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Overtime culture prevails, how to work hard and enjoy life at the same time? Keller et al. Oak Word Studio
Which is more pleasing to God for Christians to work hard or enjoy life? It is believed that the instinct of many people is inclined to the former, otherwise, there would not be so many members of the Christian community who have been hastily swallowed up in spiritual life; But there must be many people who are more concerned about the latter, otherwise, there would not be so many people who have nothing to do on the grounds of retreating to the inner room to be quiet and close to God. Today’s two articles can help us have a clearer understanding of how to work hard and concentrate on and efficiently, and also return to rest peacefully and enjoy the abundant grace that God has bestowed upon us. May all of us learn not to be burdened by all kinds of work and not to spend our days idle!
In this way, all things in heaven and earth were created. On the seventh day, God finished His work; On the seventh day, God stopped all his work. God blessed the seventh day by sanctifying it because on this day God stopped all his work of creation and rested. (Genesis 2:1-3)
Six days of toil, do all your work. But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God; On this day, you and your children, your servants and cattle, and the sojourners who dwell in your city shall not do any work. (Exodus 20:9-10)
The first thing the Bible begins with is work. It can be seen that work is very important and the basis of everything. The writers of Genesis regarded God’s creation of the universe as work and put the great work of creation in seven days of the week. He then shows us the work of humanity in the Garden of Eden. And we are also to realize that God Himself has rested after the work of creation (Gen. 2:2).
Many people mistake work for a curse and other things (rest, family, or even “spiritual” pursuits) as the only way to find meaning in life. Both from the biblical passages we have examined before and will be discussed later, we can see that this argument is nothing more than a lie.
But let’s also not fall into the other extreme, which is that work is the only important thing, and rest is forced to “recharge” in order to continue working. We see from God’s work in creation that God did not need to restore his strength but still rested on the seventh day (Gen. 2:1-3). Thus, for us who are created in His image, rest and everything we do while resting is good in itself and nourishes life.
Work is not the be-all of life. While life without work won’t be meaningful, work isn’t the whole meaning of life. If you see work as a purpose in life, even if it is church service, then you are creating an idol for yourself against God. A relationship with God is the most important cornerstone of life, and this cornerstone can keep everything else in your life (work, friendships, family, leisure) so important that it makes you addicted and distorted.
The twentieth-century German Catholic philosopher Josef Pieper wrote in his famous essay “Leisure, the Basis of Culture”: “Leisure is not just letting go of work, but an attitude of the mind, in which you can simply focus on and enjoy things themselves, without considering their value or immediate utility.” In Western culture, work-oriented thinking allows people to see everything only in terms of efficiency, value, and speed. But people must be able to enjoy the simplest and most ordinary things in life, even if some of them have no practical value but are only pleasant to the body and mind.
Even Calvin, a notoriously stern Reformationist, surprisingly agreed with this argument. Speaking about the Christian life, he warns us not to judge the value of things solely on the basis of practicality: “Doesn’t God make us happy and happy when He prepares food for us, not only when he is full (providing basic nourishment)? The clothes on our bodies not only keep us warm but also dress us up dignified. In addition to their own functions, grass, green trees, vegetables, and fruits are also pleasing to the eye and exude a refreshing fragrance. Isn’t it pleasing to the eye that God created things, in addition to giving them the necessary uses? ”
In other words, we should look at all this and marvel, “The heavens of the universe may be dazzling or beautiful, the creatures on earth may be large or small, and all things in the world may be wise or wonderful, all created by God the Father.” ”
Only by constantly stopping our work and spending time in worship (which Pepper considers worship to be the first thing in “leisure”) can we truly experience the meaning of life simply by meditating and enjoying the world, including the fruits of our work. Piper writes:Leisure is the state of thinking about things with joy – a positive state of mind. It’s not the same as taking a break from work – leisure is more like the occasional silence when lovers talk, and that silence is part of the conversation. As the Bible says, when God “rests in all his work,” He sees that everything He has created is fine (Gen. 1:31), so leisure allows one to focus pleasantly and approvingly on the nature of creation.
All in all, hard work is essential to live a meaningful life. Work is God’s most precious gift to us, a pillar of purpose in life. But we must put work in perspective and not put it above God. We have to stop working from time to time to recover our bodies, and at the same time enjoy this world and ordinary life.
Work passionately, but don’t sell your soul for it
Leland Reiken, The Puritans Who Entered the World
Another legacy of the Puritan view of work is the idea of moderate work. At the two extremes of the attitude to work (one extreme is extreme idleness or laziness; At the other extreme, slavishly indulged in work), the Puritans theoretically tried to maintain the middle way. But in practice, they often tend to overwork.
One modern interpretation of the Puritan work ethic is correct—the Puritans despised idleness and praised hard work, and Baxter often showed impatience on the issue of idleness, saying, “It is despicable and sinful not to work.” Robert Bolton called idleness “the rusty, long ulcer of the soul.”
In his influential book, The Ordinary Man’s Way to Heaven, Arthur Dent wrote, “God does not allow anyone to live idle. Elizabeth Joselyn wrote in The Mother’s Gift to the Unborn Child: “You are a man, and you are ashamed of idleness; You are a Christian and are anxious for idleness. It is clear from these statements that Puritan ethics held that work was not only a social obligation but also an individual responsibility.
The Puritans criticized idleness while appreciating hard work, not because hard work was an intrinsic virtue, but because it was the means God assigned to mankind to provide for what they needed. Baxter wrote: “God commands you to somehow earn daily meals. Thomas Wattson envisioned: “Religion does not seal human idleness—God assigns all his children to work—and God blesses us for our diligence, not laziness.” ”
The Puritans had a strong aversion to idleness and praised work, in part because they were convinced that labor was the work that creation was ordained to do and that it was therefore necessary for the good of mankind. William Perkins wrote, “Adam could do whatever he wanted before he sinned, but God let him work.” In John Robinson’s view, “God allowed our first fathers to labor even in sinlessness—much less to let sinful human descendants live idle lives.” Man is destined to work hard – both physically and mentally, like a spark flying upwards. ”
Baxter writes, “Adam the sinless was placed in the Garden of Eden to govern the garden; In the flesh, both body and soul must have work to do. Work is both created and ordained to be done recognizing that labor itself and its response to God are honorable.
The Puritans believed that even “spiritual” was not an excuse for idleness. Richard Steele objected to “neglecting human necessity under the pretext of religious worship.” Thomas Shepard advises a religious fanatic who complains that thoughts about godly matters distract him from his work: “It is a sin to have earthly thoughts when God has appointed you to do spiritual, heavenly work; Similarly, from a certain point of view, when God has assigned you to work on earth, it is also sin to distract you and think about spiritual things. ”
But then, does the puritan ethic inevitably lead to workaholic syndrome? The Puritans thought otherwise. They try to find a balance for their diligence by explicitly limiting overwork. Their ideal is still moderation.
John Preston said: “Be careful not to overdo things, and not to work in detail and without restraint. Philip Stubbs cautioned that “every Christian should not allow “him to overwork before God” and “exceed the limits of true godliness.” Moreover, “the Lord does not allow us to be greedy or to work without restraint; We should not worry about tomorrow today, because one day of difficulty is enough. ”
Robert Woodrow, a Scottish theologian, commented: “I humbly believe that we have been too partial to work and neglected more valuable things, and such sins will be recorded in our verdicts.” ”
On the subject of “part-time,” Richard Steele points out that one should not “work two or three jobs just to increase one’s wealth.”
The goal of the Puritans was not to go to extremes and to conform to the middle way. Working passionately, but not selling their souls to work, is what they strive for. John Preston put it this way: “If you have pure love, then you can do all the things of the world without being defiled; But when you covet anything too much, it defiles your soul. ”
Neither idle nor workaholic, this middle-way idea is also John Cotton’s ideal:
In every living saint, there is a strange combination of two virtues, namely: on the one hand, diligence in the affairs of the world, and on the other hand, death to the world; The parties to this mystery will know, but others will not know. Although he worked diligently in the calling of heaven, his heart was not focused on these things; When he gets his belongings, he knows what to do with them.
