that everyone’s experience of believing in the Lord can be said to be a “miracle” in itself because too many people who seem to be completely impossible to believe in the Lord have been found by the true and living God of the universe. Let’s just talk about myself, with the background of the younger generation of “intellectuals” in the mainland, and studying natural sciences, it is really all God’s grace to be able to believe in the Lord and be saved today.
I was born into a family of mainland intellectuals, and my parents both graduated from medical school after graduation, I was “assigned” to work in the Tibetan area of Sichuan, where life is difficult and the climate is “cold”. I was raised by my grandmother when I was a child, so I was able to stay in the city and get some education. When he was a child, he was an “obedient and sensible” child. When I was in middle school, the college entrance examination system had been restored, and although I was still young, I already knew in my mind that the only way out was to go to university, and I could get rid of the “fate” of going back to my parents to work . So he worked harder to study and was later admitted to Fudan University. In addition to Xi studying chemistry during college, I also struggled to absorb knowledge from other aspects and gradually became interested in Western thought and culture, and at the same time formed an “outlook on life” based on self-reliance on “personal struggle”.
At that time, although I was already suspicious and rebelled against the “official” ideology, I didn’t think much about and pursue my beliefs, and I proudly thought in my heart: “I don’t believe in anything but myself.” “After graduating from university, I returned to Chengdu to work and enter society, but I still have no faith at all. On the one hand, he wastes time in the “entertainment” of playing mahjong, but on the other hand, he is still a little “unwilling to sink”, because of the little remnant of the traditional “worrying about the country and the people” of Chinese “intellectuals” in his heart, he also wants to pursue a little “ideal”. Although the concept of “ideal” at that time was vague, it probably meant “doing something useful for the country and the people”. At that time, I thought that I was quite good, and it was better than my peers, the “Beat Generation”, who were completely indifferent to things like “ideals”.
Young intellectuals – The greatest spiritual anguish is the lack of faith in life, the confusion of the meaning of life and its value. I tried my best to get rid of this loss, but the pursuit of fame and fortune made me unable to get real satisfaction, the “entertainment” of “working people and wasting money” is tantamount to “drinking water to quench thirst”, and the state of the world in society made me realize the treacherous and sinister nature of the human heart. I began to realize that “the core of the problem is the problem of people’s hearts”, and at the same time, I saw my insignificance and pathetic: with my hopeless “human weakness”, I could not even “surpass” myself.
Amid my anguish, I was dimly aware of the need for a transcendent faith. I started reading more books on philosophy and religion. From Western philosophy to traditional Chinese thought, from Buddhism, Taoism, Lao, and Zhuang, to existentialism, and even Qigong and Destiny, I can occasionally see flashes of human wisdom, but these things do not give me the answer to the meaning of life. I also read a few books about Christianity, most of which were skeptical, critical, and even invective. The few fairer ones only introduce Christian thought as one of the spiritual pillars of the West. There is a book called “Salvation and Escape”.
From the perspective of “comparative philosophy”, the Christian belief system is “compared” with other Eastern and Western philosophical religions. Although there is no conclusion in the book, after reading it, I have a deep admiration for the Christian faith and a yearning for this belief in God. It was during this time that I was able to get some exposure to the living Christian faith by getting to know some Christians. In 1990, I went to get an amateur English tour guide license to earn some “extra money” as a “second career”. At that time, there was a Chinese escort from the British “Hovercraft Yangtze River Scientific Expedition” who hired me as an interpreter through a travel agency. The purpose of this expedition was to use hovercraft to “explore” the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, going upriver to the source of the Yangtze River.
I thought it was very interesting, and I also wanted to make some money, so I asked the unit for leave to participate in this unusual “long drift”. I later learned that almost all of the members of the group were Christians, and they had their careers and families in England. They volunteered to form a team, and each of them paid out of their pocket to come to China for this event, not for leisure purposes. In addition to scientific investigation and research in geography, geology, materials, medicine, etc., they also have an important purpose, that is, to use hovercraft, a modern means of transportation, to try to deliver medicine to isolated areas such as the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, introduce modern science and technology, and carry out humanitarian assistance. However, their activities have endured several setbacks, not only to fight against the harsh natural environment in the upper reaches of the Yangtze River but also to overcome various man-made obstacles. Despite the approval of the State Council, they still have to deal with bureaucracy and some mercenary Chinese personnel all day long, and sometimes even I, the translator, cannot help but be frustrated. But I saw that these Christians were patiently praying, looking to their God, and loving to forgive and understand others.
I spent more than a month with them in the upper reaches of the Yangtze River, and they did not have the opportunity to systematically preach the gospel to me, but I saw the strength of their faith and the positive impact of their trust in God on their lives from their attitude in the face of difficulties and dangers and from the natural outpouring of their transcendent faith. This kind of living “testimony” is far more authentic and credible than the philosophy in the books, which has made me feel good about the Christian faith, and it has also invisibly offset some preconceived preconceptions and misunderstandings. After this “long drift,” a friend of mine who was studying English told me that he had come to Christ and invited me to a “family meeting” of their young Christians in one state. I had the opportunity to meet a new generation of Chinese Christians and to see and hear how this group of young people from similar backgrounds prayed, studied, sang, and shared. However, at that time, I only had the attitude of “seeing”, and my identification with the Christian faith was still at the level of culture and knowledge, and I never thought of “believing in the Lord” and letting this faith have a relationship with my life. I came to the United States in August ’92 to study. Everyone who comes out of the mainland has a large number of twists and turns of going abroad to “pass five hurdles and kill six generals”, and I am certainly no exception.
The “retention” of the unit, the difficulty of taking the “TOEFL”, and the GRE, and applying for funding are not a problem. I waited in front of the U.S. Consulate for four days and four nights when I got a visa in Chengdu. What’s even more mysterious is that I didn’t get the second I-20 form sent to me until the afternoon of the day before my visa! Although I was not a believer at that time, I also felt a pair of loving hands leading me.
When I first arrived in the United States, I faced many difficulties at once due to the Xi of life and the loneliness of being separated from my wife. But as soon as I arrived in Alabama, “Lao Liu”, a fellow villager and fellow of the same lineage, came to pick me up at the airport. The family helped me a lot during that time, and it became a common thing for me to run here and there in a car, I soon learned that they had just become Christians at that time. Through them, I gradually got to know more Chinese and American Christian friends, and these “brothers and sisters” helped me a lot in life and spiritually, and also took me to “Bible study” and church.
