恩典见证 20.叶…
音频 4 分钟
当我从图书馆流着泪开车回家时，撞上了一辆停在路边的车．那时，我很清楚听到一句话：＂你能控制一切事情吗？＂这句话有如当头棒喝，敲醒了我．我曾以为这世界上，没有我办不到的事，但是现在我儿子患了病，我竟连病名都不知道．那我算什么？圣经上说：＂人算什么？神啊！您竟顾念他？＂当我以前看到这句话时，心想，我有两个博士学位，怎么还说人算什么？但是如今，事实摆在眼前，我在神面前算什么？那时，在中学读过的圣经章节，和这几年来求证神的经过，都一一浮现在心里．我问自己：＂如果耶稣基督是真神，为什么我还不跪在他面前，将我的一生交在他手里？＂
我又问自己，谁能来帮我？我知道钱不能解决问题，心理学家也帮不了我，他们会发现问题，但他们不能解决这样的问题．最后神解决了我的问题．他说：＂凡劳苦担重担的人到我这里来，我必使你们得安息．＂那晚，我在神面前认罪．当我凭信心接受了耶稣基督以后，我的生命再次与神连结，他就带领我走过这一段十分难走的路．我知道靠着自己没有办法养大这个儿子．那晚，神破碎了我的自我．
在我知道儿子所患的病名时，就带他到处去找医生看病，但是没有医生肯收他．他们叫我不要浪费钱，因为这病是没得医的．那时我开始学习做一个主的门徒，凡事祷告，希望能替儿子找到肯医他的医生．我先生那时还未信主，他说：＂那是你的神，我又没信他，怎么跟你一起祷告？＂我说：＂难道你不希望我们的儿子好起来？你只要以他为神，他一定会听祷告．＂因此，我们两人就天天为此事祷告．三个月以后，找到了一个基督徒心理医生，愿意祷告三天，看看神有什么指示．三天以后，那个心理医生打电话来，决定诊治我的儿子．因他发现我的儿子智商超过一百四十五，个性非常好胜，并且还未满六岁，性情尚未定型，所以决定收他．
接着他向我提出三个条件：
１．一星期带他来两次，一次美金一百四十五元，这个?病可能要拖上二十年而毫无进展，那时你不能说是我骗了你的钱．
２．你现在马上要辞职不做医生．因为你儿子三分钟就做完人家一天的功课，做完就去搞别人．在这种情况下，没有学校肯收他，所以你要在家里找老师教他．
３．替儿子做讲话治疗，因他一直不肯开口．医生说你每晚只要教你儿子说＂妈妈＂就好了．为这些条件，我请医生给我一个晚上的时间祷告．
那时我心里并不真的想祷告，我那时想和神吵架．我想问他，我可不可以两样都要？又要我的儿子，也要我的事业？我心乱如麻，无从祷告起，也不知道自己在讲什么，所以我就去看圣经．一翻开是创世纪，看到了神造了亚当和夏娃之后的一段：神就赐福给他们，又对他们说：＂要生养众多，遍满地面，治理这地＂我的眼就盯在这十二个字上，不能再看下去了．我向神说：＂现在哪里还有人要生养众多啊？＂
当我再次祷告时，我的心中有个很深的感动，原来这就是神所设的优先秩序．神让我知道，因为我的生命是从他来的，所以不管什么时候，他都应该在我的生命中占第一位，第二位是家庭，第三才是自己的事业．经过了整晚的挣扎，我终于顺服下来，第二天就辞掉了工作．但是儿子的医疗，学习样样需要钱，因而我申请了一个研究工作，可以在儿子入睡以后做，如此我养成了一天只睡四小时的习惯．
开始做以后并不是很容易的事．每次带儿子去看心理医生，感觉上好像是为了送钱去似的，因为儿子日日如是．我又是性急之人，神藉此事让我培养耐性，每日晚饭后，我要抓住儿子的下巴，使他眼睛能看着我的嘴型，然后教他叫＂妈＂．我常常想要半途而废，但是神藉着圣经的话来鼓励我：人会失信，但神绝不会失信．就这样过了四年，有一天我带他去看心理医生时，突然那个医生发狂似的走出来，说：他说＂ＮＯ＂了．那天带儿子回去的途中，我向神说：＂神啊！说ＮＯ要用到九条神经肌肉的，这么难的字，你都让他说了，请你今晚也让他叫我一声妈．＂
那天整晚我都很紧张，但是到了十点半，他的眼泪掉下来时，我硬着心不肯停，我求神给我能力，并成就他的应许，过了十点五十几分，他用尽了吃奶的力量，突然叫了一声：＂妈＂，每次说到这个见证，我仍然无法不流泪，因为我等这一声妈等了十年．
今天，我的儿子已经念完了大三，已经信主，会自己读经，还会写电脑软件．这不是人的作为．那十三个医学家没有医到他，但他们看到我痊愈的儿子，便全部相信了主．除了神，没有人能医治我的儿子．那晚，当他开口叫＂爸爸＂时，我先生那种喜乐真是难以形容．他平时非常刚硬，不肯信主，但是那晚他相信并接受了主．在他受洗时，他做了一个见证：＂原来这个神不只存在于牧师的讲章里，也不只活在圣经里，这个神就住在我们一家三口当中，我每天在经历他的信实，我怎能不相信他？＂神拯救了我们全家，他给我们的恩典实在是数说不尽．亲爱的朋友们，但愿你也认识这位真神，接受他做你的救主．
Testimony…
Listen for 4 min
Born in Hong Kong in 1951 in Cixi, Zhejiang, I am a fourth-generation evangelist in my family who spent the first 14 years of my life on a godly seminary campus. My parents, who were teachers in seminary and middle school, bent their knees together in prayer every day. The school rules are very strict, no smoking, drinking, dancing, playing mahjong, playing cards, or watching movies. However, life is quite westernized, because the school’s headquarters are in the United States.
Another point is that Hong Kong is a Cantonese-speaking city, but most of the aunts and mothers-in-law in the school speak Mandarin. So I had to understand Mandarin since I was a child. My parents are English teachers. His father didn’t talk much, he was well-dressed, and his students called him the king of hygiene. Chopsticks must be used at home, and the ice cream outside is only allowed to eat from the dairy company and Anyuan, and nothing else is clean. The family is not wealthy, but they must have a monthly budget to buy special fruits, and in any case, they also teach piano to our children.
When we were nine years old, our Sunday school teacher, my father’s student, taught us John 3 and told us to go home and receive Jesus Christ as our personal Savior. And when he came home, he did the same. Very simple, with no dramatic change. It was mid-October 1960. But I started reading the Bible and participating in youth fellowships on campus. Listening to the devotional ministry every week, I often watched her cry, and I knew that my relationship with God was a struggle.
At the age of fourteen, in August 1965, he attended two summer parties. Tearful confession and repentance in the first camp. In the second meeting, now known as the Hong Kong English Soul Training Association, he gave himself into the hands of the Lord, and the next morning after the meeting, he offered himself to the Lord and served the Lord full-time. At that time, I didn’t know anything about ministry, I just wanted to be a missionary in Africa, and I didn’t know anything else.
Fourteen years passed in peace. God showed me the godliness of the elders around me and cultivated a simple faith. The primary school is in the neighboring Pui Dao Primary School, which is a Chinese school, but the English teacher is very good. The middle school is an English school, but the Chinese teacher is very good. Xi piano at the same time. I can say that I never wanted to get ahead in society and do something. Loving God and serving God is the way to go in life, and I don’t know what else to do.
Three weeks after the dedication, my family arrived in the United States. My father was already studying theology at Wheaton, and I completed the 10th and 11th-year classes in that Chicago suburb, which was equal to the first and second years of high school. In the past two years, I have enjoyed the love of American believers and learned to live in American society. Every Saturday morning, go to the laundry to do your laundry. Although he has been learning piano since he was a child, in those two years, he received the most important piano lessons of his life in that town. That black teacher gave me some principles that I still use and use in other subjects as well!