见证篇 187.如…
加班文化盛行，如何既殷勤工作又能享受人生？凯勒等 橡树文字工作室
对基督徒而言，竭力工作和享受人生，哪个更能讨神喜悦？相信许多人的本能倾向于前者，否则基督徒群体中不会有那么多被匆忙吞没了灵修生活的肢体；但是一定也有不少人更在意后者，否则不会有那么多以退回内室安静亲近神为理由而无所事事的人。今天的两篇文章，可以帮助我们有较为清晰的认识，既懂得专注高效地竭力工作，又平静安稳地归回安息，享受神所赐予人的丰盛恩典。愿我们所有人都学会不为各样工作缠累，又不闲散度日！
这样，天地万物都造齐了。第七日，上帝完成了他所作的工；在第七日上帝歇了他所作的一切工。上帝赐福第七日，把它分别为圣，因为在这一日，上帝停了他一切所创造的工，歇息了。（创2：1-3）
六日要劳碌，作你一切工作。但第七日是耶和华你的上帝的安息日；这一日，你和你的儿女，你的仆婢和牲畜，以及住在你城里的寄居者，不可作任何的工。（出20：9-10）
整本圣经一开始首先谈及的就是工作。由此可见，工作十分重要，是一切的基础。《创世记》的作者将上帝对宇宙万物的创造视为工作，把伟大的创世之工放在一周七天之内完成。接着，他向我们展示了人类在伊甸园里的工作。而我们同样也要意识到，上帝自己在完成创世之工后也有安息（创2：2）。
许多人误把工作当作诅咒，而将其他（休息、家庭或甚至是“属灵”上的追求）当作寻找人生意义的唯一途径。无论是从此前我们所查考的还是后面将讨论到的圣经经文中，都可以看出这种论点无非是谎言。
但是我们同样也不要陷入另一个极端，即工作是唯一重要的事情，休息是迫不得己，只是为了“充电”以便继续工作。我们从上帝创世的工作中便可看到，上帝无需恢复体力，却仍在第七天歇了工（创2：1-3）。由此可见，对于依照他的形象而造的我们来说，休息以及一切在休息时所做之事本身都是好的，可滋养生命。
工作不是生活的全部。虽然没有工作的生活不会有意义，但工作也不是生活全部的意义。如果你视工作为人生的目的，哪怕这项工作是教会服侍，那么你便是给自己制造了一个对抗上帝的偶像。与上帝的关系才是生命最重要的基石，而这个基石能够不令你生活中的其他一切因素（工作、友谊、家庭、休闲）重要到使你沉迷、扭曲的地步。
二十世纪德国天主教哲学家约瑟夫•皮柏（Josef Pieper）在一篇名为《休闲，文化的基石》（Leisure, the Basis of Culture）的著名散文中写道：休闲不仅仅是放下工作，而是一种心灵的态度，在这种状态下，你可以单纯地去专注、享受事物本身，而不必考虑，它们的价值或直接效用。在西方文化中，以工作为导向的思维使得人们仅凭效率、价值和速度去看待一切。但是人们必须能享受生活中最简单和平凡的小事，即使有些并无实用价值而仅仅是愉悦身心。
就连以严厉著称的改教家加尔文也出人意料地对上述论点表示赞同。在论及基督徒生活时，他警戒我们不要仅凭实用性来判断事物的价值：“上帝在为我们预备食物时，岂不是在果腹（提供基本的营养）之余也让我们感到愉悦、欢欣？我们身上的衣裳除了保暖，也把我们装扮得端庄得体。青草、绿树、蔬果在其本身的功用外，也悦人眼目、散发着沁人的芳香。上帝在创造诸事物时，除了赋予其必要的用途外，岂不也悦人眼目？”
换言之，我们应该看着这一切，并赞叹说：“宇宙穹苍或耀眼或美艳，地上生灵或庞大或渺小，世间万物或智慧或奇妙，都乃天父上帝亲手所造。”
我们只有时常停下手中工作并花时间敬拜（皮柏认为敬拜乃“休闲”时的首要之事），单单默想、享受这个世界，包括我们作工的果实，才能真正经历生命的意义。皮柏写道：
休闲是充满欣喜地思考事物的状态 – 是一种积极的心态。这与从工作中歇下来不尽相同 – 休闲更像是恋人谈天时偶尔的静默，而这静默就是谈天的一部分。正如圣经所说，当上帝“歇了他所作的一切工”，他看他所造的一切都很好（创1：31），所以休闲能让人愉悦、赞许地专注在创造的本质上。
总而言之，要想活出有意义的人生，竭力工作不可或缺。工作是上帝给我们最宝贵的礼物，是赋予人生目的的一大支柱。但是我们必须正确地看待工作，不可使其凌驾于上帝之上。我们要不时地停下工作的脚步恢复身体，同时也要享受这个世界和平凡的人生。
热忱工作但不要为之出卖灵魂
利兰•赖肯《入世的清教徒》
清教徒的工作观还有一个遗产，就是适度工作的观念。在有关工作态度的两个极端（一个极端是极度闲散或懒惰；另一个极端是奴隶般地沉溺于工作）之间，清教徒在理论上试图保持中道。但在实际上，他们常常偏向于过度工作。
现代人对清教徒工作伦理的解释有一点是正确的——清教徒蔑视闲散，赞扬勤奋，巴克斯特在闲散问题上常常显出不耐烦，他说：“不劳动是卑鄙的、罪恶的。”罗伯特•伯尔顿称闲散为“灵魂生的锈、长的溃疡”。
阿瑟•邓特在那本有影响力的书《普通人通向天堂之路》中写道：“上帝不允许任何人生活闲散。”伊丽莎白•约瑟琳在《母亲给未出世孩子的馈赠》中写道：“你是男子汉，要以闲散为羞耻；你是基督徒，要为闲散而焦急。”从这些陈述可以明显看出，清教徒伦理认为工作不仅是社会义务，也是个人责任。
清教徒批评闲散，同时赞赏勤奋工作，这并非因为勤奋工作是内在的美德，而是因为它是上帝分派给人类去供应所需的方法。巴克斯特写道：“上帝命令你们以某种方式赚取每日的饭食。”托马斯•瓦特逊设想：“宗教信仰并未盖章批准人的闲散 – 上帝安排他所有的孩子们工作 – 上帝因我们的勤奋，而非懒惰而赐福我们。”
清教徒对闲散强烈反感，对工作加以赞扬，部分原因是由于他们确信劳动是被造物被命定要做的事，因此，为了人类的好处，工作是必须的。威廉•珀金斯写道：“亚当尚未犯罪时，想要什么都可以，但上帝还是让他做工。”在约翰•罗宾逊看来，“上帝让我们的始祖即便在无罪中 – 也去劳动 – 就更不会让有罪的人类子孙去过闲散生活。人注定要辛勤劳动 – 包括体力劳动和脑力劳动，就像火花注定向上飞那样。”
巴克斯特写道：“无罪的亚当被安置在伊甸园中治理园子；人在肉身中，身体和灵魂都必须有工作可做。”工作既是被造物被命定要去做认识到劳动本身，及其作为对上帝的回应，是尊贵的。
清教徒认为，即使是“属灵”也不是闲散的借口。理査德•斯蒂尔反对“以宗教敬拜为借口忽略了人的必需事务”。有一位宗教狂热分子抱怨说，对敬虔事务的思忖导致他工作时分神，对此，托马斯•谢泼德建议：“当上帝安排你们去做属灵的、属天的工作时，你们却心怀尘世思想，这是罪；同样的，从某个角度来看，当上帝安排你们从事地上 – 的工作时，你们却分神、思考属灵的事，那同样是罪。”
但是，这样，清教徒伦理是不是不可避免地会导致工作狂综合症呢？清教徒认为不是这样。他们试图通过明确限制过度劳累来为他们的勤奋找到平衡。他们的理想仍然是适度。
约翰•普雷斯顿警吿说：“注意不要揽事过多，也不要事无巨细、毫无节制地操劳。”菲利普•斯塔布斯告诫道：“每个基督徒在上帝面前都理所当然地”不应允许“他做工过度而”超过了“真敬虔的界限”。而且，“主不让我们贪婪，也不让我们无节制地工作；今天我们不应该为明天操心，因为（主说）一天的难处一天当就够了。”
苏格兰神学家罗伯特•伍德罗评述道：“我谦恭地认为，我们太过偏爱工作，忽略了更有价值的事情，这等罪将记录在我们的判决书上。”
关于“兼职”这个问题，理査德•斯蒂尔指出，一个人不应该“仅仅为了增加财富而兼任两三份工作”。
清教徒的目标是不走极端、合乎中道。热忱地工作，但不把灵魂出卖给工作，这是他们努力的目标。约翰•普雷斯顿如此表达：“如果你们有纯洁的热爱，那么你们可以从事世上万事而不被玷污；但当你们过分贪恋任何事物时，它就会玷污你们的灵魂。”
既不闲散，也不做工作狂，这种中道思想也是约翰•柯顿的理想：
在每个活生生的圣徒里面，存在着两种美德的一种奇怪组合，即：一方面勤奋于世事，另一方面却又向着世界死；这奥秘当事人会意，旁人却无从知晓。虽然他在天召中极力勤奋工作，但他的心不专注在这些事情上；当他得到财物时，他知道该怎么处置。
张保罗查经《旧约》…