I saw in them the flashes of life full of God’s love, full of peace and joy, and made me yearn for the faith behind this real life again. Studying the Bible in the Bible study allowed me to understand the basic essence of the Christian faith directly and authentically. At first, of course, I had endless questions, but because the atmosphere of the Bible study was very free and lively, I was unceremonious, and bold to ask questions and debate with my Christian friends, and the brothers and sisters always answered patiently and humbly discussed. I gradually realized my previous prejudices and misunderstandings about theism and Christianity, and I began to break through some of the barriers that I used to think of as “scientific reason”. The truth of the Bible, the comparison between evolution and creationism, the difference between Christianity and other religions – the repeated thinking and discussion made me more and more rationally agree with the Christian faith. The Bible and the words of the Lord Jesus have often shaken and touched my heart.
One Sunday in October ’92, I attended a service at a local American church. I can’t remember exactly what the American pastor said that day, but my heart was deeply touched by God’s love. When the pastor “called” after the sermon to ask those who are willing to accept the Lord Jesus at that moment to come forward, although I still have struggles in my heart and still have so many questions that I can’t understand, I am so deeply moved, I seem to be involuntary, I move to the front desk, make my decision in public, accept the Lord Jesus into my life, be my personal Savior and Lord of life, and let Him manage my life. After believing in the Lord, my life has undergone a lot of changes unconsciously, just like “blind eyes can see now”, my worldview, outlook on life, and values have been completely renewed. I used to be self-centered, morally self-righteous, and denied the existence of God, but now I know God’s creation and the sinful nature of man, and God has given me a heart of obedience to God and thanksgiving.
In the past, I searched hard for the meaning of life but found nothing, but now I can know the God who created all things in the universe and the breath of life because of the love of Jesus Christ, and through prayer and reading God’s Word and Bible, we can get close to God, experience God’s guidance in life, get God’s care every day, have a “spiritual pillar” when we are working and sorrowful, and have a source of strength when we encounter difficulties. I used to be irritable, selfish, and aggressive, but now by living in Christ and relying on God’s leading, my temper has gradually improved, and I can learn to love others in Xi church. The most obvious example is the relationship between husband and wife with his wife. Now everyone says that we are “loving and considerate”, but in fact, our original personality and temper are not so good, it is entirely because after believing in the Lord, the two of us can pray together from time to time and “obey one another” according to the teachings of the Bible, and the beautiful family life is so preserved by God. I deeply feel that becoming a Christian and being a child of God has given me the ultimate faith and purpose in my life, and it has also given me a positive attitude towards life.
My wandering soul no longer wanders, and my lost soul returns to its eternal homeland. I have been lovingly guided by God in my previous studies, job search, and current job, and I have enjoyed God’s gift of “a richer life” spiritually, this “lifestyle” has brought me a calm and stable state of mind and spiritual satisfaction and happiness beyond the environment. Looking back on the path I have traveled, I am grateful for God’s grace in me. I used to lament that fate is like “God’s dice”, but in fact, there is no “accident” with God at all. Looking back today, every step of my “journey of faith” is the traction of God’s grace and the care of God himself. God’s love makes me marvel at it, look up to it, and wish I could share it with my family and friends. Friend, if you are willing to open the door of your heart, if you truly desire to seek the truth, I believe that God will also seek you so that you too can enjoy this “amazing grace” and have this eternal life. For this is God’s will and God’s promise. “Ask, and it will be given to you, seek and find, and knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
I often feel that the world is full of people looking out the window.
They all had a common look on their faces, empty and disappointed. Like a tired mask. When I look out the window, I seem to be indifferent to everything I see, and I am indifferent to what I see. Any streetscape is like a frivolous cloud, drifting in and out, without attracting the slightest attention from them. In their blank eyes, what they see is emptiness, and what they can’t see is trembling—a tremor that we forcibly suppress within each of us. One issue of the Times magazine published its famous cover story, “The Death of God,” which mentioned that God was not a problem and was not in danger. Prayer is the center of death, and the problem is the death of prayer. It seems that although modern people are busy pursuing spiritual things, praying to God, worshiping Buddha, burning incense, and making wishes, many of them are only attracted by the divine phantom. Some people reach out and cry out for a great desire in their hearts, but more often they are cynical atheists. We are no longer simply reaching out and praying for divine contact. So God did not die, but people no longer sought God. Yet, the tremors are still there and always will be. That’s why there is so much sorrow and helplessness in the world. But if we seek it earnestly with trembling, it is not that there is no way to ask for help. Martin Buber once said, “All men can come to God, but every man has a different entrance. Our greatest opportunity lies in our differences. God’s fullness is manifested in the infinite possible ways to reach Him. Each of these methods is open to a certain person. For years, I sought with a desire, not knowing that God was leading me to Him through my different needs—identity, family, or belonging.
It was through these nostalgias and longings in love that I finally realized that there was a longing within me, a desire for something greater than me, or a power to satisfy me. It’s the hunger and deep needs of a family, friends, and oneself that can’t be satisfied. It was with that sense of powerlessness that I began to lift my eyes to God. So I experienced that believing in God makes it hard to stay at the level of knowledge. All the answers to life come with a certain passion that touches our deep depths.
Paradoxically, while we yearn for Him in every bone of our body, longing is sometimes the greatest obstacle to drawing closer to God. We are afraid that we will create a god out of our desires, as Voltaire said, “If God does not exist, we must create Him.” But many facts prove that when falsehood arises, we have to abandon it after temporary gratification. Then, we have to face the anguish of the next pursuit. Sooner or later, we will find that what we desire is not a subjective experience that we can have in our existing plane. So C. S. Lewis said, “Longing itself is proof of God’s existence. Therefore, it is painful for intellectuals to pursue God with arguments. Since longing exists in the heart, how can it be solved with the mind? That’s a kind of heart-to-heart questioning. A prompt, a wake-up, sometimes tight and sometimes loose. But it is a real force, not vague, not seeming, but a kind of insistent truth, insisting that you face and listen. Then seek. But knowing the Lord is such a humble experience. It is like walking through a dark and secluded path, without romance and beauty, only to see your soul painful and rotten. At that moment, for the first time, I wanted to escape the pain of my soul, and I wanted to do something sharply and urgently, and it was a heart-piercing pain. At the same time, it is mixed with joy, like first love, and the heart is full of infinite joy. It is also the first mourning, a deep feeling of what a spirit of sorrow and contrite is. Originally, my knowledge of sin was always on the outside. I feel that all battles are fought in the universe of the outside world. It is the people who bear the people, and the people who bear me.