In 1967, my father accepted the invitation of the Chinese Church in Philadelphia to pastor. It was a church supported by six major denominations. I completed my final year of high school in Philadelphia, a public high school with boys, mostly Jews. There were not many church members, and I began to reach out to the second generation of Peranakan teenagers. Every Saturday I would help my father type and make a Sunday weekly. During my three years of middle school in the United States, I worked part-time work, sometimes as a delivery boy, sometimes as a supermarket helper, and sometimes as a child tutor at a Salvation Army camp. My horizons in life began to expand. It is not clear how the giving will be fulfilled, but there is a great distance between the church and society.
He began college in 1968 and attended the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. It was the age of the hippies, and young people protested against everything with adults, full of ideals, against the Vietnam War, against the military industry and the government. The campus was like a revolution all day long. There was also a hippie among the teachers. At that time, there were Chinese students from Westminster Theological Seminary in the Philadelphia Bible study class, who taught us inductive Bible study, and at the same time gave us some theological and apologetic knowledge. They later founded the Chinese Theological Research Institute in Hong Kong.
At that time, I realized that formal theological training was necessary to serve God and that the humanities were the best preparation. Therefore, when I major in history, I am studying the history of Western philosophy. Graduated in 1971. During my college years, I read Dr. Zhang Lisheng’s “Critique of Humanism” and Xue Hua’s “Rational Avoidance”, which laid a very important foundation for apologetics. Apologetics and theology have taught me that the simple faith I experienced as a child can stand the test of reason! But the most important thing is to prepare for the discipline of Bible study. Since 1968, he has participated in the summer meetings of the Messenger of Christ Society and has participated in various aspects of ministry.
In the summer of 1971, Pastor Wang Yongxin sent me to the Philippines for a short mission. At that time, the term short-term mission had not yet been invented! There for fifty-nine days, the first evangelistic meeting in my life, the first outdoor sermon. For the first time, he led a Bible study in a stock market. Make unforgettable memories. In the fall of 1971, he entered Westminster Theological Seminary. The Reformed theology he received was a lifelong backup, but he didn’t know how to preach in the Chinese church at that time.
The deepest influence of Westminster theology on me is that since Christians are sinners who have found grace, they should always repent. Also, the church on earth is valued by God. God is Lord in every aspect of our lives. The Bible is our supreme standard. Van Terre’s apologetic theology is something I will never forget. In 1970 and 1973, he participated in the Student Mission Conference of the American Campus Fellowship, which was held at the University of Illinois. Hearing Pastor Stothe’s first-class expositional sermons broadened my ministry horizons. As for the path of ministry, it is still unclear.
Married in 1972, children were born in 1974 and 1978. In 1975-76, I studied for a master’s degree in theology, mainly to give myself a chance to test whether or not to study for a doctorate. In 1975-76, I went to a Chinese church next to Yale University, but Brother Zhang Bangheng of the Seminary Student Scholarship Committee advised me that if I could, I should study for the kingdom of God. As a result, I listened to his persuasion and studied Chinese history and church history at Temple University for four years from 1976 to 1980.
He spent his weekends in the church, spending the first two years as a youth at an elders’ church in New York’s Chinatown, and the third year as pastor at a newly established Chinese church in Princeton. At this stage, God allowed me to practice preaching and learn some lessons—youth preaching should be Xi obedience! I didn’t learn it well at the time. In those years, it was very hard, and I took my children long distances every weekend, either to New York or to Princeton. There are still several years of part-time work to support the family. My love for the church began to develop.
In 1979, when I was about to graduate, considering the Chinese church, the organization had a lot of needs and many invitations. However, he felt the need for ministry training, so he applied to join the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA), a denomination with a strong emphasis on missions and church planting. They sent me to New York to plant a church. I learned a lot from my debriefing in the church in the southern United States. The American church knows how to accept newcomers from outside.
In the past six years, 1980-85, I began to learn Xi about broken lives, and began to find that seminary was not practical enough. Knowing that he couldn’t preach personally, he went to learn the Blessing Preaching Method. After a few years, there were more than 60 people in the church. 1986-89 I served at the headquarters of the Presbyterian Church, mainly looking for church-planting ministers among the Chinese. God didn’t give us new co-workers, so I left my job in 1989, and in the days after June Fourth, I founded China Outlook with three brothers, Chen Jimin, Liu Shaoping, and Mak Yupei.
The original goal of China Vision was to participate in the evangelistic work of Chinese scholars in North America. 1989-92 We explored the needs of Chinese mainland student workers in North America and visited various places for evangelistic work. In 1992-95, we supported two mainland scholars to pursue seminary studies. Today they are all well-known preachers. I was at the Chicago Chinatown Pastoral Society. It’s been a challenging time. Mainland scholars have ideals and strong thinking abilities, and they should learn theology in a short period. After mainland scholars come to Christ, they do not necessarily melt into the inherent Chinese church.
The Chinese church has had a tradition for many years, and newcomers, whether they are preachers or scholars, have to learn Xi adapt. I went on a journey with a few seminarians and preachers. In the crowd, under a thousand pairs of eyes, I struggled with the inferiority complex, the helplessness in myself. A deep sense of insecurity. Later, the Lord helped me to overcome, and I had no special experience, except that Jesus loved me, and I knew that it was enough because the Bible told me. From 1994-97, I was in charge of the China Ministry at the Billy Graham Center at Wheaton University, and I also taught several courses in several seminaries, such as Asian History, Chinese Christian History, Gospel, and Chinese Intellectuals. Chicago is an opportunity to gain insight into the ways of American evangelical senior leaders. I saw that foreigners love Chinese very much, but not all of them are wise. During those years, my ministry focus shifted from pastoral to apologetics for the Chinese church. In February 1993, I wrote this burden before God.
In the summer of 1997, Uchiko accepted an invitation from a Christian bank in California, and we moved to Rosewood. Life has taken another big turn. Located on the Pacific Coast, Southern California is a young society with easy contact with Asia. There are many Chinese churches, such as the headquarters of overseas Chinese Christianity. On the church side, we joined the ministry of Holy Congregation in the West District, a simple, united church that has been preaching the gospel to college students for more than 20 years. At this stage, China Outlook revised our work objectives to concentrate on theology and apologetics, to maintain the biblical faith foundation of the Chinese church by publishing books and conducting short-term theological lectures.
God opened the door to Southeast Asia, and I often traveled to Singapore, Malaysia, etc. to attend classes. The Lord also allowed me to engage in theological education among Chinese scholars. Seeing the next generation of leaders rise, they feel a great responsibility, and they expect a lot from our generation.
At this stage, I deeply feel that life is short, what can I do for the Lord in my lifetime? What kind of legacy of faith can I leave to the next generation? Can the godliness I experienced as a child be passed on? The humanistic philosophy I learned in college is now influencing the Chinese theological community, and how should I respond? May the Lord be gracious and let me be faithful to the end.