感谢主！我在网上带领查经已经十年了，也从头到尾查了三遍了，国内外分享人数约几千个人了。我做过誓言：生命不息，布道不止，所以就继续和大家一起第四遍分享神的话语。但也想征求一下大家对查经的意见或建议，有何需要改善的地方，当然，众口难调，十年中，我也听到很多忠恳的建议，也在部分提取改进，在此表示感谢！但不能满足所有人的需求，比如篇幅问题，文档发布问题，形式问题也不完美，在此也表示歉意。我的解经查考版本有十几个，但主要按启导本和马唐纳为主等十几个解经资料，力求准确，求神给我智慧和能力。看圣灵的带领和大家的建议，如果有些群已经有牧养了，而且我的分享不适合你们，可以告诉我，我会退出。如果有人愿意开始查考圣经的话，今天就是你的查经起点，愿神祝福各位！
张保罗查经《旧约》导论
圣经是神的话，向人启示，所以是一部神的书，是神真理的启示。旧约讲神的圣约，以恩惠赐予以色列及普世。新约是神圣约的继续，藉基督的宝血而缔结，施恩给全世界。可见新约与旧约是合一的，都为神所默示，具有真理的权威，指示人蒙恩之道，为信徒信仰与道德的准绳。旧约为新约之钥，能开启新约真理之宝库；正如新约为旧约之钥，可窥见神在历代启示的奥秘。旧约与新约必须同时着重，以经解经，才能有完整的领悟，明白真道。
一、史地综览
以色列西部高原山上终年积雪，中部高原是加利利地区，向南有米吉多平原，向西通往大海，向东也是平原，称为（约旦）河东之地。巴勒斯坦因地势而常旱，自五月至九月无雨。靠春雨与秋雨滋润地土，产生谷物果类。
列邦人民 1，挪亚的三个儿子，闪与含为主要的种族，包括亚述与巴比伦。迦南人与腓尼基人为含系。希伯来人、亚摩利人、亚兰人、摩押人、亚扪人、以东人与阿拉伯人为闪系。雅弗人即为印欧系，包括玛代波斯、西古提人，以后还有希腊、罗马人。
希伯来人指亚伯拉罕一族，因为他的儿子以实玛利成为日后的阿拉伯人，他孙子以扫成为以东人，这两者可属同族。但神给他应许之子以撒，生次子雅各才有十二支派，成为以色列民族。据《创世记》10：21，闪是希伯子孙之祖，希伯应为希伯来人的祖先。
扫罗为第一任君王，仍是士师形像，有军事干才，却无政治的才智。大卫为扫罗的女婿，继位是有合法权益的。但到他作王后，王权才真正成为世袭，且有神的圣约为依据（撒下7章）。他先在希伯仑作王七年，然后成为以色列全国之君。所罗门获大卫准许被立为王，是由先知拿单与母亲拔示巴促成。他以智慧著称，享有才子的盛名。他大兴土木，达成父王大卫的愿望，建成圣殿。在信仰方面，他晚年失节，妃嫔太多，且来自异邦，多为政治外交之联姻，使他陷于异教迷信之罪恶。南北分裂 所罗门之子罗波安即位后，仍一本父王之政策，使北方在耶罗波安策动之下发生叛变。十个支派脱离出来，自成以色列北国，在但与伯特利两地设立圣所。本以牛犊为装饰，以后却被人们奉为膜拜的偶像。圣所设立，原为防止人民再去南方耶城，但现在弄巧成拙，无可收拾。北国之王朝既非大卫家，没有神的应许与福分，篡位的事更司空见惯，政治失去平衡与安定。如果没有若干伟大的先知如以利亚、以利沙、阿摩司等，北方必早已败亡。虽然如此，北国也只有二百余年，在主前722年灭亡于亚述。
南北分国之后，犹大尚为安定。北国却革命频仍，耶罗波安的儿子拿答即位不久，为将军巴沙所杀，巴沙将国都由示剑迁至得撒。他的儿子以拉也被暗杀。心利的王位反为暗利所夺，建立王朝，成为以后亚哈家的强权。那时，犹大国的君王罗波安之子亚比央，孙亚撒，不住与以色列北国争战。两国之间争夺不已，至暗利战胜犹大之后，大事兴革，迁都至撒玛利亚。异族如摩押、推罗等也都受制于他。推罗的公主耶洗别嫁给暗利王的儿子亚哈，带进巴力的敬拜，将北国陷于罪恶之中；以后就引起耶户的革命。
耶户的革命，为除去巴力的迷信，似有先知以利沙的鼓励。他杀害耶洗别及亚哈的众子，并巴力的祭司，这番宗教改革可谓透彻。
但亚述迅速夺取叙利亚的大马色，时在主前732年。十年后，撒玛利亚城被攻破，北国败亡，沦为亚述帝国的一省。十个支派以后也失落了。
南国虽幸免一时之灾，但祸患无穷，一直受制于亚述强权。朝中和战政策也常在亚述与埃及两大强权之中举棋不定，最后在巴比伦的侵略下败亡。巴比伦击败埃及是在主前605年，亚述的尼尼微城早在主前612年被巴比伦征服。巴比伦的目标只在巴勒斯坦。南国虽屡次寻求政治独立、宗教改革，如希西家王与约西亚王，但迷信积习太久，罪恶已深，改革的事只有短暂的果效。耶和华公义的审判已经发动，耶路撒冷城在主前587年，为巴比伦攻陷。南国败亡，比北国多维持一百三十五年。
犹大曾被掳三次，首次在主前605年，尼布甲尼撒王掳走宫廷重要人物。第二次在主前597年，约雅敬王及国中的精英被掳。第三次在主前587年耶京沦陷时。 巴比伦为波斯征服之后，古列元年（主前538年）颁布命令，容被掳者归回。
二、正典概要
律法、先知与著作共分三大类：1，律法，为摩西五经，即《创世记》、《出埃及记》、《利未记》、《民数记》及《申命记》。
2，先知分为前先知与后先知。前先知书为《约书亚记》、《士师记》、《撒母耳记》、《列王纪》。后先知书包括《以赛亚书》、《耶利米书》、《以西结书》及十二先知书。
3，著作先有《诗篇》、《箴言》及《约伯记》，其次有五卷，即《雅歌》、《路得记》、《耶利米哀歌》、《传道书》及《以斯帖记》。之后有《但以理书》，又有《以斯拉记》与《尼希米记》合为一卷，及《历代志》。
《七十士译本》目次，《路得记》在《士师记》后，《耶利米哀歌》在《耶利米书》后，《但以理书》在先知书中，《历代志》、《以斯拉记》、《尼希米记》、《以斯帖记》均依次排列在《列王纪》后，作为历史书。
语文、文体与写作
（一）希伯来文与亚兰文 旧约大部分经文为希伯来文，极少数经节以亚兰文写作。希伯来文与亚兰文都属闪系语文。
在圣经中亚兰文主要有四段：《以斯拉记》4：8-6：18，是波斯宫廷中的通讯；7：12-26是波斯王颁布命令。这是供实际的用途。其他有《耶利米书》10：11，以及《但以理书》2：4下至7：28。亚兰文中同样有不少外来语，尤其在亚兰文意译本。
（二）文学体裁的解析 旧约文学有许多种类的体裁，以表达永恒的真理。主要是诗与散文。1，诗文占旧约大部分篇幅。诗是隽永而简练的短句，不是音韵，而是意韵，即取其涵义而求合一的均衡。诗歌或为崇拜之用，如《诗篇》。或为励志的劝导训诲，如在智慧文学中的《箴言》。先知的信息大多以诗歌表达，有时采取哀歌的形式，有的是讥刺的歌，带有责骂的口吻；有的是情歌，充满丰富的情感。
2，散文在旧约，仍有诗歌之美，几乎可称为“诗的散文”。有比喻、寓意、故事等。
3，由口传至写作：旧约著作中，甚少是由直接写作而成的，大多是经过口传的阶段，然后才记录、写作成文。
法典精义
（一）圣约与律法 耶和华与以色列建立圣约的关系：“我要作他们的神，他们要作我的子民。”这恩惠的圣约是以律法为大宪章的。律法与恩典不可或分，在律法的条款之前，常有恩典的事实。
律法有两种形式。一种是绝对的，以第二人称的命令词：“你当…你不可”，如在十诫中的各条。一种是相对的，视情节而定。这是以假定的语句，并以第三人称：“倘若人（没有仇恨、以致于死；会众要救这误杀的人）”。故意杀人是绝对不可的，误杀是情有可原，可从轻量行。这情形在其他法典甚多，可见律法中仍有无限的恩惠。
（二）十诫 在《出埃及记》20章及《申命记》5章，原意为“十语”或“十句话”，都是以简赅的语句道出神绝对的命令。四条是对神的；六条是对人的。
犹太人共有613条律法规则。
先知著作：先知著作为先知运动的产物，远在“写作先知”之前。摩西自称为先知（申18：15），但是五经内容大多为律法，不是先知的信息。从撒母耳时代起，先知出身祭司，集先知与祭司的工作于一身，故称之为“礼仪先知”，如以利亚、以利沙及米该雅等。他们的名称由先见（撒母耳）至神人，话语不及神迹多，所以记载不详，信息不多。在主前八世纪，才自阿摩司起，将信息记载成书。
他们被称为“写作先知”。圣经中排列的先知书，并非照年代的次序，而是按篇幅的长短，分为大小先知，这是四世纪的分类。可能最好的分法。
智慧选集：旧约的智慧文学是《约伯记》、《箴言》、《传道书》及若干《诗篇》。在五经与先知书中也都具有。《但以理书》中有预言，也是启示文学，用的却是智慧文学的体裁。
Testimony…
Listen for 5 min
It’s about life, back to the Bible.