After knowing God, I realized that the greatest battle between good and evil in the world is still in the heart of man, in the depths of my heart. But this discovery made my heaven and earth tilt suddenly. All at once pushed me out into the sea from the shores I had been familiar with. And all my struggles in the sea can not be swept aside by intellect and reason. It was a reversal of life, an inner crisis, and I had to think deeply inside me that I had never faced before. also met his abyss naked for the first time, without concealment or escape. This struggle with self was the first time in my life, but it was by no means the last time on the path of faith. Of course, there will be uneasiness, because it will have to be cut off from all the familiar emotions of the past. Resolutely, unties the cable and releases the boat, enters the unknown sea, and does not know when he will be able to land again. But there is an honesty in the face of one’s sin. To face oneself without running away from it is also necessary to have a kind of illumination. The important thing is that at a certain point in the struggle, a critical point will suddenly be crossed, and in an instant, all resistance and doubts will turn into peace and obedience. In a flash, the light boat has passed the ten thousand mountains.
Looking back on myself, although I was born into a Catholic family, I have a little concept of God and a little foundation in Bible stories, but I have never actively sought to know the Lord of the universe. Unconsciously, faith was lost in my life. But faith is not the same thing, which can be lost, like losing a key or a purse. To lose the true meaning of faith is to stop using faith to shape one’s life. Wandering around, without roots and bottoms, I live like a homeless child living at home, and I don’t know my father, Heavenly Father. Eventually, I became an “outsider” of the faith, living in despair and loss. But it is clear that God has not given up on me, and He has set up clues for me to search all the way home if I change my mind one day.
I remember the day after I was baptized and the day after I “went home,” a classmate called me and asked me how I felt. Once, he and I took the same position and criticized the thriving effect of this overseas Bible study school, all because of nostalgia and recognition, so a bunch of people got together to keep warm.
At that time, I didn’t understand that I only had a “human” perspective and a narrow and shallow view of spiritual things. He must have wondered, how did I “brainwash” all at once? What I said and did was like those Christians, and I was here for real? At the time, all I could say on the phone was, “Good, I feel good now!” The words were abhorrent to the point of abhorrence. But how can I explain that the new mood is really like the spring rain and the new green, the world that I look out of my eyes is full of halos, even if the place where I live is still lonely, and the people I care about have no other arms. The external situation has not improved in the slightest, but there is a constant stream of joy flowing out of the world. How do I explain that the boundless sense of loss has disappeared in an instant, and the view of life has changed from gloomy to hopeful and that after a day, a month, a year, and another year, it will still be deeply moving? How can I explain that my belief in the Lord is not because of fear of death, but because of anxiety about life? There are two paths in front of my eyes, one that seems difficult and impossible, but gives me the strength to live.
The other is easy to look at, with no need to change, but there is hopelessness and helplessness. Is it necessary to choose the most important and avoid the light? These are all superficial when placed in words, but after being reflected in life with time, they show the weight of perseverance like a mountain and a long stream of water. The transformation of life cannot be done in two or three sentences! However, life has been completely turned upside down. * Not long after I came to faith, I was faced with the question of my future. Work, identity, and where to go? is a problems that all overseas travelers face, but every time they face it is fragile. Some people can’t find a job, so they have to go on with one degree after another, master’s degree, doctorate, or post-doctorate. Some people can live in a lonely small city that is out of the dust, and they can’t turn over for a few years. Coupled with the single status, the world is so big, and it seems that there is nowhere to live. Now, however, I find that feeling of panic gone. I learned to give and pray.
So on the one hand, I actively threw away my autobiography and looked for a job, and on the other hand, I felt that if I couldn’t find it, I would do well if I stayed at Purdue University in the Midwest of the United States. It is a sense of certainty and steadfastness about the unknown life. It wasn’t long before I heard back from Hughes Aircraft in California who asked me for an interview. In the midst of this, I learned to pray and throw stones to ask for directions. Sure enough, it didn’t take long to get the offer. However I didn’t expect to apply for status for work, and when I pulled out my diplomatic status documents for eight years in the U.S. State Department, I was surprised to find that my status had already expired. Suddenly, I became an illegal immigrant! The mistake was entirely because when my parents left, they were young, they didn’t care about anything, and they didn’t have any idea about identity documents, so they were delayed.
This is a major matter of survival in the United States! At that time, I had everything packed and ready for work, and my apartment was surrounded by walls. I sat in a pile of cardboard boxes and thought about my way out. It’s strange, obviously like a refugee, but the bottom of my heart is very calm. I know that there are thousands, tens of thousands of illegal immigrants in the United States, and they still breathe the American air, work and live as ordinary people. There are still roads, but the question is how do I go by myself? When I consulted with a Bible study counselor at the time, he mentioned that since he was a Christian, “illegality” was never a good testimony. Therefore, it is best to follow the legal route to see how to change from illegal to legal. Yes, so I contacted Hughes to see if there was anyway. The company replied that it would ask a lawyer. Alas, people are superficial, who is the company that has to pay the price, to fight for to stay? During the waiting period, the future is uncertain, but the fire of the first letter held me up, and there has always been a kind of peace in my heart. In between, a friend committed suicide and was hospitalized. Thinking that his belief in the Lord was also because of his love, he volunteered to go to the hospital to take care of her and explain his faith to her, hoping to pull her out of emotional confusion. Every day, I go out early and return late, almost forgetting that I still have unresolved matters. One day, when Fang returned home, an immigration officer came to the door. Take out a notice of deportation. This is very fatal for illegal immigrants. At that time, I was unusually calm, thinking to myself, that I had just passed through a ghost gate life and death struggle, and nothing in this world could scare me anymore.
But strangely, the six-foot-tall, blonde-haired, white-dressed immigration officer was so kind that he offered to tell me, “Don’t be afraid, you have a lot to do. For example, Hughes can help you get it back. Then he got in touch with Hughes’s lawyer on the phone, and the two of them were very pleasant. After hanging up the phone, he stressed that most people have a misconception of immigration officers, thinking that they are all cross-eyed and will carry illegal immigrants by the collar and rudely throw them out of the country. But in fact, they are very polite and have a process for doing things, so don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid. This sounded familiar, and then I remembered that it was in the Bible that an angel appeared to Mary. An immigration officer who deported me behaved like an angel? It’s grace, I know. So leaving the country is inevitable.