恩典见证19.五十…
音频 4 分钟
我于1951年在香港出生，浙江慈溪人，感谢主，是家里第四代的传道人， 在一所敬虔的神学院校园里渡过了人生的头十四年。父母亲是神学院与中学的教师，每天一起屈膝祷告。学校规矩很严格，不许抽烟，喝酒，跳舞，打麻将，玩扑克牌，看电影。不过生活蛮西化，因为学校的总部在美国罗省。还有一点，香港是一个讲广东话的城市，不过学校里的阿姨，婆婆等大部分都讲普通话。所以从小得懂普通话。父母亲是英语老师。父亲话不多，衣穿端正，学生称他卫生大王。家里必备公筷，外面的冰淇淋只许吃牛奶公司和安乐园的，别的都不乾净。家中经济不富裕，但每月必定有特别买水果的预算；无论如何也给我们小孩子学钢琴。
九岁那年，主日学老师，也就是父亲的学生，教我们约翰福音三章，让我们回家接受耶稣基督作个人救主。回家时，就照样作了。非常单纯，没有戏剧化的改变。时为1960年十月中。不过开始读圣经，也参加校园里的青年团契。每周听灵修部分享，常看着她哭，知道与神的关系是要挣扎的。
十四岁那年，1965年八月，参加了两个夏令会。在第一个营会中流泪认罪悔改。在第二个聚会，今称香港英语培灵会，把自己交在主的手中，聚会完了第二天早上，把自己献给主用，全时间服事主。当时对事奉没有任何认识，只想向去非洲做宣教士，此外什麽都不懂。
这样平平安安地，就过了十四年。神给我看见周围长辈的敬虔，培养了一个单纯的信心。小学在邻近的培道小学，是中文学校，不过英语老师很好。中学是英语学校，不过中文老师很好。同时学习钢琴。我可以说，我从来没有想过要在社会上出人头地，作一番事。爱神，服事神，是人生当然该走的路；我并不知道另外还有什麽路。
奉献传道三个星期後，我们一家到了美国。父亲已经在惠敦读神学，我在那个芝加哥的近郊完成了第十，十一年班，等于高一，高二。两年中享受了美国信徒的爱心，也学会在美国社会里生活。每周六早上，去洗衣店洗衣服。虽然从小就学钢琴，不过在那两年，在那小镇里接受了一生最重要的钢琴功课。那位黑人老师给我一些原则，现在还在用，而且也用在别的学科上！
1967年，父亲接受费城华人教会邀请，前往牧会。那是一间六个主流宗派合作支持的教会。在费城我完成了最後一年的中学，那是一所公立中学，学生都是男生，大部份是犹太人。教会人不多，我开始接触到第二代土生华裔青少年。每星期六必帮父亲打字，制作主日周刊。在美国三年的中学时期，都有做部分时间的工作，有时是送货，有时在超市帮忙，有时在救世军的营地做儿童辅导。我的人生视野开始扩大。对奉献如何兑现，甚不清楚；只感觉教会与社会的距离很大。
1968年开始读大学，进了费城的宾州大学。那是嬉皮士的时代，年青人什麽事都与成年人抗议，满脑子理想，反对越战，反对军事工业与政府联手打仗。校园整天好像在革命一样。老师中也有一位嬉皮士。当时在费城查经班里有西敏寺神学院的华人学生，教导我们归纳式查经，也同时给了我们一些神学和护教的知识。他们日後创办了香港的中国神学研究院。当时我意识到，要服事神，必须接受正规的神学训练，而人文科学是最好的准备。因此我主修历史，其实是修西方哲学历史。1971年毕业。大学期期，读了章力生博士的《人文主义批判》，和薛华的《理性的规避》，这两本书打了很重要的护教基础。护教与神学给我知道，小时候经历的单纯信心，是经得起理性的考验的！不过，最重要的是预备查经的操练。自从1968年开始参加基督使者协会的夏令会，并参加各方面的事奉。
1971年的夏天，王永信牧师派我到菲律滨短宣。当时短宣这个名词还没有发明呢！在那里五十九天，一生中第一次讲布道会，第一次户外布道。第一次在股票行带领查经。留下难忘的回忆。1971秋，进西敏寺神学院。所领受的改革宗神学，终身备用，不过当时不太懂得如何在华人教会中宣讲。西敏寺神学给我最深的影响是：既然基督徒是蒙恩的罪人，就应该常常悔改。还有，地上的教会是神所重视的。神是我们人生每一层面的主。圣经是我们最高的准则。范泰尔的护教神学，是我一生不忘的。1970，1973年都参加了美国校园团契的学生宣教大会，在伊利诺大学举行。听到史托特牧师一流的解经讲道，也更扩大事奉的视野。至于事奉道路，仍不清楚。
1972年结婚，孩子在1974，1978年出生。1975-76年读神学硕士，主要是给自己一个机会，考验是否读博士的材料。1975-76差不多去了耶鲁大学旁边一间华人教会牧会，不过神学生奖学金委员会的张邦衡弟兄劝我，有能力就应该为了神的国度读博士班。结果我听了他的劝导，1976-1980四年，在天普大学读中国历史与教会历史。周末在教会事奉，头两年在纽约唐人街一间长老会做青年工作，第三年在普林斯顿一间刚成立的华人教会牧会。在这阶段，神给我操练讲道的机会，也学到一些功课–青年传道应学习顺服！当时我没有好好学会。那几年内子特别辛苦，每周末长途带着孩子，不是去纽约，就是去普林斯顿。还有好几年打工维持家计。我对教会的热爱开始培养出来。
1979年，快要毕业时，考虑到华人教会，机构都有很多的需要，很多的邀请。可是自己觉得需要有事奉训练的机会，于是申请加入美国长老会(PCA)，这是一个非常注重宣教，植堂的宗派。他们派我到纽约植堂。在美国南部教会述职，学到很多功课。美国人教会特别懂得如何接纳外面来的新人。
这六年，1980-85，我开始学习了解破碎的生命，开始发现神学院学的不够在实际派用场。知道自己不会个人布道，所以去学了叁福布道法。经果经过了几年，教会有六十多人。1986-89我在长老会的总部服事，主要在华人中找植堂的传道人。神没有给我们新同工，1989年我离职，在六四之後那段日子，与陈济民，刘少平，与麦裕沛三位弟兄成立了中华展望。
中华展望原来的目标，是参与北美中国学者的福音事工。1989-92我们探索北美的中国大陆学人事工的需要，同时拜访各地的福音工作。1992-95，我们支持了两家大陆学者进神学院深造。今天他们都是知名度很高的传道人。当时我在芝加哥唐人街牧会。这是一段充满着挑战的时期。大陆学者有理想，思考能力强，要在短期内学到神学。大陆学者信主之後，不一定熔入固有的华人教会。华人教会有多年的传统，新来的无论是传道人或学者，都得学习适应。我跟几位神学生，传道人，走过了一段开荒的路。在人群中，在一千对眼睛下，我为自己里面的自卑感，无助感挣扎。深深觉得缺乏安全感。後来主帮助我胜过了，没有特殊经历，只知道耶稣爱我，我知道，因有圣经告诉我，就够了。
1994-97我在惠敦大学，葛培理中心负责中国事工部，同时在几间神学院兼任几门课，如亚洲历史，中国基督教历史，福音与中国知识分子等。在芝加哥有机会深入了解美国福音派高层领袖的作事方法。看到外国人很爱中国人，但不都有智慧。在那几年中，我的事奉焦点从牧会转到为华人教会的信仰护教。1993年二月，在神面前写下这个负担。
1997夏，内子接受了加州一家基督教银行的邀请，我们搬到罗省来。生命又起了大转变。南加州位于太平洋海岸，与亚洲接触容易，是一个年轻的社会。华人教会，机构很多，像是海外华人基督教的总部。教会方面，我们加入了西区圣道堂的服事，是一所单纯，同心的教会，二十多年来向大学生传福音。中华展望在这阶段修改了我们的工作目标，专心从事神学，护教工作，为的是维护华人教会的圣经信仰基础–透过出版书籍，从事短期神学讲座。神开了东南亚的门，我经常到新加坡，马来西亚等地上课。主也赐我机会在中国学者中间从事神学教育。看到下一代的领袖兴起，觉得责任重大，他们对我们一代的期望也很大。
在现今阶段，深深感到人生的短暂，有生之年能为主作什麽呢？给下一代留下怎样的信仰遗产呢？小时候经历的敬虔，能否传下去？大学时期学到的人文哲学，现在正在影响华人神学界；如何回应？愿主开恩，让我忠心到底。
恩典见证 18.打…
为了不伤害到他，我又要用双脚去夹住他的脚。有时他拚命反抗，令我的脚撞在桌脚上，有时他甚至用头来撞我的头，痛得我眼泪直流。
我所讲的，是我自己的真实故事。如果你也是一位痛苦的母亲或父亲，但愿我的故事能带给你安慰，为你的生命打开一扇窗。