Some people wrote to me saying that the place where I am is very popular, and I have to give red envelopes when I get married, have children, have birthdays, housewarming, win the college entrance examination, and the death of the elderly. Even church staff face a lot of pressure on this issue, and believers have to seal red envelopes for red and white happy events in their homes. I can’t afford to send it at all, and if I don’t send it, I’m afraid of tripping people. Ask me how is it good.
I don’t know where this limb lives. However, I know that in a coastal city in the south known for its individual economic development, the trend of exaggeration and comparison is prevalent. No matter what, it is popular to eat and drink, and it is natural to give red envelopes. If the children get married and the old man dies, it is even more necessary to make a big deal.
I personally attended Christian weddings, there was wine at every table, and everyone had to give out a gift bag before leaving. It is estimated that each table will cost more than 10,000 tables, and the wedding table will be as many as seventy or eighty tables. Although I know that the local area likes to do a big deal, it still makes me smack. If you don’t do it, you are afraid of losing face, if you don’t give gifts, you are afraid of losing people, and under the vicious circle, there is a tragedy that you can’t afford to hold a tofu banquet and choose to commit suicide. Speaking of which, it is estimated that many readers already know where it is.
There is nothing new under the sun, and there are ancient and modern feasts and favors. The rich class of the ancient Roman Empire had to find excuses to eat and drink for days when they had nothing to do, and they were extremely poor. That’s right, not a few meals, but a few days. The grandeur of the scene, the expensive ingredients, the gorgeous singing and dancing, and the exquisite utensils are not inferior to today’s metropolis. The result? Along with extravagance, moral standards continue to decline. First homosexuality prevailed, then barbarian invasions. Finally, the Eastern and Western Roman Empires both perished.
I once met young people who were hungry and fainted in the streets of the city center, because they had no way to work and were thin and embarrassed to ask for help. There were many onlookers, because there was still something to do, so they only bought food and gave it to him.
In contrast, you can see why lavish feasts provoke the wrath of the gods. The end of self-centeredness will be lamentable, whether it is Babylon or Rome, or the empire today. “So in one day, her calamity will come together, death, sorrow, famine. She will be burned by fire again because the Lord God who judges her is powerful. For a moment, such great wealth came to nothing. All the owners of the ship and the sailors who went everywhere on the ship, even all those who lived by the sea, stood far away, and when they saw the smoke burning her, they cried out, “What city can be greater than this great city?” And they sprinkled dust on their heads, weeping and weeping, crying, “Lament, mourn, O great city! “Whoever has a ship in the sea is rich because of her treasures, and she is in a moment a wasteland.” Revelation 18:8, 17-19
This is not necessarily related to the abundance of materials, the development of science and technology, and the prosperity of commerce, but to the hearts of the people. Because they chose to be considerate of the flesh and indulge their lusts, the Bible states: “Their end is to perish, their God is their belly, they glorify themselves with shame, and think exclusively of the things of the earth.” Philippians 3:19, “Fools who turn their way against each other will kill themselves; The foolish man is at ease, and he will harm himself. Proverbs 1:32
In the so-called human favor, the focus is not on love, but on people.
In order to build and maintain relationships, it has to be done. Unconsciously, basing a sense of security on the network of one’s own talents and external relationships, in fact, there is no peace. Those who look up to him will fall, and those who depend on them will be disappointed. This is due to the deceit of the human heart and the corruption of generations. This is especially true for gifts to leaders or children’s teachers. Those who trust in the Lord are never ashamed, and we need to do God’s will.
The essence of human favor is high maintenance cost and high pressure. Once, I went to a church in the hinterland, which is known for its godliness and fiery, and had a good conversation with the local elders. They were very welcoming, and during the small talk I asked what was the average local wedding dowry. Answer: Two or three hundred thousand, in addition to having a suite in the city. I heard that the elder in charge of teaching had just married his daughter, so I asked, “Does your child receive a bride price when they get married?” He suddenly became embarrassed and reluctantly replied: Also 200,000.
At a per capita monthly income of two or three thousand yuan, this is not a small number. The elder married his daughter, and the red envelopes of the co-workers seemed to have been discussed, all of which were five hundred. Brothers and sisters are divided into one hundred and two hundred according to their income. This is still the church, and the society has heard that it is 500 friends. If there are several so-called red-and-white happy events and birthday housewarmings in a month, it is estimated that you will have to borrow money to get by. Lust is expressly forbidden in the Bible, including rivalry, jealousy, drunkenness, and feasting. Galatians 5:20-21. Our godliness is meaningless if we do not protect ourselves from the world. James 1:27
Caring for others requires paying, but it’s not just about human relationships. If it is a dear friend and a person who gives symbolically but becomes a burden to all, the church should make its attitude clear: we oppose it and refuse to participate within the church. “Everything I do, but not all of it is beneficial; I can do anything, but in either case, I am not subject to it. 1 Corinthians 6:12
This needs to start with the pastoral staff of the church and act as an example of changing customs. Not by one’s own conscience, but by the conscience of others. For example, my pastor friend married his daughter, I knew that he was not rich, and I also regarded the girl as my own daughter, so I won my wife’s agreement to give her 3,000 yuan red envelopes. This is tantamount to caring for the brother and not thinking of anything in return.
But if the atmosphere in Shanghai becomes like the southern coastal cities mentioned at the beginning of this article, I will not give red envelopes. It is estimated that they will be advised to have a simple wedding at the church. The author did not take wedding photos when he got married, did not buy jewelry, only held two tables to invite elders and relatives to participate, and confiscated a penny of church bodies. It’s good here in Shanghai, see off the elders in the Lord, and I haven’t heard of sending red envelopes.
The important thing is to bring heavenly blessings.
Heavenly blessings are truly beautiful and last.
I’ve always objected to my co-workers bringing anything to my house, and I’m happy whenever someone comes. And I also like to send visiting body books as a souvenir. The Bible tells us that before we know it, we receive an angel. Hebrews 13:2
Normally, I don’t bring any gifts to visit my limbs, unless I am sick or impoverished. For there is a greeting, intercession, and the comfort of God’s Word. The same is true for the visits of the co-workers, even if they buy things, they pay for them themselves and do not have to be reimbursed by the church. The money in God’s house should not be used for human relations, but to support mission and care for the poor. Genuine love, it is more valuable than giving red envelopes, and everyone with inner life can recognize this.
In view of this, we should care for each other and pray for each other. Help if you have a physical problem, whether it’s moving or sick. As for the world’s favorite gifts, try to avoid them. For “whatever you do, walk for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31b
However, since breaking through social sentiment, it is inevitable that there will be greater pressure, especially for individuals. It is best to do it as a whole at the church level, that is, each member of the body expresses its attitude: “I am a Christian, and the church rules that no gifts are accepted or given.” I hope to understand. “If you have real difficulties, try to help. Most people verbally blame, but they will secretly envy in their hearts.
Christians are children of light, and they should be good witnesses to the Lord everywhere.