The world is so big, where can I go? After some thought, I chose to go back to Taiwan. After going abroad for eight years, I didn’t know that I was a guest in my dreams. I often dream that I am in Taiwan, but when I wake up, I find that I am still in a foreign land, which is very sad. Can a dream that cannot be fulfilled in eight years take shape under such circumstances? I know that this is also the fulfillment of God. However, many well-meaning friends advised me to think twice, and if I said it, I might not be able to come back, especially in Taiwan.
Is it that you can’t come back? Is it important? For a Christian, as long as he has a Bible, where can he stay in the north and south of the country? With God’s presence? Why should I be afraid? Finally, on the day of my departure, I got on a small plane that took off from Pudu, and looked out of the small window at the land that I had lived in for three years, and little by little, it became distant. All the joys, sorrows, loves, hatreds, and hatreds that have happened in them are now far away. All the shackles and shackles are also freed. I am now a bird, and my world is a wider sky. Sighing and shifting my eyes, I looked at the sun high above the clouds, and my heart was full of infinite longing.
erudite prayer and silent moments, the heart swelled with indescribable sourness. I don’t know if it’s an intensification of my feelings or if is it inspired by divine revelation, but I gradually fell in love with prayer, and the gesture of crying in my heart was so moving and painful. How incredible is this! For a “post-80s” boy who is recognized as having extreme thoughts, a strange personality, and an indifferent expression, there is the softest blood and heart. And this softness, gentleness, and true self of me is fully awakened when I face God directly. This is my inner room, this is the magic of my communication with the universe. all the outward laughter and strength, disguise and meanness, are shattered in an instant. I have seen my death at the same time, and I will see my resurrection at the same time.
The resurrection may take a long time.
I’m a mortal! I was uneasy when I suddenly realized this big problem. Even when I prayed, I thought that I had entered the supernatural realm and obtained some kind of supernatural energy, but I did not feel humbled and felt the cosmic kinship that the transcendent had bestowed upon me, and I was connected by blood. When He approached me, the mountain of my soul was moved, torn down, and returned naked with a new life. It’s all grace! Nothing but grace. If it weren’t for grace, my life, the changes in the world, the withering of plants and trees, and the movement of the planet. All of this is maintained by the benevolent protection of the first driving force. There is no greater power of faith between heaven and earth than this.
Faith in mortals takes on a new connotation for everyday life, and faith in the superman leads us to certain glory. This is the promise of the incarnation.
Although the scenery on the side of the road is bleak, a person’s trek has long forgotten the beautiful scenery, as if I have forgotten myself. I’m young, I’m on my way, I’m young, I’m longing to travel.
● The beginning of life
Individual life, as if born with a religious nature, may be strongly adhered to atheism or other discourses in the future, and you will never be able to avoid the myriad complexes of life coming from the chaos to the earth, in Dr. Leung Yin Cheng’s view, this event is the great cosmic affection. The advent of life is the greatest miracle in the universe. All the delicate arrangements and proper arrangements in the universe, all the light and rain, can be seen as a heartfelt welcome to individual life. The life that comes out of life, the light that comes out of eternity, the cold cosmic and biological laws, in the sustainment of divine love, gives dignity and breadth to life itself.
When I was young, I experienced several coming-of-age disasters. My father lived in a remote but historic village, which was once a desert outside the Zhou Dynasty. Facing a large wasteland for generations, I don’t know how many bones have been buried and how many unjust cases have been caused in this piece of yellow earth. Fei Xiang’s song “Hometown” resounded in the sky over China in the 80s, but it did not awaken people’s search for a more beautiful hometown. In the Chinese mainland in the 80s, the vigorous stories of the times were constantly unfolding against the same background, and at the center of all the stories continued to write a common theme: this ancient land, the dignity, and value of human life were devalued to a lower degree.
After the “purge” of Wen Gee, the masses have never been able to produce a deep awakening of the soul, and people yearn for real and certain comfort. In the countryside, many people enter the monastery in a hazy way, worship in front of the statue of the Buddha, and all the goods built come from the donation of each family. People do not know anything about the wisdom of the Buddha and his life, words, and deeds, and they do not know anything about the refuge of Master Hongyi and the journey of faith of Mr. Lin Yutang and only regard the Buddha as a fantasy god to seek prosperity and physical well-being in the future. The countryside in my childhood memories presents an incongruous atmosphere.
Our past and present lives have been laid out by God’s pen. He has never kept humanity in a state of chaos. In the beginning, the earth was empty and chaotic, and the Spirit of God moved on the waters, and also on every chaotic and confused land.
When my mother was young, she came to God. This was an unprecedented move at that time. Almost the whole family could not understand that the people of the clan had always cherished the deepest loyalty to the Buddha and other gods of all kinds, and were vague when asked about the reason for their hopes. Under the mysterious influence of the historical allusion to “Fengming Qishan”, too many people are in a deep-rooted haze and uncivilized state. Faith in God’s Mother shows extraordinary wisdom, tolerance, and fraternity among her neighbors, and although there is little culture, the outpouring of inner life is evident. In the ostentatious countryside, my mother always used Jesus’ teachings as the foundation of her life: blessed are the peacemakers, love God, and love your neighbor as yourself.
After their marriage, their parents have been examples for their neighbors to praise and follow. They had two older sisters, and the third baby boy died in a hurry on the first night of life. In a land where there is no truth to be revealed, any ridiculous thought can flourish: the neighbors agree that a family cannot be sustained without a boy, and the family becomes the talk of others. Due to the pressure of the world, the mother wanted to support the neighbor’s child to make up for the shortcomings.
The mother later said that it was a summer moon, she had contacted a family in the same village, and the baby boy was very cute. Unexpectedly, her hands were swollen and painful for no reason, and a piece of steamed bread was difficult to hold. She prayed, then gave up the idea, and her will was renewed: if she took the neighbor’s child at will, it would bring regret and harm to three sides in the future, and it would last for a lifetime. The mother waited with hope, and she was sure that no life would come for no reason, and no life would be meaningless.
To this day, I believe that the prayer gestures of many people who sincerely look up to God are the most touching emotions in the universe: all the love and longing that come from the heart are like rivers, and the true good and evil, tenderness and longing of human nature are also vividly presented.
It didn’t take long for my parents to have me.
Perhaps only the Mother determines how God sustains the conception and birth of a love life.
In the future, when I experienced the hardships of growing up more deeply, I was greatly comforted by the memory of my mother’s prayers. It is as if every word of the Bible is closely related to the life of an individual:
“You have made my inwards.
I am in my mother’s womb, and you have covered me.