数不尽的苦难
我出生于香港。八岁那年父亲因生意失败，终日忧郁，次年便因病匆匆去世。我中学四年级那年，挚爱的母亲又撒手离去。在悲痛之下，我开始埋怨上帝对我如此不公平。所以从母亲去世的那年开始，我停止参与教会的任何活动。
自父母相继去世后，我靠自己的挣扎求生存。我的信念是“做人要靠自己”，我一面工作，一面学习，完成了中学和护校的课程。在护校毕业后，我很顺利地得到一份稳定的工作。那是我最得意的一段时间，因为无论事业还是学业，都在我自己的掌握之中。就在这样的顺境中，我也曾决志皈依基督教，但说实话，我并没有真正的信心。
我在工作后不久就结婚，婚后有了二个孩子—-长女博雯和幼子泽林。泽林于1985年出生，他一出生我就发现他患有唇裂和颚裂，且哭声也和一般的孩子不同，很低沉。我当护士时不是没有见过这样的孩子，但是我心里就是不能接受，我的孩子竟会是其中之一！
那时每天为了照顾泽林，我筋疲力尽，每次单单喂奶就要花一个半小时。有些人来访时，还会问我怀孕的时候是否做了一些不吉利的事情，譬如在床上用剪刀等……，我不知道怎么回答，眼泪只好往肚里咽。
在泽林三个月的时候，医生为他做了补唇的手术。手术后，为了怕他碰到伤口，把他的小手绑在床上。于是他拚命地哭，拚命地挣扎，血从他的伤口流出来，都流在我的心坎上。每天只能以泪洗面，内心的痛苦不知向谁诉说。
一年后泽林又做了补颚手术，在他手术后，我觉得他的样子很好看，于是我们一家人又回教会聚会。谁料一波未平，一波又起。因他的过度活跃以及一些出格的怪异行为，经专家检查后，怀疑患有轻微的自闭症。那时我们每周仍带着孩子去参加主日崇拜，但后来因受不了别人对他的评论，而离开了教会。当时我心里真的怀疑到底有没有神，如果这个世界有神的话，为什么他会如此对待我。
从不开口的孩子
1992年7月，我们一家人移民西澳洲珀斯市。泽林随即入读当地的特殊学校。由于环境的改变，泽林的行为变得非常暴躁。他经常把头撞于墙上，或用拳头打玻璃。在公众场所他表现更甚，经常无故尖叫，或用脚乱踢，行为难以控制。半年以后，他终于被诊断为“有智力障碍、无语言能力”的自闭症孩子（注一）。这个诊断结果使我们当时的处境雪上加霜，因为它引发了一场历时十八个月的“合格移民”诉讼。
面对着移民局的起诉，我的“太空人”（注二）丈夫必须马上回澳洲。我们不能工作，也不能出境，十八个月的时间每天往来于移民局、律师楼、学校和议员的办公室之间寻求协助，心里的压力非常沉重。上庭的前一晚，我们紧张的情绪达到顶点，以致不能入睡。当晚我丈夫兆祺提议他和我一起祈祷，求神保守，但我拒绝了。我对他说：“我不求！我已经离开教会八年了。假如真有神的话，他也不会理我们的。”我坚持要靠自己的力量求生存。
1995年1月，我们终于赢了这场官司，却耗尽了所有的积蓄和精力。
1995年初，我丈夫回香港工作，我再次独力持家。2月份时，泽林的成绩表上又出现这样的评语：“根本没有学习文字的能力。”我见到这样的评语已是第三次了。前二次因正面对移民的起诉，所以没有把注意力全放在这上面，但当这一评语一再出现时，我不得不正视这个问题。我心想，老师既然一再说我的儿子没有学习文字的能力，也就是说他们不打算教他了。
但我不甘心。泽林已将近十岁了，仍不会说话，连笔都不会拿，我不可以再让他的时间白白浪费掉了。所以我决定请心理学家介绍一位教导自闭症孩子的专家，为泽林设计学习课程。谁知那位专家来了三次，仍未能提供实质课程，他的理由是太忙了。
无休止的搏斗
因此，我不得不亲自教导泽林。从1995年3月1日起，我开始搜集各种图片，贴在硬卡纸上，用来制造图卡、字卡等。我每天几乎花十多个小时预备教材和阅读参考书，但最使我心力俱疲的，是我必须与泽林单对单地搏斗。因为他的注意力很不集中，起初要求他坐下来十至十五分钟都非常困难。为了引起他学习的兴趣，我经常转换抬上的教学工具，如颜色、组合及拼图等，以吸引他的注意力。
当他听话时，我也不断地鼓励他，称赞他是好孩子。可是有时他仍会发脾气，不停地拍抬子，不肯按我的要求去做。在这种情况下，我就捉住他的手，硬要他去做。可是这一来常令他更反叛，他会猛力用脚去踢桌脚。为了不伤害到他，我又要用双脚去夹住他的脚。有时他拼命反抗，令我的脚撞在桌脚上，有时他甚至用头来撞我的头，痛得我眼泪直流。虽然如此，我仍要捉住他，每逃诩要坚持让他学完预定的功课才肯罢休。
那段时间我也不知有多少次，在与泽林搏斗以后，回到自己的房间抱着枕头痛哭。当时我丈夫因担心我在耗尽了精力和时间后换来的只是失望和泪水，所以屡次劝我为自己的前途打算，去选修一些学位课程。可是，每当他提及此事，我便气愤地对他说：“我是他的母亲，我根本没有选择的余地！”
泽林经过一个多月时间的训练，已可以坐下来半小时到四十五分钟了，他的进步比我预料的要快。经过三个月的学习，他开始会写自己的名字Louis（路易斯）。又花了一个月时间，他学会写他的姓Wong。到10月份，他已能写简单的句子。10月20日他写出了“Daddy I love you！”(爸爸我爱您！)。我见后立即把它传真给我丈夫。他看见那张传真后，激动得泪水不禁夺眶而出，他突然意识到原来他的儿子虽然不会讲话，但也是有感情的。他马上给我打电话，告诉我此刻他觉得比升职和加薪还要兴奋。
十个数字学一年
在教泽林识字的同时，我也开始教他数数和写数目字。他学1～10几乎用了一年的时间，以后的速度就逐步加快，他学11～20只花了一个月时间。至1996年8月，他学习简单的加1或2的加法题。9月14日那天，我偶而给他出了一些需进位的加法题，如9+2，4+8等，他竟能把答案逐一写出来。这以后我不断出一些需进位的加法题给他做，他一般都能写出正确的答案。10月1、2日，我突然出了几道较深的二、三位数的加法题，和需要有乘法概念的推理题，如写出5、10、15、20后的下一个数字等，他也都能准确地写出答案。我给他唯一的鼓励只是轻按他的手背，这已成了他每次能专心下来做习题时的习惯。看到他有这样的进步，我心里有说不出的高兴。
不久，我的一位朋友雷克斯（Rex）从加拿大来探望我们。雷克斯是一位很热心的基督徒。在我家逗留的几天内，他不断地劝我读圣经，我对此很不耐烦，就以自己忙为藉口，拒绝了他的提议。在我们谈话时，我也不断地抱怨上帝对我的不公平，而他一直耐心地聆听我的投诉。几天后他去400公里外的一个小镇，探望他弟弟，但仍不忘记每隔一天就给我打电话，并继续鼓励我读圣经，亲近神。可是我一点也没有听进去。
是我走火入魔吗？
10月24日那天，我突然想起，我从未教过泽林乘法，为何他会有乘的概念？于是那天我又出了一些类似的题目给他做，结果他毫不费力就把答案写出来。接下来的一个星期，是我一生中最具刺激的日子。因为我每天要找更深一些的数学题给他做，令我吃惊的是，从加、减、乘、除的四则运算，分数、小数、开方到十一年级的代数题，他都能在阅逗筢二、三秒钟内准确地写出答案。
见到这样的情景，我真有些不知所措了。当时我丈夫正出差在东澳，他每隔一天会打电话回家。起初他听到泽林在数学上的进步也感到兴奋，但当我告诉他泽林已能做开方和代数题时，他不能接受了。他是个电脑工程师，一向习惯于理性去分析问题，泽林的表现显然有违于他的理性，所以他提出一大串的疑问，并断言一定是我教子心切，已达走火入魔的地步。这使我非常气愤，叫他自己回来看一看。他回家后也感到十分惊奇，他把泽林做作业的过程如实拍摄下来，准备把它带给香港的亲友看。他一面拍，一面喃喃自语：“It’s
a real miracle（真是奇迹）！”
那时正巧泽林学校的校长，为了泽林的转校事宜，邀请了一些自闭症的专家开会。他们中有心理学家、语言学家、儿科医生、特殊学校的老师等。我就将此录影带拿去放给他们看，他们看后，没有一个人能做出解释。我则有些沾沾自喜，觉得自己的孩子虽然不会说话，但可能是个数学天才。
落笔先写一个5