见证篇186.送人…
关乎生命，回归圣经。
有肢体来信说自己所在的地方人情很重，结婚、生子、生日、乔迁、高考中榜、老人去世都要送红包。连教会同工在这个问题上也面对不小的压力，信徒家里红白喜事都要封红包。都送根本送不起，不送又怕绊倒人。问我如何是好？
我不知道这位肢体住在哪里。不过我知道南方某个以个体经济发达着称的沿海城市，夸富攀比之风盛行。无论什么事都流行大吃大喝，送红包自然也顺理成章。若是儿女结婚，老人去世，更是要大操大办。
我亲自参加过基督徒的婚礼，每桌都有名酒，临走还要每人发个礼包。估计每桌要花一万以上，而婚礼多达七八十桌。虽然知道当地喜欢大操大办，但还是令我咂舌。不办怕没面子，不送礼怕丢人，恶性循环之下，就发生了办不起豆腐宴选择自尽的悲剧。说到这里，估计很多读者已经知道是哪里了。
日光之下没有新事，攀比宴乐、送人情，古今中外都有。古罗马帝国富人阶层没事都要找借口大吃大喝好几天，而且穷奢极欲。没错，不是吃几顿，而是吃几天。场面之盛大，食材之昂贵，歌舞之艳丽，器皿之精致，绝不输于今日的大都市。结果呢？伴随着奢靡之风，道德标准不断下降。先有同性恋盛行，后有蛮族入侵。最后就是东西罗马帝国俱都灭亡。
我曾在该市市中心的街巷遇见过饿晕过去的年轻人，因为打工没有着落，脸皮又薄不好意思求人。围观的人不少，因为还有事，就只买了吃的送他。
对比之下，就知道为什么奢华宴乐惹神震怒。以自我为中心的结局必令人叹息，无论是巴比伦还是罗马，或者今日的帝国，都会如此。 “所以在一天之内，她的灾殃要一齐来到，就是死亡、悲哀、饥荒。她又要被火烧尽了，因为审判她的主神大有能力……一时之间，这么大的富厚就归于无有了。凡船主和坐船往各处去的并众水手，连所有靠海为业的，都远远地站着，看见烧她的烟，就喊着说：“有何城能比这大城呢？ ”他们又把尘土撒在头上，哭泣悲哀，喊着说：“哀哉，哀哉，这大城啊！ ”凡有船在海中的，都因她的珍宝成了富足，她在一时之间就成了荒场。”启18:8，17-19
这与物资丰富，科技发达、商业繁荣没必然关系，乃是关乎人心。因为选择体贴肉体，放纵私欲，所以圣经指出：“他们的结局就是沉沦，他们的神就是自己的肚腹，他们以自己的羞辱为荣耀，专以地上的事为念。”腓3:19， “愚昧人背道，必杀己身；愚顽人安逸，必害己命。”箴言1:32
所谓人情，重点不是情，而是人。
为了构建与维护人际关系，不得不为之。不知不觉间，把安全感建立在自身才能与外在关系网上，其实没有平安。仰望人的必跌倒，依仗人的必失望。这是由于人心的诡诈与世代的败坏决定的。给领导或孩子老师送礼的更是如此。信靠主的却绝不会羞愧，我们需要遵行神的旨意。
人情重的本质就是维护成本高，压力大。有一次，我去以敬虔火热着称的某内地教会，与当地长老们交谈甚欢。他们接待很热情，闲聊时我问当地结婚彩礼平均水平是多少？答曰二三十万，另外还要在市里有套房。我听说负责教导的长老刚嫁了女儿，就问：“你家孩子结婚有没有收彩礼？”他一下尴尬起来，勉强回答：也是二十万。
在人均月收入两三千元，这可不是小数字。长老嫁女儿，同工们红包好像商量过的，都是五百。弟兄姊妹则根据有没有收入，分别是一百，两百。这还是教会，社会上听说是好友五百起。若一个月有几起所谓的红白喜事、生日乔迁，估计就得借贷度日了。情欲之事，为圣经明文禁止，其中就有争竞、嫉妒、醉酒、荒宴等。加5：20-21。我们的敬虔若不能保守自己不沾染世俗，就毫无意义。雅1:27
关爱人需要付出不假，但岂只在人情往来。如果是至亲好友，象征性给些未尝不可，但成了众人的负担，教会就应该表明态度：我们反对，并在教会范围内拒绝参与。 “凡事我都可行，但不都有益处；凡事我都可行，但无论哪一件，我总不受它的辖制。”林前6:12
这需要从教会的牧者同工做起，起到移风易俗的榜样作用。不是由于自己的良心，而是由于别人的良心。原来我并不绝对性反对送红包，比如我的牧师好友嫁女儿，我知道他不富裕，而我也把姑娘看作自己女儿一般，于是争得妻子同意送三千元红包。这等于关爱弟兄，并没有想着回报。
但若上海的风气变得像本文开头提到的南方沿海城市一般，我就不会送红包。估计会劝他们在教会办简单的婚礼即可。笔者自己结婚就没拍婚纱照，没买首饰，只办两桌请来长辈至亲参加，更没收教会肢体一文钱。上海这里还好，送别主内长辈，也没听说送红包的。
重要的是带去天上的祝福。
属天的祝福才是真正美好并能持续久远的。
我向来反对同工肢体来我家时带任何东西，只要人来我就很高兴。而且我还喜欢送来访肢体书籍，作为纪念。圣经告诉我们，不知不觉间，就等于接待了天使。来13:2
一般情况下，我去探访肢体也不会带什么礼物，除非是生病或陷入贫穷。因为有问候、代祷与神话语的安慰。同工们去探访也是如此，就算买东西也是自己出钱，不必教会报销过。神家里的钱不能用于人情来往，而是要支持宣教、照顾贫寒。出于真诚的关爱，比送红包更有价值，有内在生命的都能认识到这一点。
有鉴于此，我们平时就要彼此关爱、互相代祷。肢体有困难就及时帮助，无论是搬家还是生病。至于世人喜欢的送人情，就尽量避免。因为“无论作什么，都要为荣耀神而行。”林前10:31b
不过，既然突破社会民情，难免会有较大压力，对个人来说更是如此。最好是教会层面整体去行，即每位肢体都表明态度：“我是基督徒，教会规定不收礼不送礼。还望理解。”遇见真有困难的，就尽量去帮助。人家多半口头责怪，心中却会暗羡不已。
基督徒是光明之子，就当处处为主做美好的见证。
Testimony…
Listen for 7 min
If you expect something in return, don’t give, love is not “moral kidnapping” – Jiang Peirong Jiang Peirong
Here, I would like to share some of our experiences of leading our family to serve society with a sense of mission. I believe that after reading this, you will feel that you can also start small like us. When you reach our age, you will find that you have accomplished so many meaningful things!
How can we serve the community together?
01. I and Wei Qiandu believe that it is better to teach them to fish than to teach them to fish. We like to equip and train people instead of just giving money.
02. Whether it’s parenting, managing staff, or serving as a mentor, we want to influence others by being an example to meet the needs of the middle and advanced stages of Maslow’s pyramid of needs.
When we went to Gansu in 2004 to support teaching, we sponsored a student named Ye Wen one-on-one through the “Thousands of Villages” program. On the left is a photo of us with Ye Wen, and on the right is Ye Wen sharing his experience of social service with me on stage during a lecture in Xi’an, when he rushed from Gansu on an overnight train.
If we had only been to relieve Ye Wen, we would have just sent some money and gifts. In this way, he feels that he is a good person, and Ye Wen will also appreciate us, but he may always ask us for help in the future. You may have heard that some sponsored children do not know how to be grateful after college. The sponsors were so angry that they even went to court to get them to pay their tuition.
When we help others with a trading heart, sooner or later we will be disappointed because no one is perfect and everyone will let us down. We can only overflow love if we are filled with love first, then our spouse and children, and finally the people around us. Whether it is to community security guards, school teachers, or mountain children, we give love and share happiness without conditions. Although the superficial actions are all the same, the meaning is completely different, and therefore the results are completely different.
We and Ye Wen have also changed from the roles of relief workers and relief recipients to relatives and friends. His position has also changed from a weak person to a strong person who has the ability to help others, realizing that ability is not used to bully people who are weaker than us, but to help them, because the greater the ability, the greater the responsibility. What we want to give Yewen is not money, but dignity and hope.
03. We can also see another important principle from Ye Wen’s case – change is long, not a one-time. We are always greedy, overestimating what can be done in one year, but underestimating what can be done in 3 years. For our family, the tuition fee of more than 800 yuan a year is actually a very small number. We had the option to sponsor 10 children but knew we didn’t have the time and energy to reach and influence them consistently, so we invested our money in other charitable projects and then focused on impacting one student and one family in terms of tuition. Therefore, it is recommended that you do not be greedy when setting service goals, do not think about investing a lot of money or time at once, but start small and stick to it to become a great project.