I praise you, for I have been made wonderfully and fearfully.
Your deeds are wonderful, and I know them in my heart.
Your eyes have seen my unformed constitution. ”
Life itself is a miracle. Life science is about the ins and outs of the birth of life, and cannot give nobility and dignity to life itself. Any life, whether president or beggar, is given value and meaning by God at the beginning of life. For God, there are no accidents in life. The Christian faith holds great value for the universal values of humanity, and it is revealed by the light of God. The Bible’s first place of human beings under God’s creation, care, and redemption is more moving than the cold and flawed theory of evolution. When a criminal suddenly discovers that life is not accidental, that his birth contains the most ingenious arrangement of cosmic intelligent design, that he has a pair of divine eyes that transcend worldly judgment, and that he walks lightly into the desert of your heart with the ultimate care of tenderness, he will immediately find hope of survival. He was reborn in the Holy Kingdom.
Although at the beginning of history, there was a scene of the ancestors who turned away from God and brought endless sins and disasters to the history of mankind, however, God’s loving redemption was revealed to mankind on the cross of Jesus Christ to the highest peak so that all who confessed to Jesus Christ could be reconciled to God.
This long journey home, as a sinner, still has a considerable amount of mental road to go.
● Childhood
Memories of childhood are the best testimonies to the care and love of the Most High experienced by a simple and weak individual at the beginning of his life.
When I was three years old, my partner and I were mowing grass for silkworms in the field. The scythe cut cut my left index finger, leaving only a layer of skin attached. When the neighbor who passed by saw it, he immediately wrapped his finger in a handkerchief and took me to the village medical room, where I did not feel pain, washed, stitched, removed stitches, and healed…… One year during the Spring Festival, I fell into a large pot of radish broth that had just come out of the pot, but I did not faint, I received treatment soberly, and I clearly remembered my mother’s call to God: “Lord, save my child.” At the age of six, he suffered from jaundice and hepatitis, and his two months of traditional Chinese medicine and dripping life were unbearable, he was healthier than ordinary children, which made the attending physician feel incredible. Looking back, if it weren’t for God’s love and grace, his life would have been lost.
Many theologians who have never met God in the desert of life mistakenly believe that God created the world and human beings and that we have always been in a “state of abandonment”, and that the universe and human beings seem to have fallen into the abyss, and God has never intervened in the reality of individual life. Tom Watson’s Systematic Theology, a gift from a friend, explains God’s perfect care for his creation: “By his utmost holiness, wisdom, and power, he protects all his creation, and governs all their actions.” “There is no emotion in the universe, and it is difficult to reveal its truth beyond such a divine protection, even in the liturgical form of religion.
It was very sloppy and very warm to end my childhood.
When he was seven years old, his family moved to the provincial capital. I still remember that before leaving, my aunt gave me a bag of books: this is a Bible. Seven years in the countryside, there were simple Christian meetings every week in my house. There is no formal procedure, no indoctrination of high doctrines, just ordinary neighbors, gathered together to sing hymns and pray. Their timbre may be grotesque, their singing skills are almost nil, and they know nothing about the genre. In the eyes of common admiration and simple praise, it reflects a love and tranquility beyond the abnormal.
From an early age, he was able to sing many traditional hymns. A praise for life, what a pure and noble cosmic kinship.
In retrospect, the nourishment of the soul at that time had a powerful effect on one’s wholesome growth, and it will always make you feel in awe of the divine presence in the face of increasing materialization. The dialogue between man and God will make your soul grow stronger, and in the ever-changing times, you will always remain a free soul and never lose the essence of “man”. All the great evils and disasters in the history of mankind are in fact the result of the oppression of the soul by the flesh. When the two dimensions of the soul – spirit and spirituality, mind and emotion – have not yet been redeemed and reformed, and the physical body does whatever it wants in a limited and obscure space, man is not called human. A free soul is a prerequisite for the rebirth of the individual, as Berdyaev said: “For generations, mankind has pursued the path of freedom from slavery.” The decisive factor in this process is Jesus Christ. Mr. Lin Zhiping’s arduous journey of finding people in “Daytime Lantern” is probably the most detailed description of the return to the basics of “people”.
● From anger to redemption
In the city, it seems that everything has become strange, but it is also gradually getting closer to the truth. For the first time, I was deeply aware of the complex contained in Trakl’s poem “The Soul – the Stranger of the Earth”. In the nineties of the last century, the clarion call of reform and opening up sounded in this ancient land, nearby factories rose from the ground, and four towering iron towers pointed to the sky. From the 80s to the 90s, the uniformity of an era has changed to the popularity and swaying posture of an era, and the development trend has continued to the present. The continent that pursues the super-British and catches up with the United States, solidifies all values in GDP growth and personal pleasure, “I” can be above all things, and all things should be born and destroyed because of “me”, but refuse to adhere to the dignity and sacredness of individual life. The 5,000-year-old Chinese history has accumulated the root of national inferiority, and it is even more in line with the external extravagance interpretation to the extreme.
The community has a fresh surface every day. Almost the same face with a weird smile. The multi-million-dollar street garden is a place for people to chat and relax. Excluding this external prosperity, what is hidden inside is the flies and dogs, as well as the real insider trading. It seems that the inferior genes brewed by the ten years of catastrophe have refused to leave, and they still deduce the cannibalism between compatriots, but the disguise is more reasonable. A nearby disco was a place for men to have fun, and many witnessed a young girl named “working girl” being pulled into a “Buick” car by a group of men who were nearly kidnapped, leaving behind a miserable cry. The irony is that a certain office worker woman is a companion in Xi’an, and the man in the same unit goes to the same amusement park, and the two meet unexpectedly, and they are silent with each other.
Just like Mr. Lin’s helpless “daytime lantern”, the awakened suddenly found that in the hustle and bustle, the “person” was gone. “People” are wrapped in money, power, and sex, and have no freedom at all. I often miss the praise of my hometown, the simple people and things in my hometown, and I can only say helplessly like Zhang Ailing in “Love in a Fallen City”: “We can’t go back.” ”
In such an environment, I struggled to grow up as a teenager. Mother’s belief in God has been able to gain more and more respect here. Her virtue and intelligence have also made her much praised. When I was in elementary school, I was lonely and showed an excessively precocious tendency toward other children my age. At the same time, I profoundly discovered that there is a serious problem in China’s current education system, in the same class, there will be a division of 369 and so on, and the only criterion for division is always a score that is like blood illusion, the teacher smiles at the top students, and the corporal punishment is imposed on those who fail to pass the grades, and the students feel that their personality is trampled on, their dignity is violated, and it is hard to imagine that an education system without love has been cultivatedWhat will the “elite” look like, and how serious the psychological annihilation will be to the rest of the students. When the Maccajue case surfaced, the case of the murder of a political science and law student returned, and the extreme ecstasy of Chinese students after the “911” incident in the United States, our distorted national psychology was exposed. Then I think of the lies and drawbacks of “atheism”, because God is not present, and there is bound to be a lack of divine ultimate care in any field so that the cultivation of the quality of life of forgiveness, love, and faith cannot be found in our current education.