1996年11月21日，Rex给我打电话时，再次劝我读圣经，这一次我终于答应了他。他提议我先读《箴言》。第二天我就在《箴言》22章17节读到：“你须侧耳听受智慧人的言语，留心领会我的知识。”
当时11时多，我的一位老朋友彼得（Peter）从香港打电话给我。彼得是个医生，也是一个头脑冷静，有分析能力的人。他告诉我，看了我丈夫带去的录影带后，他们夫妻俩人整个星期也睡不著，想来想去都想不通。他认为泽林不像是个天才，因为天才只是有特殊智慧和才能的人，他们领受事物和学习的过程比一般人要短而已。可是泽林做出的习题都是他从未学过的，所以彼得认为有可能是神迹。他建议我再出一些三角、几何或代数中的级数等较深的数学题给泽林做。他说：如果你给他“1+2+3+……+1000＝？”这道题，他一落笔先写个5，我立刻向他敬礼。你什么也不用再问，立即带他回教会。我不是基督徒，但我肯定那是神迹。他接着又问我：“你以前好像是基督徒？”我被他一问，好似一下子触到神经，脸立刻红了起来，我吱唔地答道：“我已经差不多十年没有去教会了。”
“是谁教你的？”
我把彼得的想法告诉了我的女儿博雯和养子智聪，他们也觉得彼得的话有理，可以试一下，并帮助我出了一些数学题，其中也包括彼得所提议的那道题。11月24日那天，我把这些题目给了泽林。当他坐下开始演算时，我心里比平时多了一分紧张，我急于想知道结果，所以紧紧地盯着他的手。只见他在看完彼得提议的那道题后，正如彼得所言，一下笔就写了个“5”字。惊慌中我立刻把我女儿叫来。接着，我又用填充题的方式，问泽林是谁教他的，他在我和我女儿面前清清楚楚写下是“God”（上帝）教他的。我心头又是一惊，当场有些毛骨悚然。博雯一见弟弟写的“God”（上帝）后，不禁失声哭了起来，她急忙冲出房后找圣经。
我一直自以为是个自信的人，但在面对这一切时，却变得有些六神无主、手足无措了。二年来，我含辛茹苦总共才教了他简单的加法和约500个单词。我所教过的东西都有记录，我从未教过他三角、几何、代数，为何他不加思索便能作答呢？我也从未教过他关于宗教的单词，可他怎么会拼写God呢？说真的，就是再迟钝的人到这个时候也应该清醒了，因为神已藉着这样的奇迹向我显明。可我的心硬惯了，没办法一下子就向神低头。我先想到的是我丈夫和彼得，我想把泽林做的那些数学题和他写的答案传真给他们，听听他们的意见。于是我要求泽林，把谁教他数学的答案重新写在一张A4大小的纸上。他答应了我的要求，并再次写下是God（上帝）教他的。
接着我与老同学高美云通了电话，因为她常鼓励我去教会。以前每逢她提起教会我便觉得很烦，但这个时候我渴望能得到她的帮助。她在听完我的叙述以后非常兴奋，再次肯定这是个神迹，并决定即刻来我家，与我分享那份喜悦。
再接着我又打电话给雷克斯。怎知这一次，他那惯常欢快的语调变得沉重起来。他告诉我，他和他弟弟刚发生交通事故，若不是主的保守，就没命了。我顿时感到人的脆弱，人连控制自己生命的能力都没有。我没有再和雷克斯讲我儿子的事情，因为我感到不能再靠自己和他人了，我必须直接去面对神，面对那位生命的主宰。
当我决意回转向神时，我想起自己一直以来的背逆和夸大，心头顿觉十分疼痛。我放下电话后，马上召集三个孩子，问他们知不知道家里已发生了一个神迹，他们都说知道。我要求他们与我一齐祷告，他们也同意了。于是那天下午我们全家人第一次一齐向神祷告。当我搂住泽林开口向神祷告时，眼泪像决堤的江水般一下子流了出来。在祷告中我向神认罪，并决心悔改，我也求主耶稣成为我生命的主，带领我们全家前面的路。在祷告以后，我心里慢慢平静下来。
全部信息的指向
过了一会儿，美云来了，她一见我就上前来拥抱我。之后，我们决定用填充题的方式问泽林，“谁最爱泽林？”和“谁是神的儿子？”，泽林即刻写上“神最爱泽林”，而不是“妈妈”，他又写到，“耶稣是神的儿子”。
数天后，我们发现泽林对圣经知识知道得很多。当时我的外甥女正住在我家，她认为可能神已经将很多知识给了泽林，她提议可以从各个方面给他测一下。在随后的一个月内，我们在好奇心的驱使下，不断地向他提问，许多问题是多位朋友在参考百科全书后找出来的。结果发现无论是自然科学还是社会科学方面的问题，他都能回答，而且连他从未学过的中文、日文、法文都能看懂。我和家里的人都感到，靠我们有限的知识已无法找出他的极限。
1997年3月2日，泽林在圣灵的引导下，将大段的福音信息写出来。他写到：“主耶稣是神的儿子，他爱我们，为我们的罪死，他是神为世人所预备的救主。我们要让耶稣来掌管我们的生命。”那时，我正带着泽林和他的习作回香港探亲。我把这一神迹告诉我的亲友，但他们中却仍有不信的。有人还认为无论是佛教还是基督教，各种宗教都是劝人为善，最后都会殊途同归。对于这一点我最不能同意，因为神藉着泽林带给我的全部信息，都清楚地指向主耶稣，所以我坚持向他们解释，主耶稣乃是我们唯一的救主。1997年3月3日那天，我代表众人问了泽林最后一个问题：“佛教是什么？”泽林回答道：“佛教是一种哲学。”哲学这个名词我从未教过他，而他竟能如此简练地把佛教的本质表达出来。
自此以后，我觉得神已清楚地向我显明他的心意，我再也不敢以任何形式去考问泽林了。
咒诅变成了祝福
因为童年时的不幸和泽林的病，我离开过神，我企图靠自己的力量去挣扎奋斗。我把自己封闭在一个孤立无援的状态下，又痛苦，又无人可以倾诉。从生理上看，我是个健康的人，但从精神上看，我却像个自闭症患者。因为我一直看不到主的大能，也听不见他慈爱的呼唤声。我像一只离群乱闯的羊，迷了路，又受了伤，被困在荆棘之中无法自救。但是，我的主没有离弃我，是他主动地把我寻回，并亲自为我包扎伤口，让我再次经历到他的爱。
过去我常常埋怨命运的安排，觉得自己的一生充满了咒诅，好像什么不幸的事都会落在我头上。但是今天，我感受到一切咒诅都已变成了祝福。我如果没有童年时艰苦生活的磨练，就没有那份毅力去教泽林；没有泽林，我可能永远不会回到主的身边，享受到他的爱。
我的整个人发生了巨大的改变。正如泽林所写的那样，他是神的工具，但他仍是个自闭症的孩子，我每天还是要面对他，我在生活上的难处并没有减少。但因为我深知每一天都有主的同在和弟兄姊妹的支持，所以我已不再感到孤单。不论发生什么事情，我心里都有平安，这种来自心底的平安是任何事都无法夺去的。
几年来，我应邀在澳洲、香港和加拿大等地的布道会上，讲述自己的经历，先后带领一百多人决志信主。我一家人的故事，也被香港福音传播中心拍摄成录像带，得到更广泛的流传。我也去帮助一些有相同遭遇的家庭，让他们再次有希望，有笑容，找到人生的意义。为此，我也多次应邀去香港和加拿大等地，为患有自闭症孩子的家长，举办自闭症儿童家居学习课程讲座，并且还进行个别辅导。2000年3月，香港突破出版社将我写的自闭症儿童家居学习课程一书出版发行，并将书名定为《冲破障碍》，以使更多的家庭能得到帮助。
我以前常常哭泣，常常埋怨，因为内心有说不出来的忧虑和痛苦。今天我有时还会哭，却是因为我被主的爱所感动。亲爱的读者朋友，我真的盼望你也能像我一样亲身经历到主的爱。正如珀斯宣道会的欧阳牧师，在我写的《非凡的见证》一书的序言中所写：“故事不一定要加上教训，也未必能照方执药，但愿这个真实的故事，给你的生命打开一个窗，让清新的空气吹进来，愿他也在你的心中再创神迹！”我想，这就是我的盼望，也是我对您的衷心的祝愿。
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In order not to hurt him, I had to clamp his feet with my feet. Sometimes he resisted so hard that my foot hit the leg of the table, and sometimes he even hit my head on the head, and it hurt me so much that I burst into tears.
