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Nine times out of ten, life is not as expected, and life after believing in the Lord does not mean that it is smooth sailing. But a man of God will never lose peace and hope amid trouble. Just like in a dark tunnel, when the light at the mouth of the tunnel comes in, even if it is a small and faint light, I unconsciously breathe a sigh of relief, and suddenly a sense of security comes up. This light is our God. He is the light in the darkness, the light that brings hope, warmth, and comfort in the darkness. This is my God, the God who lifts me every time I fall into the abyss.

This fall, before he enters his third year of doctoral studies, he will have to complete the rigorous doctoral qualifying examination. There are two stages of the qualifying examination – written and oral, and the oral examination can only be conducted after passing all the subjects of the written examination. If you pass, you can become a doctoral candidate and continue to move towards your dream, and if you fail, everything will return to the original point and go home.

We have been praying about this, and our daughter would add the phrase “Pray that the Lord Jesus will let Daddy pass the exam” when she prays for thanksgiving. I am confident that God will open the way and that my husband will pass the exam again without any problems. It wasn’t until the eve of the exam that I realized that I was under a lot of pressure. For my husband to concentrate on preparing, I had to turn on the “pseudo-single mother” mode again. I asked myself to be a competent wife so that my husband could prepare for the exam without any worries, and I asked myself to be confident that I would not show the slightest hint of “if I have to go back to Taiwan.”

I asked myself to be independent and brave and to give my daughter a full sense of security even amid instability. I thought I believed in my God, I thought I had faith, but I didn’t, I was worried, I was afraid, the fear of failing the exam was going to consume me. This dark thought and emotion binds me and I can’t breathe.

In August of this year, in order to improve my language skills, I searched the website of Second Baptist Church near my home and wanted to sign up for an ESL course offered by the church. After searching for it a few times, I didn’t have any ESL information, but I accidentally found that there was a “Breathe for Mom’s” party class starting in September, holding the “It’s okay if there are no fish and shrimp.”

If you want to speak, you should practice speaking and listening, so I signed up for this group course.

We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, and to those who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

The date of the first class of “Breathe for Moms” happened to be the week of the written test, and the time of the written test was the date when the teacher was changed and changed. Plucking up the courage to step into the classroom, I was the only foreigner, a bit like a white rabbit who had strayed into the jungle. I chose a table and sat down, looking around, white, white, white, black, Asian, white, my heart beat super fast, I felt so stupid, and it was so self-defeating to want to come to this kind of place to practice English! I wanted to be friendly in tattered English, and when I said I was from Taiwan, the Asian mother said that she was also born in Taiwan and could speak a little Chinese. Later, I observed that she was the only Asian American in the class of seventy or eighty people, spoke Chinese, was born in Taiwan, and was in the same group as me. The theme of the day’s class was “Fearless Mom”, and God made me understand through the limited content that I could understand that I didn’t have to force myself to be a perfect mother or wife in His presence, and He inspired my faith again to rely on Him to be a Fearless Mom. During the group discussion, I don’t know where I got the courage to use my English to tell these strangers who we met for the first time that my husband had a very important exam this week, and if we didn’t pass it, we would have to pack up and go home.

I brought this exam to my worries and fears, the tension and pressure of being a wife and mother, and the helplessness and anxiety caused by the instability of living in the United States in the past few years. At this time, someone brought me tissue paper, someone hugged me, someone comforted me with scriptures, someone prayed for me, and they spoke very quickly, I tried to listen, but it didn’t matter if I understood it or not, my tears kept flowing, and the weight of my heart was released little by little.

Through these strangers, this course message, and these arrangements that are not accidental, God made me understand that He has always been there, never forsaken me, and that His love is so real! There is no fear in God’s love, I told myself that I would no longer shed tears, that my God would fight with me, and that there was nothing to be afraid of! From that moment on, I told myself to trust God to be a fearless mom, to keep watch for my husband and daughter, and to wave the banner of victory!

The thieves have come to steal, to kill, and to destroy, but I have come to give the sheep life and to the abundance. John 10:10

A few days later, the enemy came again and broke my faith. Mr. had a written exam question that was very far from the direction he was preparing for, and yes, he failed the exam. He told me in frustration that the professor knew that this was not his research specialty, so why did he deliberately come up with such a topic to make things difficult for him? He tried his best, and if the professor just wanted to kick him out, he would admit it. At the moment, I am so sad and sad, watching him try his best to fight for this doctor’s dream, this road is very difficult, but I am sure that God is also dripping grease on the journey. But at that moment, I was angry, confused, and even wanted to ask God, “God, where are you? Mr. can’t feel you, so how can he get this salvation?”

No, the enemy laughed at me, as a Christian wife, for not praying fruitfully, so how can I preach the gospel to my husband? My faith was shattered and shattered.

I called home and sadly told my dad that I was disappointed in God. Dad told me, “Praise God for being the God who created the heavens and the earth, the God Almighty, the only true God, and nothing is impossible in His hands. His love is long, wide, high, and deep, He knows that in every dream in our hearts, we must not lose faith in God, if you lose faith in God, how can your husband have faith in God?” Dad’s words immediately woke me up, and I thanked God that although our family was not around, we could support each other through prayer. Through the encouragement and prayers of my father and family, God picked up the shattered fragments of faith in my heart one by one. God continued to speak to me through Sunday messages and group classes, and I began to declare that I was God’s careful creation, no longer bound by any enemy accusations. God put joy and peace in my heart, and I kept humming songs of victory.

A week later, the results of the written test were announced, and the subjects I thought I had failed in the exam were miraculously passed! Although there were still two subjects to be retaken, I could open the book at home. Hallelujah! This result is completely beyond our expectations, and we will experience God’s wonderful leadership again. Our God is true and alive, and His mind is higher than men’s thoughts! He is always there, and He will not forsake what His hand created!

Thou hast crowned thy years with grace, and thy paths have dripped with fat. Psalm 65:11

Thank God, although the qualification process of my husband was thrilling, it had a perfect ending in the great and great grace of God, God had already prepared everything! This year, I learned to be strong in my weakness by Jesus, and I learned to let the power of God cover me. Don’t let the environment obscure the focus, keep your eyes on God, and feel His presence. He has always been there.