When I graduated from elementary school, my grandmother died. This is an old man who has been “Amitabha” all his life, treated badly by his relatives in his old age and died without complaint. Her love for me, and the filial piety of my parents to my grandmother. The past is like yesterday. I am not saddened by the death of my grandmother – death is the only way for all beings, death is a part of life, and death is the end and leap of life, as Kierkegaard said: “Each of us has to walk this way—to cross the bridge of sighs and into eternity.” “The loss of my grandmother prompted me to think more deeply about the ultimate question of life and death. The teenager is immature and difficult to bear. After settling in the aftermath and accompanying my family back from my hometown, I finished mourning for my grandmother in a small homemade box.
Perhaps, from that moment on, my memory became heavy. What comes into the faith comes from a longer period of growth later on. Whether it is joy or sorrow, sorrow or joy, all of this is still grace. There is nothing but grace.
When I was in middle school, my Chinese teacher assigned a propositional essay about the immortality of the Dead Sea. The rest of the students only analyzed from the perspective of physics and chemistry in a one-sided way, which is no different from the main text of the textbook. I thought of God’s creation, the vitality of life, and other beautiful and moving scenes, and related them to the ecological protection of the times, and wrote a “Dialogue between the Creator and Man”. Although it was praised, it also seemed to hint at the state of mind that followed with the chaos that followed. This kind of thinking was already latent in the cells of my grandmother when she died.
I traveled to many hospitals in Xi’an by my mother’s side. Occasionally sleepy, occasionally awake. The definition given by medicine made me feel funny in the future. The nurses on duty, young girls who had just graduated from medical school, judged that there were no abnormal pathologies through my fragmentary records, one chief physician scribbled the diagnosis with “depression”, and another specialist wrote “intermittent loss of consciousness”. My doubts about the nature of modern medicine as a result of this, and at the same time, I have a little more understanding of Lu Xun’s move to abandon medicine and follow literature: the two doctors with prestigious titles have no mercy, and their professional ethics make people suspicious. Modern medicine, if it lacks a divine caring orientation, is only the initiator of human troubles.
The sentence given by the medicine made me fall into an unnamed struggle for a while, and I felt a sense of hopelessness beyond words. My upbringing made it impossible for me to avoid a major breach in my life: I had a hidden disease of intermittent confusion, which would cause individuals to be unable to attain normal joy and perceive the happiness of life and the value of existence. This reminds me of the madman Nietzsche, who invented “God is dead, Superman is born” and finally died of madness; I think of Van Gogh, the impressionist master who committed suicide by drinking bombs in a delirium at the age of 37; and even Shi Lu of the Chang’an School of painting who was persecuted because of political turmoil and ran mad. These individuals who did not perceive the existence of God, or experienced the reality of God, but eventually abandoned their faith, all ended up committing suicide. The vigor of the flesh and the fame of the talent will go down in history, and the followers and admiration of the younger generations, but with the dust of history, draw a meaningful end.
In the night of life, I resolutely cannot see the morning star overhead. Mother’s faith in God has been tested like never before. All of John Bunyan’s experiments with Christians described in Pilgrim’s Progress are condensed into a mother’s concern and anxiety about her son. She still prays for me. So much so that I associated my mother with Augustine’s mother, Monica. For a while, the mother gave up her faith. The mother’s loss stems from her unforgettable love for her son, and she has a tragic episode of the prodigal son leaving home on the stage of life and faith. In the month of her departure from God, my mother said that it was the bleakest day, and she could not help herself when she thought of the praise she had received and the infinite kindness she had received. The mother immediately fell to her knees and prayed for mercy from the Lord, and no longer prayed for any satisfaction other than God, but only God Himself. The return of the prodigal son from home is also the most intimate and starry cosmic family affection.
I walked in the desert of youth in extreme anger and speculation about death. Even fantasizing about completing the last leap in life in the deep messianic complex like Haizi although it is called a leap, it is tantamount to self-destruction. This denies not only existence itself but also God who gives meaning and value to life.
God’s commandment “Thou shalt not kill” includes suicide.
The true Messianic complex is a willingness to go to the cross, where there is truth and life, and to be able to forgive the world as Jesus Christ did: “Forgive, Father. ”
● Healing light
About three years ago, I stopped taking medication and no one who communicated with me to a greater or lesser degree could connect me with the patient. The phrase “medication for life” on my medical card scares me, but it finally gives me confidence. I made the decision to wean off the medicine, and based on my mother’s persistent prayers, she sought God’s healing of me in all aspects. Mother is a smart person, and she has seen too many similar cases in the psychology subject. She was sure that the diagnosis of “depression” and “affective disorder” was true. Mother’s prayers always revolve around one theme: “Lord, His life belongs to you.” Pray that you will renew his vision of the world, give him a new creation spirit, and put perfect love in him. ”
My mother’s understanding of me stems in large part from God’s bonding for my family. People with depression are trapped in deep negative emotions, which are often caused by self-centeredness and a lack of a balanced worldview. More and more people with depression are moving towards suicide in anger and depression. All my judgments of my society are still based on self-righteousness, and even in Bai Yang’s “The Ugly Chinese”, I have found a trace of solace as the basis for my correct judgment of national character, but in the end I found that there is still no way out. The criticism that originates from the sinful nature has no light at all, but only proves the narrowness and self-esteem of human nature. The resulting depressed mood will gradually eat away at the normal functioning of the individual, becoming autistic in anger and resentment, and looking at everything around him tastelessly.
Mother prayed to God to give me perfect love. I was blown away by that.
When my reason, emotion, and will were renewed by God, I realized a great fact: all people have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. The Bible encircles the cynical, self-righteous “me” among the “criminals,” and I realize that I am no more noble than others, and not only that, but I can touch the bitterness within. All the criticism and resentment only illustrate one fact: my love is not perfect. There is no criminal law in perfect love, and when love is perfect, it removes fear.