What I’m telling is my own true story. If you are also a mother or father in pain, may my story bring you comfort and open a window into your life. Countless sufferingsI was born in Hong Kong. When he was eight years old, his father was depressed due to business failure and died of illness the following year. When I was in my fourth year of high school, my beloved mother passed away. In my grief, I began to complain that God had been so unfair to me. So from the year my mother died, I stopped participating in any activities of the church.
Since the death of my parents, I have struggled to survive on my own. I believe that “being a human being is on your own”, and I worked and Xi at the same time, completing my secondary school and nursing school courses. After graduating from nursing school, I was able to get a stable job. That was the time when I was most proud of myself because both my career and my studies were under my control. In such good times, I also decided to convert to Christianity but to be honest, I had no real faith.
I got married shortly after I started working and had two children– eldest daughter, Bowen, and youngest son, Zelin. Zelin was born in 1985, and as soon as he was born, I noticed that he had a cleft lip and a cleft palate, and his crying voice was very low, unlike that of ordinary children. It’s not like I’ve never seen such a child when I was a nurse, but I just can’t accept that my child will be one of them!
At that time, I was exhausted from taking care of Zelin every day, and it took me an hour and a half to feed alone. When some people visit, they ask me if I did something unlucky when I was pregnant, such as using scissors in bed. I didn’t know how to answer, so I had to swallow my tears.
When he was three months old, the doctor performed surgery on his lip filling. After the operation, for fear that he would touch the wound, his little hands were tied to the bed. So he cried and struggled with all his might, and the blood flowed out of his wounds and on my heart. I can only wash my face with tears every day, and I don’t know who to tell about the pain in my heart.
A year later, Zelin had another jaw filler, and after his surgery, I thought he looked good, so the family went back to church. Who expected that a wave would not settle, and a wave would rise again? Due to his hyperactivity and some out-of-the-ordinary bizarre behavior, after being examined by experts, he is suspected of having slight autism. At that time, we still took our children to Sunday worship every week, but then we left the church because we couldn’t stand the comments about him. At that time, I wondered if there was a God, and if there was a God in this world, why would He treat me like this? Children who never speakIn July 1992, my family immigrated to Perth, Western Australia. Zelin then enrolled in a local special school. Due to the change in environment, Zelin’s behavior has become very irritable. He often banged his head against the wall or punched the glass with his fist. He behaved even worse in public places, often screaming for no reason, or kicking indiscriminately, and his behavior was difficult to control. Half a year later, he was finally diagnosed as an autistic child with an “intellectual disability and no ability to speak” (Note 1). This diagnosis made our situation even worse because it led to an eighteen-month “qualified immigration” lawsuit.
Facing prosecution by the immigration authorities, my “astronaut” (Note 2) husband had to return to Australia immediately. We couldn’t work, we couldn’t leave the country, and for 18 months we went back and forth between the immigration office, the lawyer’s office, the school, and the councilor’s office every day for assistance, and the pressure was very heavy. The night before the court, our nervousness was at its peak and we couldn’t sleep. That night, my husband Zhaoqi suggested that he pray with me and ask God to keep him, but I refused. I said to him, “I don’t ask! I’ve been out of church for eight years.” If there was God, He would not pay attention to us. “I insisted on surviving on my own.
In January 1995, we finally won the case, but we used up all our savings and energy.
At the beginning of 1995, my husband returned to Hong Kong to work, and I was once again on my own. In February, Zelin made another comment on his report card: “I can’t learn Xi words at all.” This is the third time I’ve seen such comments. The first two times I didn’t focus on this because I was facing immigration lawsuits, but when this comment came up again and again, I had to face up to the problem. I thought to myself since the teacher has repeatedly said that my son is not capable of learning Xi words, it means that they are not going to teach him.
But I’m not reconciled. Zelin was nearly ten years old, and he still couldn’t speak, he couldn’t even hold a pen, and I couldn’t let his time go to waste. So I decided to ask a psychologist to introduce an expert who teaches autistic children to design a learning Xi curriculum for Zelin. The expert came three times and still couldn’t provide a substantive lesson, and his reason was that he was too busy. Endless fightingTherefore, I had to teach Zelin personally. Since March 1, 1995, I have been collecting all kinds of pictures and pasting them on cardboard to make picture cards, word cards, etc. I spend almost a dozen hours a day preparing textbooks and reading reference books, but the most exhausting thing is that I have to fight Zelin one-on-one. Because of his poor concentration, it was very difficult at first to ask him to sit down for ten to fifteen minutes. In order to arouse his interest in learning Xi, I often switch the teaching tools such as colours, combinations and puzzles to attract his attention.
When he was obedient, I also constantly encouraged him and praised him for being a good boy. But sometimes he would lose his temper and keep patting his son, refusing to do what I asked. In this case, I grabbed his hand and forced him to do it. But this often made him even more rebellious, and he would kick the table foot violently. In order not to hurt him, I had to clamp his feet with my feet. Sometimes he resisted so hard that my foot hit the leg of the table, and sometimes he even hit my head on the head, and it hurt me to tears. Still, I had to catch him, and I would not give up until I had him finish his predetermined lessons.
I don’t know how many times during that time, after fighting with Zelin, I went back to my room hugged the pillow, and cried. At that time, my husband was worried that I would be disappointed and tearful after exhausting my energy and time, so he repeatedly advised me to take some degree courses for my future. However, whenever he mentioned it, I angrily said to him, “I am his mother, and I have no choice!”
After more than a month of training, Zelin was able to sit down for half an hour to forty-five minutes, and his progress was faster than I expected. After three months of Xi, he began to write his name, Louis. It took another month for him to learn to write his last name, Wong. By October, he was able to write simple sentences. On October 20, he wrote, “Daddy I love you!” I faxed it to my husband as soon as I saw it. When he saw the fax, he was so excited that tears welled up in his eyes, and he suddenly realized that although his son could not speak, he also had feelings. He immediately called me and told me that at the moment he was more excited than a promotion and a raise. Ten numbers for a yearWhile teaching Zelin to read, I also began to teach him to count and write. It took him almost a year to learn 1~10, and then the speed gradually accelerated, and it only took him a month to learn 11~20. By August 1996, he was learning to Xi simple addition problems with 1 or 2. On September 14th, I occasionally gave him some additional problems that needed to be carried out, such as 9+2, 4+8, etc., and he was able to write out the answers one by one. Since then, I have been giving him some additional problems that need to be carried in, and he can usually write the correct answers. On October 1st and 2nd, I suddenly had a few deep addition problems with two or three numbers, and reasoning problems that required the concept of multiplication, such as writing the next number after 5, 10, 15, and 20, and he was able to write the answers accurately. The only encouragement I gave him was to tap the back of his hand, which became a Xi habit every time he could concentrate on the Xi problem. Seeing him make such progress, I feel indescribably happy in my heart.
Soon after, a friend of mine, Rex, came to visit us from Canada. Rex was a zealous Christian. During my stay at home, he kept urging me to read the Bible, and I became impatient with this and turned down his offer on the pretext that I was busy. As we talked, I also constantly complained about God’s unfairness to me, and He patiently listened to my complaints. A few days later he went to a small town 400 kilometers away to visit his brother, but he still did not forget to call me every other day and continued to encourage me to read the Bible and draw closer to God. But I didn’t listen at all.