We Chinese love big narratives, but few of us are willing to stick to one small thing. Since returning to China in 2003, we have insisted on doing small things in a low-key manner and maintaining a few relationships. So many of my books are published after writing 2,000 words a month. In the beginning, everyone around me would laugh at me for being silly, why not use my education and fame to do more things that are larger, more profitable, and more popular? Why not use some hype to make the book sell a little better and make yourself more famous? But it turns out that insisting on doing small things and doing big things with a bang and then disappearing, the former is far more effective than the latter, so don’t underestimate small goals and small things. When you stick with it for 10 years, this little thing becomes a great thing.
04. If one person does not go far, a family can go far. Similarly, if one family does not go far, several families can go far. I remember helping a begging family in Los Angeles when we were young. The black couple had 4 children, the baby was diapers and the family had no money to eat. When we went to see them at the motel, we took pity on the children and wanted to help the family. We gave them $50 to buy diapers and food for the week. The next day, while we were having dinner with friends, we saw this father begging at a nearby supermarket.
We went over to ask him how the $50 ran out so quickly and found that they had been hungry for a long time and didn’t know where their next meal would come from, so they went to eat a steak right away with $50, spending the entire week. We understand why the family has been reduced to such a lack of life skills. So we made an appointment with two other couples to help the family so that they could live independently. One couple helped them buy a very old car, another couple helped this husband find a job, and our couple rented an apartment for them, and helped him learn to manage money for Qian. If three families had helped this black couple alone, we would all be exhausted. A year later, they were not only able to live independently but also became our friends.
Now my eldest son, Kevin, is also helping homeless people with friends. What I found super interesting was that the friend who helped the black couple buy a car became very interested in homeless people. They created a real estate development company, developed an upscale apartment on a homeless street in downtown Los Angeles that no one wants to go to, and incidentally developed the surrounding supermarkets and shops. Because the location was close to nearby office buildings, house prices rose so much that all apartments quickly sold out at high prices. But when my friend developed the apartment, he set aside 1/4 for homeless families, so that they could receive life counseling and start over. By helping others, the project also made him a billionaire.
So don’t make service something you need to do away from your family, but something you do with your kids. If your spouse doesn’t have time to accompany you right now, you can go with other couples with children to live a plumbing life. You will find that helping other people’s children will make you more grateful, more considerate of your family, more responsible, more humble, and feel more meaningful in life.
In fact, pride and inferiority are two faces built on the self. Humility is a healthy form of selflessness, and serving others is the way to cultivate humility.
05. We believe that all people are equal, regardless of dignity or inferiority. As long as we have a humble heart, a willingness to learn from others, and a habit of reflection, we will grow. The recipient of help should not benefit us in vain, so he should be grateful to us and inferior to us. The biggest beneficiary of serving others is us, not others, and we grow in the process of serving others. Like the above case, who benefits the most in the end? Although this black family was helped, I think it was actually our 3 families who benefited the most.
06 . Only sound altruists have the confidence and security to make themselves smaller and smaller and make their children, their employees, and their service recipients stronger and stronger. If the original family leaves us some shadows or unhealed injuries during our growth, we need to raise the “child” in our hearts and heal those wounds.
We don’t want anyone to become dependent on us, but rather to be a springboard for someone else’s growth and success. We have accepted help from others, healed some of the wounds of childhood, got out of the limitations of our thinking, and learned to respect and treat ourselves kindly. I hope you can treat the supervision team as such a “second family” and as a base for your healthy growth and change. This process is very long, I hope everyone will not be in a hurry and continue to walk together.
So, don’t be stressed when discussing how to serve others. When you are capable, it is natural to find a way to serve others. Never force it, and don’t force it, otherwise, you will soon fall into resentment and self-pity, and the cup will soon be empty. Start by serving your family, neighbors, co-workers, your child’s teachers, other parents, and the community, and start with one person so you don’t run out of your time and energy.
07 . Our Chinese culture is particular about “human debt”, but I hope that everyone can pay attention to “love debt”. Human debt is to reward others, and there is an element of transaction in it, which can also become a kind of moral kidnapping. The debt of love is born of gratitude, an unconditional giving that gives us true freedom of mind. Giving is not for reward, but because we have been beneficiaries and are willing to pass on the benefits we receive gratuitously. If we can free ourselves from all kinds of unrealistic expectations and serve others unconditionally, we can truly enjoy the joy of service.
见证篇186.在全…
在全职太太与甜宠剧之外，女性往哪走？境界君
云南女校长张桂梅严厉批评学生当“全职太太”上了热搜。有媒体发现，英文网站上对全职太太的支持与反对各一半，中文世界里却是压倒性地高举职业女性。当家暴新闻戳破了甜宠剧里无小三、无误会、一宠到底的婚姻谎言，女性终于走上那条甩开男人、独自强大的路？
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近期，云南女校长张桂梅严厉批评学生当“全职太太”上了热搜，在离婚大潮汹涌、女性追求独立的社会大背景下，一石激起千层浪，引发了媒体和网络关于全职太太与职业女性的热议。
因为目睹农村对女性的歧视，张桂梅付出了极高的代价与心血，为失学的农村女孩创办了全国第一所全免费的女子高中。这种努力值得尊敬。在婚姻家庭领域有着十年服侍经历的何威牧师，在接受《境界》采访时坦言，追溯事情的前因后果，张校长的愤怒是可以理解的，但同时也要看到，把做全职太太视同自甘堕落的寄生虫生活，是女性走出农村被歧视的困境之后的倒退，这种观点过于刻板，传递出一种典型的偏见。
现实生活中每个女性处于不同的地域、文化及个人处境之下，“女强”真能防御男人的辜负与背叛？做全职太太还是职业女性这样简单二元对立的选择，就能解决女性普遍面对的婚姻、家庭、自我价值及成长的困境？这样的思考和探索对于男性同样有帮助。
当男人变娘、女人变强
《境界》：近来媒体上许多关于全职太太的讨论。《新京报》发现，反对全职太太的论述活跃丰富，支持全职太太的论述寥寥无几；对比英文网上对此支持与反对五五开的情形，中文世界压倒性地高举职业女性。你认为这种现象产生有怎样的社会文化背景？从信仰的角度，我们如何看待这样的讨论？
何威：我看过关于张桂梅校长以及华坪女子高中的报道，我个人深深理解她。在她的经历中，看到很多乡村女孩没有任何公平生活的权利——被剥夺了学习的机会，仅仅成为嫁人生子的工具。她一次次走进深山，把差点被嫁掉的女生“抢”回学校；为了让大山里的女孩们能上高中，她拖着病躯，像乞丐一样沿街募捐。她创办的女子高中不仅不收一分钱学费，还为特别贫困的女童家庭提供财务补助。学校连续十年高考综合上线率100%，1804个女孩在她的帮助下走出大山，进入大学，从此改写命运。她对女童的关心，以及对农村社会歧视女性的振臂呼喊，都让人感动。但她对全职太太的看法，如果放在更大的社会背景中看，却值得商榷。
中文世界在强调职业女性社会价值的同时，也在贬低家庭主妇的价值。所以，我特别理解张校长因学生特殊的状况，对女性地位痛心疾首。但她只看到罪恶所导致的现象，而没有看到罪恶的本质。
基督信仰将婚姻关系的破坏、丈夫对妻子的管辖，视为人类犯罪的直接后果。历史上，男性对女性的辖制是公开进行的，女性对男性温柔地操控与反噬也屡见不鲜。在过去的社会中，女性很难冲破社会分工的藩篱，而撒旦的诡计就是让两性的价值对立，持之以恒地矮化、消解、忽视多数女性委身的家庭劳动的价值；同时强调、高举甚至神化职业劳动的荣誉和价值，借以抬高男性。这种建立在谎言基础上的性别文化，让男女彼此竞争、分离、像经营公司一样去面对自己的婚姻。
现代社会让男女在构造上的差异得到极大的弥补，女性第一次可以昂首挺胸地离开男性，独立自主面对一切。张校长奋斗的动力，源自农村对女性的歧视。她想帮助女童的初心很好，但她不是回归到真理的层面，而是受女权主义的影响，激发并鼓励女性依靠自己的能力与男性竞争，发展到极端，反过来成了对全职太太的歧视。她把全职太太看成是一种“出走”之后的倒退。
其实，全职太太的讨论是个伪命题，我们讨论的本质在于：女性到底是谁以及婚姻究竟是什么？男人和女人的关系该怎样？我是谁、从哪里来、要往哪里去、为什么活着？上帝创造女人的目的，是因为看到亚当独居不好，需要一个配偶即“女人”来帮助他完成被造的使命。配偶，原文为“帮助者”，这是一个伟大而又充满恩典的身份。上帝没有用亚当的头骨造她，免得她高高在上；上帝也没有用亚当的脚骨造她，免得她被踩在脚下，上帝用亚当的肋骨造了女人，帮助这个男人能够站得挺拔。她让亚当的灵、魂、体都被深深吸引，并让两个人都被满足。
当女人想要“独立”离开身体，必然会受伤害，而当男人不愿呵护女人，这个肋骨会让他浑身不自在。男人和女人谁都不能独立，只能尽力去合一，完成上帝创造他们的使命。明白了这一点，我们就不会纠结在全职太太这样的伪命题上。
《境界》：无论社会上还是教会内，中国女性对男性的抱怨与愤怒似乎有升级之势，比如“当妈式择偶、保姆式妻子、守寡式婚姻、丧偶式育儿”。作为一个男性咨询师，你如何看待这样的女性情绪？
何威：心理学家武志红提到，中国社会的家庭整体形成一个巨婴系统，由一个缺位的父亲、一个焦虑的妈妈，然后再加一个充满问题的孩子构成。问题凸显为父亲的缺位——父亲不去负自己做为男性的责任，不去承担作为家庭的引导者、领袖的地位、权柄与义务，这导致男人不像男人、父亲不像父亲。男性逃避责任，让女性失去遮盖，没有安慰也没有保护，什么事都必须自己来。在这个过程中，女性变得越来越强大。但从创造的本源来看，她本来是帮助者的角色，什么都自己来的结果就会陷入抱怨、焦虑。
当母亲焦虑的时候，倒霉的其实是她的孩子。男孩一定会被这样的妈妈很严地控制，什么事情都不让他干，只要他成为一个乖孩子。加上父亲的缺位，他没有男性的榜样，于是下一代的男孩越来越失去男性特质，越来越不负责任，越来越弱。而女孩则看到很多母亲的闪光之处，她会想像母亲一样追求强大，长大以后不受男性欺负。这样发展下去，社会混乱失序，因为男人越来越娘，女人越来越强。
找到生命的痛点
《境界》：女性在婚姻中容易出现控制丈夫的倾向，有些女性做全职太太或者选择在家教育，表现出的控制性让孩子窒息。全职太太也可能控制，职业女性也可以不控制，女性如何从控制的欲望中走出来?