In the wandering of life, about God’s grace and redemption, I have an encounter from eternity and life. What a wonderful renewal, God’s perfect healing of a sinner!
St. Francis’ prayer for peace is the truest voice of all those who come to God:
“Lord, make us your instruments of peace: sow forgiveness where there is hurt, hope where there is despair, and joy where sorrow. Lord, give us what we have always dreamed of: that we should seek comfort not for comfort, not for understanding, but for understanding, not for love, but for love. Because giving is what we gain, forgiving others and we are forgiven. Such death is our rebirth. ”
●Epilogue
“There are two things, the deeper and more persistent I think about them, the more the wonder and awe they evoke in my soul will grow with each passing day: these are the stars above my head and the moral law in my heart. ”
Kant said.
For Mother, about me, and even for everyone who looks up to the stars amid great sorrow, they live out the call of their ancestors: “Lord, if my soul does not find rest in you, it will always be troubled.” ”
Looking back, it was just the first answer sheet in life. It doesn’t matter what the results are, what the victory or defeat is, participating in a feast of life, inviting to be invited to a feast of love of life, this is already infinite grace. A person’s life trek, inadvertently, receives the true consolation of Christ’s incarnation, and henceforth does not surprise words and misunderstandings, but looks at all things with a new God-given eye, blesses and prays for one another. Christ completed God’s redemption by accepting a broken me and will heal me again. Greek philosophy’s profound and exquisite argument on the “Dao”, and Lao Zhuang’s philosophy on the “Dao” argument of the mean. And only Jesus Christ, with His outstretched arms, embraces every indifferent and lonely life in the universe.
At the moment of embrace, God said there should be light, and there was light. Since then, all beings have been perfected, and all things have been sublimated.
“Death is at me, and my body is about to return to dust, eaten by worms. How unfathomable is the abyss between my deep anguish and the eternal kingdom of Christ! I am amazed that my ambition and that of Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great have vanished in the air, and that Jewish redneck, Jesus, has stretched out his hand across the ages to control the fate of mankind and nation. ”
He was born in extreme poverty, but through his hard work, he achieved great success in society, and because of God’s miraculous arrangement, his life took on a completely different track. It is hoped that readers will experience the value and meaning of life from the life journey of this entrepreneur who was called by God to become a pastor and serve God wholeheartedly.
In the past 40 years of my life, I have had many benefactors and good friends that I have missed. I often think of giving them the best gift to express my love and gratitude to them, what gift can I give them that represents my heart, is meaningful to them, and has real value? Today, I would love to share my life experience as a gift to you, my dear siblings and friends. I love you!
Poor family – looking for change
I was born in a very poor, remote rural area in Hunan. In my childhood, starvation and freezing were the most vivid memories of me. Most of our clothes were coarse cloth woven from cotton threads, and we were often unclothed, our staple food was shredded sweet potatoes, and we were often hungry. My parents had five children, but my father was bedridden due to overwork when he was 37 years old, my father had sold everything in the family for treatment, and even demolished two of the small mud houses he lived in, selling them for less than 300 yuan, which was still far from enough to pay for my father’s medical expenses. His father’s illness dragged on for nearly three years, and finally, at the age of thirty-nine, his father left this world. It was my eighth birthday, and my father’s birthday present was a cry for the whole family, I didn’t shed a single tear at that time. I seem to be sensible. I was determined that one day, I would be able to go out and earn money so that my mom my siblings, and I could have a meal of white rice and be truly full!
A few years later, I left my secondary school Xi to work as a migrant worker, doing the lowest job and receiving the least income; I had no human dignity, let alone any labor insurance or medical insurance. I’ve moved cement, I’ve pulled pallet trucks, I’ve been a quarryman, I’ve been a construction mason. In winter, we migrant workers slept in simple sheds, in the cold wind; in summer, we spent the night on the construction site and the side of the road, accompanied by mosquitoes! On a hot summer day, I dragged a cart to pull goods in the city, and when I passed by the door of an office room, the cold air seeping out of the cracks in the glass door made me feel very cool, and I thought that if I had the opportunity to spend an hour in such a room one day, I would be very satisfied! This was my greatest wish for a happy life at that time.
The day of the Dragon Boat Festival in 1985 was very special in my life, because Xiao Qiao, a migrant worker who slept in the bed next to me, suddenly had an accident! At that time, we were digging trenches and laying communication cables along the Beijing-Guangzhou railway line. Little Joe and I finished our work that day and went to the ditch on the other side of the railroad to wash our clothes, and turned around and stood in the middle of the double-track line waiting for the train to pass, and when the train in front of us passed, Little Joe, who was standing next to me, was gone!
It turned out that he had not paid attention to the train coming from behind while waiting for the train in front of him, and the fast wind of the train swept him in! A living young man, in an instant, became a blur of flesh and blood, and his face was unrecognizable. Another migrant friend and I dragged him out from under the stopped train, and when he saw that his mouth squirmed twice, but he didn’t say anything, he died. His skull was smashed by a train, and his brains flowed out. The man had already made several turns under the car, his whole body was covered with oil and blood, and his left foot was broken into two sections, leaving only a piece of skin attached. I and another migrant worker friend brought his body to his house and saw a father in his seventies, a child of about three years old, and a baby who was about to give birth in his belly.
The whole family was counting on this young man to go out and earn money to support the family, but a sturdy man went out and returned with a mutilated corpse! Only then did I understand what Xiao Qiao wanted to say but did not say before he died! When I left the deceased’s house, I was very emotional: It is really hard to be a migrant worker! I have no identity and no insurance. Will I be the next one to die in a car accident? What is my future? I am at a loss.
Personal struggle – struggle to the death
I decided to go to school, maybe reading could change my fate, I thought at that time. Through the financial support of my uncle, who was a farmer from a slightly better family, I was admitted to university after a year of hard work. I have always been an excellent student in college, and when I was about to graduate, I received a letter from a professor at East China University of Science and Technology, asking me to be his graduate student without examination. However, due to the inopportune time, some special circumstances at that time prevented me from continuing my studies. But I believed that man would win the day, and I would be in charge of my destiny, so I applied for a job at the “Zhengda” Group, a foreign-funded company that was a bit famous at the time, and was exceptionally admitted with my three-inch tongue. Unfortunately, two years later, our department was shut down, and the “iron rice bowl” really didn’t work at that time. I declared war on fate again – to start my own company. At that time, there was no private enterprise, so I used my cleverness to make flexible use of the name of the Science and Technology Commission, and I quickly got the business license.