Am I going crazy?On October 24th, it occurred to me that I had never taught Zelin multiplication, so why did he have the concept of multiplication? The next week was the most exciting day of my life. Because I had to find more advanced math problems for him to do every day, I was amazed that he could accurately write the answers in two or three seconds from the four operations of addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division, fractions, decimals, squares, and algebra problems in the 11th grade.
I was a little overwhelmed when I saw this. My husband was on a business trip in Eastern Australia at the time, and he would call home every other day. At first, he was excited to hear that Zelin was progressing in mathematics, but when I told him that Zelin was able to do square and algebra problems, he couldn’t accept it. He is a computer engineer and has always been Xi with rational analysis of problems, and Zelin’s performance is contrary to his rationality, so he raises a large number of questions and asserts that it must be my godson’s heart, which has reached the point of going crazy. This made me very angry and told him to come back and see for himself. When he returned home, he was also amazed, and he filmed Zelin’s homework faithfully and prepared to show it to his relatives and friends in Hong Kong. He patted and muttered, “It’s.”
a real miracle！”At that time, it happened that the principal of Zelin School invited some autism experts to a meeting for Zelin’s transfer. Among them are psychologists, linguists, pediatricians, teachers of special schools, etc. I showed them the video, and when they saw it, no one could explain it. I was a little complacent, thinking that my kid might be a math genius, even though he couldn’t speak. Write a 5 firstWhen Rex called me on November 21, 1996, he urged me to read the Bible again, and this time I finally said yes. He suggested that I read the book of Proverbs first. The next day I read in Proverbs 22:17, “Listen to the words of the wise, and give ear to my knowledge.” ”
At around 11 o’clock, an old friend of mine, Peter, called me from Hong Kong. Peter was a doctor and a level-headed, analytical man. He told me that after watching the video my husband brought, the couple couldn’t sleep for a whole week, and they couldn’t figure it out. He didn’t think that Zelin was a genius, because geniuses were just people with special intelligence and talents, and the process of receiving things and learning Xi was shorter than that of ordinary people. However, Zelin made Xi that he had never learned, so Peter thought it might be a miracle. He suggested that I come up with some more advanced math problems such as trigonometry, geometry, or series in algebra for Zelin to do. He said, “If you give him the question “1+2+3++1000=?”, he writes a 5 as soon as he puts pen to paper, and I immediately salute him. You don’t have to ask anything more and take him back to church right away. I’m not a Christian, but I’m sure it’s a miracle. He then asked me, “You seem to have been a Christian?” and I was asked by him, and my face immediately turned red, and I replied, “I haven’t been to church for almost ten years.” ”
“Who taught you?”I told my daughter Bowen and my adopted son Zhicong about Peter’s idea, and they also thought Peter’s words were reasonable enough to try, and helped me with some math problems, including the one that Peter proposed. On November 24th, I gave these questions to Zelin. When he sat down and began to calculate, I was a little more nervous than usual, and I was anxious to know the result, so I stared at his hand tightly. I saw that after reading the question proposed by Peter, as Peter said, he wrote the word “5” in the first pen. In a panic, I immediately called my daughter. Then, I asked Zelin who taught him in the form of filler questions, and he wrote in front of me and my daughter that it was “God” who taught him. I was shocked again, and I was a little creepy on the spot. When she saw her brother’s “God,” she burst into tears, and she hurried out of the room to find the Bible.
I’ve always thought of myself as a confident person, but in the face of all this, I’ve become a little distracted and at a loss. In the past two years, I have taught him a total of simple addition and about 500 words. Everything I have taught is recorded, I have never taught him trigonometry, geometry, or algebra, so why can he answer without thinking? I have never taught him a word about religion, but how can he spell God? Seriously, even the dullest man should be awake by this time, because God has revealed to me by such a miracle. But my heart is hardened, and I can’t bow to God all at once. The first thing I thought of was my husband and Peter, and I wanted to fax them the math problems that Zelin had done and the answers he had written and hear their opinions. So I asked Zelin to rewrite the answer to who taught him math on an A4-sized piece of paper. He agreed to my request and wrote again that God had taught him.
Then I spoke on the phone with my old classmate Gao Meiyun because she often encouraged me to go to church. I used to find it annoying when she talked about the church, but now I was eager for her help. She was very excited after listening to my story, reaffirmed that it was a miracle, and decided to come to my house immediately and share the joy with me.
Then I called Rex again. This time, his usual cheerful tone became heavy. He told me that he and his brother had just been involved in a traffic accident and would have died if it weren’t for the Lord’s protection. I suddenly felt the fragility of human beings, who cannot even control their own lives. I didn’t talk to Rex about my son anymore because I felt that I could no longer rely on myself and others and that I had to go straight to God and the Lord of life.
When I decided to turn back to God, I remembered the rebellion and exaggeration I had been exaggerating all along, and my heart ached. As soon as I put down the phone, I gathered my three children and asked them if they knew of a miracle that had happened in their home, and they all said they did. I asked them to pray with me, and they agreed. So that afternoon, for the first time as a family, we prayed to God together. When I put my arms around Zelin and prayed to God, tears flowed out like a river bursting its banks. In prayer, I confessed my sins to God and resolved to repent, and I asked the Lord Jesus to be the Lord of my life and lead the way ahead of our family. After praying, my heart slowly calmed down. Directions to all the informationAfter a while, Miyun came, and as soon as she saw me, she came up to hug me. After that, we decided to ask Zelin a fill-in question, “Who loves Zelin the most?” and “Who is the Son of God?”, and Zelin immediately wrote “God loves Zelin the most” instead of “Mom”, and he wrote, “Jesus is the Son of God.”
After a few days, we found out that Zelin knew a lot about the Bible. My niece, who was living in my house at the time, thought that maybe God had given Zelin a lot of knowledge, and she suggested that he could be tested in every way. Over the next month, we were driven by curiosity to ask him more and more questions, many of which our friends had come up with after referring to the encyclopedia. It turned out that he could answer both natural and social science questions, and he could understand Chinese, Japanese, and French, which he had never learned. My family and I felt that we couldn’t figure out his limits with our limited knowledge.
On March 2, 1997, under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, Zelin wrote out a large portion of the gospel message. He wrote, “The Lord Jesus is the Son of God, who loved us and died for our sins, and who is God’s Savior for the world.” We are to let Jesus take charge of our lives. “At that time, I was taking Zelin and his Xi back to Hong Kong to visit relatives. I told my relatives and friends about this miracle, but there were still unbelievers among them. Some people also believe that whether it is Buddhism or Christianity, all religions are all persuasions to do good, and in the end they will all end up in the same way. I couldn’t agree with this because all the messages God brought to me through Zelin pointed to the Lord Jesus, so I insisted on explaining to them that the Lord Jesus is our only Savior. On March 3, 1997, I asked Zelin one last question on behalf of the crowd: “What is Buddhism?” to which Zelin replied, “Buddhism is a philosophy.” “I have never taught him the term philosophy, and he was able to express the essence of Buddhism so succinctly.
From then on, I felt that God had revealed His heart to me, and I no longer dared to question Zelin in any way. The curse turned into a blessingBecause of the misfortunes of my childhood and Zelin’s illness, I left God, and I tried to struggle on my own. I shut myself off in a state of solitude, miserable and with no one to talk to. Physically, I am a healthy person, but mentally, I look like an autistic person. For I have not seen the power of the Lord, nor heard his loving cry. I was like a sheep wandering apart, lost, wounded, trapped among thorns and unable to save myself. However, my Lord did not forsake me, but He took the initiative to find me and bandage my wounds so that I could experience His love again.
In the past, I used to complain about fate, feeling that my life was full of curses, as if anything unfortunate would happen to me. But today, I feel that all curses have turned into blessings. I wouldn’t have the fortitude to teach Zelin without the hardships of my childhood, and without Zelin I might never have returned to the Lord and enjoyed His love.