何威：这个问题比较深，我们简单来谈谈。女性喜欢控制，多半是内心有创伤未医治，她会没有安全感，没有归属感，内心有恐惧、慌张，情绪不稳定。这种心态让她想通过把事情控制在自己手里，按照自己的意思去做，带给自己安全感。今天很多有信仰的女性也陷在控制的罪里，可以说她们的信仰还停留在理性层面，没有进入实际生活。
比如很多妈妈对孩子的控制很难解决，她们需要更细致的服侍。我们会帮助她们梳理原生家庭，挖掘成长过程里出现的问题，帮她找到痛点，会发现伤害大多是因为缺乏爱，导致她里面的不安全感。然后需要把这些真实呈现在神面前，在神的话语里与神建立真实的关系，去解决与修复生命的破损。这才有可能从控制的习惯里走出来。
我们有一个四十天默想上帝话语的课程，让神的话从知识上的学习变成生命的经历，课程内容也必须和实际应用结合在一起，让她们真实触碰到生命里很深的问题。真理可以照亮人里面的光景，真正面对自己，清楚知道什么是老我，分辨里面的谎言，让生命改变过来。
《境界》：你是否发现婚姻中哪些是男性容易出的问题，哪些是女性容易出的问题？
何威：婚姻有些基本原理，比如丈夫需要尊重，妻子需要爱。当妻子感受不到丈夫的爱，就很容易抱怨、苦毒，冷战、指责或者刺激丈夫。男性容易出现的问题就是他无法理解妻子，无法呵护她，总认为很多事是妻子应该做的，这样会产生很多后续问题。
《境界》：这些让我想到如何认知情绪和情绪模式，似乎很多人在这方面普遍有障碍。
何威：的确是这样，我们在辅导中会帮助夫妻双方了解自己的原生家庭、情绪模式、系统和思维方式及信念系统。我们小时候普遍没有得到父母足够的爱与陪伴，情商没有得到过开发和培养。与西方文化不同，我们的文化不重视对情绪的了解。西方人对情绪种类的了解很丰富，基本能够识别100个左右，在中国，特别是北方男性，对情绪种类的识别能达到20个就不错了，这导致许多中国夫妻情感互动方面很荒凉。因为男性想表达也表达不出来，而女性又需要这种情感上的安慰和呵护，当丈夫无法给与，女性会难过、受伤，然后抱怨、指责。很多夫妻矛盾其实起源于情绪感受方面的问题没有解决，最后双方失去信任导致婚姻解体。
我辅导过一对信主的夫妻，丈夫是山东人，典型的大男子主义。弟兄在教会还有服侍，但作为丈夫，他从来都不表达对妻子的爱，他认为自己赚钱了，妻子应该知足。妻子要工作，还要带孩子，他回家也不帮忙做家务。妻子生病的时候，他不知道呵护，他认为妻子应该自己解决问题，不该抱怨他。开始的时候，妻子一直忍耐，实在无法承受就开始吵架。辅导的时候，我问妻子有没有告诉丈夫自己需要什么，她说没有，她只用抱怨、指责甚至漫骂的方式对待丈夫的问题。我问丈夫，你有没有在感受妻子不容易的时候去呵护一下她、拥抱一下，安慰安慰她的情感？他说没有，他没有从父母那里看到过，觉得这样很不男人。明白了之后，两个人都愿意改变。
甜宠的谎言，不是婚姻的见证
《境界》：现在女性影视剧中盛行一款甜宠剧，你如何看待其中呈现出的婚恋观？
何威：我为此写过一篇文章。甜宠剧没有触及婚姻的本质和意义，它仅仅满足了人最低层次的需要。上帝创造人有灵魂体三个层面，甜宠剧更多满足了“体”方面的需要。一个男孩和一个女孩彼此动心，很多时候是一种激素反应。实际上，你会发现很多男孩是在找妈妈，不是在找妻子，很多妻子不是在找丈夫，而是在找爸爸，这些其实都源于原生家庭的缺乏，因为缺乏，吸引力会加强，其实都在拿对方填空。
甜宠剧的套路基本就是无虐、无误会、无小三、一宠到底，男主宠女主，像爸爸宠女儿；女主溺男主，像妈妈爱儿子。现实中哪有这么不讲道理的宠溺，人性哪有这么没有底线的甜蜜？这种虚幻的幸福是谎言，让很多年轻人认为婚姻就应该这样，自己很喜欢，又能满足我的需要。当进入婚姻之后，激素反应一消退，双方马上就原形毕露了。
上帝设立婚姻，起初美好，但因始祖犯罪，男人变得要去管辖妻子，妻子恋慕丈夫，恋慕的原文是温柔地辖制，相当于要抢夺男人的权柄。婚姻结果不再是去完成神的使命和托付，而变成互相辖制、互相抢夺权柄，让自己变得更加自我的过程。当人重生得救，从咒诅里出来，婚姻才能恢复秩序，重获美好，两个人一起完成神的使命。
《境界》：从甜宠剧幻想中失望的女性，找到的自救出路就是女强，比如一些大女主剧里的女强观。
何威：现代社会女性在职场和男性竞争毫不示弱，因为很多工作更需要脑力而不是体力。女性取得了很多成就，因为上帝设立她的角色是帮助者，一定要有比男人优秀之处才能做好帮助者。但当女性意识过度抬头，就会导致和帮助者的身份发生矛盾。
现在这个社会变得如此混乱，首先不是女人的问题，而是男人的问题，因为男人是头，所以男人要悔改。做父亲的一定要成为称职的父亲。不管你结婚还是没有结婚，男人必须要成为一个男人，承担自己的责任。所以，我们在教会里提倡要鼓励弟兄，给弟兄更多的机会成长。第二，我们告诉姊妹要安静、温柔，要学会接受爱，被保护、被遮盖，不要太强了。
有人批评我们重男轻女。我说不是这样，我们并不歧视女性，反而认为女性太强而男性太弱了。男性有一个特点，当他没有得到尊重的时候，他很自卑，不敢承担责任。当姊妹越来越兴起，弟兄就越来越弱势。我们更多鼓励弟兄，花时间培训，让他们更多服侍，是为了让男性能站起来，为家庭、社会负起责任。
《境界》：在中国90后、00后的年轻一代中，认同同性恋、甚至双性恋的比例提高，他们还积极讨论不婚不育、开放式婚姻。这对教会有什么提醒？我们该如何应对？
何威：挑战已经存在，形势严峻超出我们的想象。比如00后，我女儿正好处于这一代，他们被世界的价值观冲击得更严重，他们通过网络吸取资讯的能力远远超过我们，很容易接受新思潮。当他们看到西方有的教会里出现了所谓同性恋牧师，就会很困惑。严格讲，中国教会走了一些弯路，比如我们更多进行神学培训，看重理论建造，不是重视信仰在生活细节上的落地。中国教会需要在真正的服侍方面，在生命的陪伴方面付上很大的代价。
现在社会新闻充斥着婚变、家庭暴力的内容，整个社会太缺少幸福婚姻的例子，包括教会都缺少见证。如果中国教会能够有更多婚姻里活泼的生命见证分享出来，是对中国社会莫大的祝福。
见证篇185.若期…
爱不是“道德绑架”
在此，想分享一些我们夫妇带领全家怀着使命感服务社会的经历。相信看了这些以后，你会觉得自己也能像我们一样从小事做起。当你们到了我们这个年龄时，就会发现自己成就了那么多有意义的事！
怎样一起服务社会呢？
01 .我跟为千都深信授之以鱼不如授之以渔。我们喜欢装备和训练别人，而不是光给钱。