In 1994, when the Chinese Company Law was officially promulgated, my company became one of the first private enterprises. The business was also relatively successful, and soon I was making some money. At the beginning of 1999, I passed five more hurdles, six generals, passed the exams, became an EMBA student of CEIBS, and set up branches in the United States, Hong Kong, and other places. At that time, the expectation was to create a successful career, make my company into the Fortune 500, and become the second Bill Gates.
I’m proud of every step I’ve walked and proud of myself. However, my life was corrupted day by day, and I spent most of my time at the wine table, card table, or dance hall except for working hard. My children felt strange to me and refused to call me dad, and my wife often troubled me. Sometimes I am also confused: I have doubled the dream of eating white rice and dreaming of blowing the wind in an air-conditioned room, but not only can people not be happy, on the contrary, they have more sorrow. Today, I am saved, I wonder if someone gave me a gift at that time, it was the words of the Lord Jesus: “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world and lose his life? What can a man exchange for his life?” (Matthew 16:26) Maybe I’ll think seriously and ask why I’m struggling for my futile pursuits, or maybe I’ll see my sinful nature and repent and turn to the Lord. But no one gave me such a gift. Today, I am also thinking that even if someone gave me such a gift at that time, I might not accept it at all.
Hear the Gospel – Salvation by grace
I became more and more selfish and stubborn, more and more self-righteous, and often self-righteous and proud. If it weren’t for God’s special mercy, I don’t know where I would be today. In September 1999, by chance, I came to the United States on a business trip. I went to see a friend in Denver and he told me, “I’m grateful that you’ve come from China to come and see me in such a tight time, but I’m sorry I don’t have time for you because we’re preparing an evangelistic meeting, and if you don’t mind, please come too.” “I thought it was a little funny at the time, I said that I had never seen any immortal emperors, and every step I took was made by myself. But I am also amazed: Why is the United States, a place that stresses civilization and science, so ignorant and still believes in God? Even those intellectuals with doctorates are like this. Anyway, out of respect for my friends, I went. Who knows, I got a very unexpected gift, the value of which is not 10 million, not 100 billion, it is worth everything and even my life to seek, but it is a grace that I have obtained for nothing!
That was the first time I heard the Gospel. I realized that there is a God who is in charge of our lives and is watching over us every day! I realized that money does not bring peace, education does not bring peace, and identity and status do not bring peace! It turns out that the root of all human disasters is “sin” – the thoughts and actions that deviate from God’s standards. Ever since our first patriarch Adam disobeyed the Creator’s command to sin, “sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and death came to all men because all sinned” (Romans 5:12). There can be no true peace and joy in the bondage and curse of sin! Thank God that “Christ gave Himself for our sins, according to the will of God our Father, to save us from this sinful generation” (Galatians 1:4). The Creator loves us, and He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, His blood on the Cross for our sins and His resurrection from the dead, providing us with saving grace.
It was the grace of God that moved me that day to accept Him as my personal Savior and Lord of my life. When I knelt before God, my sins were revealed before my eyes, and these sins have always been righteous and glorious in my eyes in the past. Now it makes me feel indebted and guilty. I wept bitterly over my sins, weeping that I was born of sin, that our sins crucified our Lord. I wept over my filth, and I was not worthy to come to God, because God is a righteous God and a holy God. After a long confession of sin, I calmed down, and I also felt Jesus take me by his loving hand and say to me, “Son, I have taken all your sins upon me, and I have given you new life!” I was completely freed, and I knew that I was no longer a slave to “sin”, but the creator of heaven and earth, and a child of God the Father!
After I came to faith, my life changed radically, and my wife began to seek it because she saw my change. Thank God that the next year, my wife and eight-year-old daughter were baptized! With God’s love, my wife and I began to learn to love each other Xi, and to love our children with our hearts. Later, God wonderfully gave us three children: the second daughter, the second daughter, the third Geshun, and the fourth Caleb. Our family has time to gather together for prayer almost every day, and we often have thanksgiving worship as a family, sharing God’s grace, and we all have endless testimonies. Temptation of distress – God gives faith。
After I became a believer, God showed me to stay away from sin, especially from too many sins in business: eating, drinking, prostitution, gambling, bribery, and tax evasion. Many people ridiculed me for being “ignorant” and “living a Christian life in a vacuum.” In the meantime, we have lost many customers as a result, and some employees have gone to companies with “advantages” because of inflexible company policies and difficulties in “operation”, and sometimes I am confused. But God’s Word always gives me confidence and strength at this time. I believe that everything is under God’s control, and it depends on how God leads. During that time, we lost some employees and lost a lot of customers. Amazingly, by the end of the year, I found that our employees’ business capabilities had grown in particular, we had added a lot of direct users and agents who did not talk about business at the wine table but did serious things, and our turnover and profits that year were higher than in previous years!
The Lord has led me through many victorious experiences in the mall, in my family life, and my personal growth. Many things that seem impossible to people are happening around me. Although I have been weak and failing, the hand of the Lord’s grace has never forsaken me, and I have been upheld by Him. Sometimes some difficulties or things don’t go your way, but when you come to the Lord, you will have an answer immediately.
God’s call—for the Lord’s use
At the end of 2001, when my company was at its best, God moved me to give up my career and receive equipment to better use the Lord and feed the Lord’s sheep. After a period of preparation, God opened the door for me to be equipped at Moody Bible Institute, allowing me to be theologically equipped and edified! My greatest takeaway at Moody has been to know our Lord better. The more you know God, the more you see your shortcomings, the more you know God, the more sensitive you are to your sins, the more you know God, the more you see your grace, the more you know God, the more you see the meaning of your life in this world. I have no reason to live for myself, I should live for Him who shed His blood and died for me. Galatians 2:20 is the verse of my life: “I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me, and I now live in the flesh, by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” ”
Although my material living conditions as a preacher are far less privileged than those of my “entrepreneur,” and although the work I do today is not as handy as my work as an “entrepreneur,” God has taught me Xi humility, Xi to look up to him, and Xi to be a servant and a minister. That’s why every day I am filled with peace and joy and experience his presence! This is the peace and joy that I didn’t have in the past, whether I was a migrant worker or an entrepreneur, whether I slept on the road or slept on Simmons, whether I ate shredded sweet potatoes or ate a five-star hotel. Especially when my relatives and friends receive the most precious gift of my life because of my evangelism, I am happier than anything else. This is the true meaning and value of life that I have found!