My whole being has changed dramatically. As Zelin wrote, he was an instrument of God, but he was still an autistic child, and I still had to face him every day, and my difficulties in life were not diminished. But because I know that I have the Lord’s presence and the support of my brothers and sisters every day, I no longer feel alone. No matter what happens, I have peace in my heart, and this peace from the bottom of my heart cannot be taken away from me.
Over the past few years, I have been invited to speak about my experience at evangelistic conferences in Australia, Hong Kong, and Canada, and have led more than 100 people to become believers. My family’s story was also filmed on video by the Hong Kong Evangelical Communication Centre and circulated more widely. I also go to help some families who have the same experience, so that they can have hope again, smile, and find meaning in life. To this end, I have been invited to Hong Kong and Canada many times to hold seminars on home learning Xi for autistic children for parents of children with autism, and also conduct individual counseling. In March 2000, Hong Kong Breakthrough Publishing House published a book I wrote about home studies for autistic children, Xi titled “Breaking Through Barriers”, so that more families could get help.
I used to cry and complain a lot because I had unspeakable worries and pains in my heart. I still cry sometimes today, but it is because I am touched by the love of the Lord. Dear readers, I hope that you will experience the love of the Lord as much as I did. As Pastor Ouyang of Perth Alliance Church wrote in the preface to my book “Extraordinary Testimony”: “Stories do not have to be accompanied by lessons, nor may they be prescribed according to prescriptions, but may this true story open a window into your life, let the fresh air blow in, and may he also create another miracle in your heart!” I think this is my hope and my heartfelt wish to you.
?真实的恩典[94…
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所以，我求你们效法我。【林前4: 16】
我求你，求你效法我。不断的看到保罗提出了非常多哥林多教会需要改变的地方。但是，他一直是这样的态度，像一个爸爸一样，谆谆善诱，来提醒这一些初信主没有太久的一些基督徒。其实这一些属灵的原则不只是运用在教会里，在每一个群体当中我们都会碰到。
从哥林多书信里面看到说，作师傅的人，还不只是教技术、教技巧，教你怎么把事做好。保罗说，他必提醒你们，记念我在基督里怎样行事，在各处各教会中，怎样教导人。
从前引导我们，传神之道给我们的人，我们要想念他们，效法他们的信心，留心看他们为人的结局。我们效法主的仆人，如同他效法基督，也就是效法他身上的基督。每一位神的儿女都有像神的一点，我们就是要学他们的这一点，如此我们也就要像基督。
怎样教导人，跟怎样行事，他把这两件事摆在一起，这就是师傅。作师傅的，一个属灵的师傅，不只是教导你该怎么做，而且，我让你看我怎么做。行事是什么？是我怎么做事，我做给你看。这真是一个重要的原则。在属灵的事上，我们所需要的不只是告诉你什么是对的、什么是错的，我们更需要的是活出来，让我看见你所教的是做得到的，不是大家都只是说说罢了。我教你该怎么做，我自己就这样做。这真是一个好的榜样。
一个生命有影响力的人，从来都不只是一个很会说、很会教的人。一个生命很有影响力的人是活出榜样的人。更多从他身上学的是他怎么做，不只是他怎么教。他怎么，他怎么活。教会需要榜样，今天这个世代，需要榜样。感谢神 ! 奉主耶稣圣名蒙恩! 阿们!
?真实的恩典[91…
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被人咒骂，我们就祝福；被人逼迫，我们就忍受；被人毁谤，我们就善劝。直到如今，人还把我们看作世界上的污秽，万物中的渣滓。【林前4: 12-13】.
基督徒是蒙神祝福的人，因此我们对待别人，也只能祝福，不可咒诅。最能感动逼迫者的心的，乃是被逼迫者的以德报怨，以祝福回应逼迫；历史上有许多逼迫者，因见到了被逼迫者的非凡反应，也转变成了基督徒。
『被人咒骂，我们就祝福；被人逼迫，我们就忍受；被人毁谤，我们就善劝』。这些都不是我们自己所能作得到的，乃是主的生命在我们里面，使我们能活出来。
一个事奉主的人，若光景正常，路走得正确，必被世人看为废物，看为人中之渣。人都愿走亨通、成功、荣耀的道路；但十字架的道路，却是被藐视、蒙羞辱、看作愚拙的路。『直到如今』没有中途变节，没有遇难思迁，没有从十字架上下来。
这个世代里面，我们都在面对这些，仇敌用各样的方法拆毁许多神所设立美好的，婚姻的制度，家庭的制度，等等这些。而基督徒、教会，如果不去面对这些真正的争战，还在那里分门别类，还在那里说，你是哪一个宗，我是哪一个派，我们的牧师怎么样，你们的传道怎么样，还在那里比来比去。
基督徒应该有一个不一样的态度，来面对这些冲击。在面对那么大的一些，冲击争战的时候，别人毁谤我们，我们好好的跟他说；别人咒骂我们，我们就祝福他们；别人逼迫我们，我们就算了不讲话。
在面对这些事情的时候，求神帮助我们，让我们学。当我们面对环境里面，这些冲击的时候，第一件事情，我们要面对的，是为基督的缘故，我是为主。为着主的缘故，我就忍受了。
我们被批评、被论断、被咒骂、被逼迫，有的时候不一定是为主，是因为我自己。是因为我的脾气，是因为我的个性，是因为我的偏执。如果是因为罪，是因为老我。我承受这些结果，没什么光荣的。
自己改脾气，修改我自己这个人。但是为着福音的缘故，为着基督的缘故，为着要为主得人，为着要在办公室里面我能够带领更多，办公室里的同事信主，所以遇到一些委屈，我吞下去了。你知道当你这样做的时候，你之所以可以吞下去，第一，你有一个清楚的目的，为着基督、为着福音、为着要得人，而且有一个清楚的盼望。感谢神 ! 奉主耶稣圣名蒙恩! 阿们!
?真实的恩典[97…
音频 三分钟
我想神把我们使徒明明列在末后，好像定死罪的囚犯；因为我们成了一台戏，给世人和天使观看。【林前4: 9】
人永远想自己作王。我的婚姻我决定、我的事业我决定、这笔钱是我的，我要怎么用，我决定啊。人喜欢自己作主，自己作王。但是成为一个基督徒，我们学会一件事，祂不只是我的救主，祂也是我生命的主。祂要在我的生命当中，带我走一条丰盛恩典的路。
你知道神要作王不是祂的霸权，祂要带我们走一条最棒的路。好像我们在摸索，摸索一些山路的时候，这一位很棒的导游，祂带我们走一条很好、最棒的路。可是我们却常常喜欢自己，我要试试看这个，我要试试看那个。如果祂不把我拉回来，祂就是眼看我掉下去，那么祂把我拉回来这个过程，是祂的霸权吗？
祂是全能全知的神，祂带你走一条丰富的路，不是霸权，是爱和恩典。把这样的主权交给神。教会里，不要在那里争来争去，谁作头，谁比较大的时候。当教会面对很大的争战，很多的困难的时候，一起抵抗外侮都来不及了。还在那里吵说，你大我大。
耶稣马上要在客西马尼园被捕，就在那一天晚上，祂就被抓了。然后第二天，祂就要被钉十字架了，在面对那么大的冲击的时候，门徒还在那里说，你大我大。因此，保罗说，我们使徒明明被列在末后，好像定了死罪的囚犯，我们成了一台戏，给世人和天使观看。
保罗又说，我们好像定死罪的囚犯。对于这些定死罪的囚犯，有一种死刑的判决是什么，是把他们丢到那个竞技场里面去跟兽，野兽来搏斗。狮子进来，老虎进来，把他们丢进去，然后来搏斗。然后就一群人站在那个看台上，去看他们，他们被狮子吃掉，他们被老虎扯掉，那是多可怕的一件事情。
而放在末后的意思：我们在面对多大的冲击、争战、危险、困难，别人是要怎么对我们，好像那些野兽怎么对我们一样。面对这么大的争战，我们还在那里说，你大还是我大？
教会必须认真的面对，这个世代里面，许许多多的争战。我们没有时间在那里比来比去，吵来吵去。感谢神 ! 奉主耶稣圣名蒙恩! 阿们!