02 .无论是养育孩子、管理员工，还是担任导师，我们都希望以做榜样来影响他人，唯有这样才能满足马斯洛需求金字塔中级和高级阶段的需要。
我们在 2004 年去甘肃支教时曾通过“千乡万才”计划一对一资助了一名叫叶文的学生。下图中的左边是我们跟叶文的合影，右边是一次在西安举办讲座时叶文跟我在台上分享社会服务的经历，当时他是坐过夜的火车从甘肃赶过去的。
要是我们当年只是救济叶文，仅仅寄点钱和礼物就可以了。这样既觉得自己是很好的人，叶文也会感激我们，但以后他可能一直会向我们开口求助。大家可能也听过有些接受赞助的孩子在大学毕业后却不懂得感恩。赞助者非常生气，甚至去跟学生打官司要学生还学费。
当我们怀着交易的心去帮助别人，迟早会失望，因为没有人是完美的，每个人都会让我们失望。我们只有先被爱填满，才能溢出爱来，然后浇灌配偶和孩子，最后是周围的人。无论是对小区保安、学校老师，还是山区孩子，我们付出爱和分享快乐时都不带条件。虽然表面行动都一样，但意义完全不同，因此结果也完全不同。
我们跟叶文也从救济者与被救济者的角色变成了亲人和朋友。他对自己的定位也从弱者变成了有能力帮助别人的强者，认识到能力不是用来欺压比我们弱的人，而是去帮助他们，因为能力越大责任越大。我们想要给叶文的不是金钱而是尊严和希望。
03 .我们从叶文的案例也能看到另一个重要原则——改变是漫长的，不是一次性的。我们总是很贪心，高估能在一年内完成的事，却低估了坚持3年才能完成的事。对我们家来讲，一年800多元的学费其实是很小的数字。我们当初可以选择赞助 10 个孩子，但知道没有时间和精力持续接触和影响他们，所以就把钱投在了其他慈善项目上，然后在学费方面就专心地影响一个学生、一个家庭。因此，建议你们设立服务目标时不要贪心，不要想一次就投入大笔钱或时间，而是从小事开始，坚持下来就能成为伟大的工程。
我们中国人喜欢宏大叙事，但很少有人愿意坚持做一件小事。自从2003年回到国内，我们一直坚持低调做小事，维持少数关系。我的那么多本书也都是每个月坚持写 2000 字后出版的。刚开始的时候，周围人都会笑我傻，为什么不利用我的学历和名气多做一些规模大一点、利益多一点、人气火热一点的事？为什么不多用一些炒作的手段让书更畅销一点，让自己更出名一点？但事实证明，坚持做小事与轰轰烈烈做大事然后消失，前者的效果要远远好过后者，所以千万不要小看小目标和小事。当你坚持 10 年，这件小事就成为伟大的事。
04 .一个人走不远，一家人才能走得远。同样，一个家庭走不远，几个家庭才能走得远。记得我们还没孩子的时候就开始在洛杉矶帮助一个乞讨家庭。这对黑人夫妇生了4个孩子，小婴儿已经没有尿布，全家也没钱吃饭了。我们去汽车旅馆看他们的时候很可怜那些孩子，就很想帮助这个家庭。我们给了他们 50 美金去买尿布还有那一周的食物。没想到隔天我们跟朋友吃饭时又看见这位父亲在附近的超市乞讨。
我们过去问他那 50 美元怎么这么快就用完了，发现他们因为饿了好久不知道下一顿饭从哪里来，于是有了 50 美元就马上去吃了一顿牛排，把一整个礼拜的费用全部花掉了。我们明白了为什么这个家庭会沦落到如此地步——缺乏生活技能。所以我们跟其他两对夫妇约定帮助这个家庭，使他们能够独立生活。有一对夫妇帮他们买了一部很旧的车，另外一对夫妇帮这个丈夫找到了工作，我们夫妇帮他们租了公寓，为千还帮这个丈夫学会管理钱。要是当初3个家庭单独帮助这对黑人夫妇，我们都会累倒。一年后，他们不仅能够独立生活了，还成了我们的朋友。
现在我的大儿子凯文也在跟朋友一起帮助流浪汉。让我觉得超级有意思的是，那个帮黑人夫妇买车的朋友对无家可归的流浪汉产生了巨大兴趣。他们创建了一家房地产开发公司，在洛杉矶市中心没人愿去的流浪汉街头开发了一栋高档公寓，也顺便开发了周围的超市和商店。因为这个地点离附近的写字楼很近，房价涨得很厉害，所有公寓很快以高价卖光了。但我这位朋友开发公寓的时候却留出 1/4 给流浪汉家庭，让他们有接受人生辅导和重新开始的机会。因为帮助他人，这个项目也让他成为亿万富翁。
所以不要让服务成为一件需要离开家人才能做的事，而是成为一件你跟孩子们一起做的事。要是配偶目前没时间陪你一起去，你可以跟别的夫妻结伴带着孩子去活出水管式的生活。你会发现帮助别人的孩子会让你更懂得感恩，更体谅家人，更有责任感，更谦卑，也感觉人生更有意义。
其实骄傲和自卑是建立在自我上面的两个面孔。谦卑是一种健康的忘我，服务他人是培养谦卑的方式。
05 .我们相信人人平等，不分尊卑。只要我们有一颗谦卑、乐意向别人学习的心，有反思的习惯，就会有所成长。接受帮助的对象不是因为从我们身上白白得到益处，所以就应该感激我们、低我们一等。服务他人最大的受益者是我们，不是别人，我们在服务他人的过程中得到成长。就像上面这个案例，到最后谁最受益？虽然这个黑人家庭得到了帮助，但我觉得最受益的其实是我们这 3 个家庭。
06 . 人格健全的利他主义者才有信心和安全感来让自己越来越渺小，让孩子、手下的员工、服务对象越来越强大。要是原生家庭在我们成长过程中给我们留下了一些阴影或没有治愈的伤害，我们就需要养育内心里的那个“孩子”，也需要治愈那些伤痛。
我们不愿意任何人对我们产生依赖，而愿意成为别人成长和成功的跳板。我们曾接受别人的帮助，治愈了童年的一些伤痛，走出了思维限制，学会尊重和善待自己。希望你能把督导团队当成这样的“第二家庭”，当成你健康成长和改变的基地。这个过程很漫长，希望大家不要着急，继续结伴走下去。
所以，你在讨论如何服务他人时千万不要有压力。你有足够能力了就会很自然地去寻找服务他人的道路。千万不要勉强，也不能勉强，不然你很快就会陷入怨恨和自怜，杯子很快就倒空了。你要从服务家人、邻居、同事、孩子的老师、其他家长和社区开始，从一个人开始，这样才不会耗尽自己的时间和精力。
07 . 我们中国人的文化讲究“人情债”，但我希望大家能够讲究“爱的债”。人情债出于回报别人，里面有交易的成分，也会成为一种道德绑架。爱的债则出于感恩，是无条件的付出，使我们得到真正的心灵自由。给予不是为了获得回报，而是因为我们曾是受益者，愿意把自己接收到的益处无偿地传递下去。要是我们能把自己从各种不实际的期待中解放出来，无条件地服务他人，就能真正享受服务的乐趣。
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