1. The power of the gospel – the whole family is blessed
The story also starts from when I was born, since I was born, my mother has been seriously ill, although she has sought countless medical treatments, the medicine stones are ineffective, and the family is even more destitute.
Since that moment, on the most conspicuous table in our house, several “distinguished guests” have been invited one after another – Guanyin, the land god, the Buddha, etc. Although my father pulled my seriously ill mother and young me every day, punctually offered them offerings, offered incense, bowed down, and even underwent strict training in posture, after several years, these “miracle doctors and immortals” did not seem to have discussed and formulated a “treatment plan”, and my mother’s condition did not improve at all. In desperation, my father had to take my mother, who had no way to seek medical treatment, to “find” Jesus, who was “in the limelight” at that time, and was said to be a “great immortal with higher mana”.
Later, as the truth of the Bible deepened, their utilitarian hearts were eliminated and their faith was established. Finally, one day, my parents resolutely smashed the idol that they had worshiped in their family for many years, threw away the medicine jar that Lai Yi had lived for, and bravely opened the door of their home to those who believed in it in the confusion and doubts of their relatives, established the first church in the village and served God until now.
I was about five years old at the time, and because of my parent’s faith, I became a “little Christian” as a matter of course. But because I grew up in this “special” family environment, my “hatred” for God grew day by day!
2. God’s Elect – Personal Grace
“Cowardice and shame” is the deepest feeling and evaluation I have for those who believe in Jesus, especially my parents, as an adult.
It can be said that I grew up surrounded by all kinds of bullying and abuse from my neighbors! And any resistance and dissatisfaction will be severely reprimanded by my parents. I couldn’t understand what they were saying: This is suffering for the Lord! I just know that this God has made the mother who was once called “tigress” so cowardly and incompetent to her father, who was once regarded as a “capable man”! I hate God! I want to change this reality!
I’m very good at making friends, especially those who are seen as “ruffians” who are always easy to befriend. I enjoy this life because no one dares to mess with me. What God, what Jesus, unconsciously disappeared from my life. I squandered my life and youth in sin.
“So-and-so just crashed and died!” my friend casually told me, but it was a bolt from the blue! Not only because the deceased was my former best classmate, but also because I suddenly realized: I am afraid of death! Death was so close to me, and all of a sudden, fear permeated my heart. For many days after that, I was thinking, “If I die, where will I go, and who can solve the problem after death?” all of a sudden, Jesus came into my mind again, and it was my first encounter with Him after a long absence. Although it was only a brief experience, from then on, Jesus began His wonderful work in my life.
When my parents again urged me to pray and read the Bible, I no longer responded to them with the same tiredness as I once did, “Enough!” and I said to them, “I will pray.” And I prayed. Although that time, it was not so much a prayer as a reproach and a question against God! But I felt that God was listening! I felt that God was by my side!
Within a few days, my father forced me to quit my job. He said he was going to ask me to do something more important.
3. Experience the Lord’s grace – life renewal
It was only after I followed my father to a dilapidated village that he told me that I needed to study theology here for a few days. In desperation, I could only comfort myself, I should be at peace when I came! What I didn’t expect was that I made a best bosom friend here, Jesus.
In those few days of study, my myths about faith began to be dismantled, the value of life began to be repositioned, and my understanding of Jesus began to deepen. In just half a month, my life seems to have undergone an earth-shaking change. My once hard knees finally bent and I knelt before the Lord and confessed my sins and repented! I truly felt a sense of relief and joy at the forgiveness of my sins, the Holy Spirit came into my life, and I knew I was saved!
The Lord Jesus said, “The Son of Man has come to seek and save that which is lost.” (Luke 19:10) I am convinced that anyone who humbly confesses their sins and seeks Him will, like me, experience a “grace turn” from darkness to light, from pain to joy, and from bondage to be delivered!
4. The call of grace – total devotion
After being born again, although I did not experience Paul’s great light and did not see the vision of Moses, I truly felt God’s graceful call to my life to make my mission clear – to serve Him!
Although I have been receiving a lot of theological equipment over the years, and church leaders and my wife have constantly urged me to serve full-time, because of the endless “ambition” in my heart, my desire is still to try my best to be a good Christian, to participate in the church as much as possible, and to work and earn money is my primary goal in life. However, in the process of “serving God and mammon”, I felt the difficulty of “not having both fish and bear’s paws”.
In my work, whenever I work hard, I feel the constant depression and pain of my spiritual life, in the ministry, whenever I see the lack of shepherding workers in the church, the urgent need of young people and college students, like flock without a shepherd, my heart is full of anxiety, and in prayer, I keep hearing the reproach of the Holy Spirit with sighs and the gentle call of the Father—my son, my heart is mine. More than once, I burst into tears with excitement and shame.
After a long struggle, I finally relied on the Lord to overcome my “fear” of full-time ministry and responded to God’s call in the depths of my soul that I was willing to give my whole life to the Lord and dedicate my life to the Lord.
In the nearly 10 years of full-time ministry, although it was tiring, it was full of joy! I still can’t forget (and sometimes still experience) the struggle to withdraw from the pressure of ministry, the pain of mixed interpersonal complexities, and the helplessness of financial constraints in the face of various needs.
But thank God for allowing me to experience these “sufferings” in my ministry life, and it is because of this that I have experienced more deeply what “wonderful grace” is! It is a painful and joyful process, and it is a leap of faith that can lead one to “hear about him and see him with my own eyes”!
Pray that the Lord will continue to guide and strengthen me – that I can “serve Him with confidence and righteousness in holiness and righteousness.” (Luke 1:75).
