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“The Apostate” – make people “turn the road” (Asaph)
This article was originally published on the official website of Jumu on October 27, 2016One day in June 2016, on a whim, I bought my first e-book, Shi Wei’s newly published novel “The Apostate” through WeChat.It started out to pass the time on the way to work. However, I was like an ignorant fisherman, accidentally stepping into a mysterious cave and entering a complicated world hidden in a certain time and space in history. The difference is that this is not Tao Yuanming’s peach blossom source tour, but more like a detective journey like Keigo Higashino’s.The novel is divided into 4 parts that are both independent and interrelated: the whistleblower, the devotee, the follower, and the bread breaker. Below I want to share my reading experience – to be clear, you may completely disagree with me – this is just my personal feelings.Part 1: “The Whistleblower”
The first few chapters of this novel give me the feeling that I am a bit like the old Ruth in “Titanic”, recalling an old-fashioned, Republican-period Miss Dahu’s love story.
It’s just that because her life is smeared with a layer of Christian oil paint, the fashionable and Western-style style of high society at that time, there is still a lack of some of the twists and turns of the Mandarin Duck Butterfly School.
As for me, it was as if I had been walking for a while along a quiet, straight, and boring stream, looking left and right to find nothing special, and I felt more and more bored and discouraged. I said in my heart: yes, don’t look at it.
Just as I was about to pull away, I suddenly saw ahead – not “suddenly enlightened… Arida Miike Kusutake’s genus” (Editor’s note: “Peach Blossom Source”) – but the peak turns, the river rushes down, and suddenly falls into the abyss!
Just as the author’s words turned, as if the background music suddenly changed in the movie, social changes hit like a hurricane, character contradictions suddenly broke out, all the veils of warmth in interpersonal relationships were suddenly torn, and the ugliness hidden in the darkness in the past was suddenly revealed to the world!
Thus, under the test of fiery, the most admired leaders were found to be evil people with corrupt morals, while the most sincere believers became the angriest and most corrupt whistleblowers. Love and intrigue are intertwined, and truth and lies are entangled. And the political struggle swept through everything. It’s heart-racing and overwhelming.
I froze all at once!
When I came back to my senses, I involuntarily turned back to the previous content, and then the feeling was completely different:
In the seemingly prosaic plot in the front, little by little, the factors of the outbreak of contradictions accumulated, and time bombs were quietly planted. Even the descriptions of “life painted in Christian paint” that I had previously despised have taken on a new perspective:
Isn’t this an intuitive impression of the spiritual outlook of many Christians by a bystander? Isn’t this what we call the “normal” faith life of urban Christians? And they are ardent Christians who think they have the knowledge, a sense of justice, and an uncompromising sin attitude!
However, such “good Christians” were tested when the real storm came, and their faith was built on quicksand.Think of this and reflect on yourself: If I lived in that grim era, or if that era reappears now, how would I behave? It’s really scary, cold sweat.Remembering my previous perception of the work, I found myself in the author’s “trap” – but I found this with joy and joy. Because I haven’t seen such a wonderful novel for a long time! Not to mention a deep-faith novel!
Part 2: The Devotee
A group of young people who sacrificed their lives for God, some gave up their rich and prominent family lineages, some gave up their bright future, and some gave up their childhood sweethearts’ romances. Talented and youthful, they came to Wendry, Shanghai, from different places with the same goal, to establish the first self-reliant faith community in Chinese history, the Christian Meeting.
This group of fully consecrated people is revered by the believers. Their writings and deeds circulated among believers everywhere.
However, when the political torrent of revelations, mass judgments, and the overthrow of all opposition came, the founder of the Christian meeting place, Li Yesheng, the leader who was regarded as a man of God, the one who had profound spiritual insight and authority, the one who taught everyone to be absolute, complete, and “surrendered to the Lord”, was discovered to be a man who committed adultery with many women and was financially unclear between the chemical factory he ran and the church!
Believers are completely “confused” (confused. Editor’s note): Which side of him is the “real” him? Are those preaching that pierces people’s hearts just out of oratory skill? Are those burning spiritual revivals collective self-deception?
Those believers who gave their family wealth without reservation, those who gave up the great future of the world to defect, those who resolutely “evangelized the immigration”, felt extremely shocked and torn…
The more the core of the ministry, the greater the impact.
One of the protagonists, a recognized spiritually mature and transparent and fully devoted to God, known as the “bold” and “female champion” of the meeting place, was also exposed about the “truth” about Li Yesheng, paralyzed to the ground, and then spent 15 long years in prison, humiliating, bitter, and unbelieved.
She didn’t let go until the last moment of her life.
Part 2 also brought back a painful memory of me.
A few years ago, my church, Pastor Z, who had directly shepherded and cared for me for several years, cheated and eloped with a young girl. This event brought an “earthquake” to the entire church.
After learning the news, I had a strong feeling of anger and being deceived. Emotionally battered, even faith was shaken. Because I have long regarded the church as the home of the soul and the pastor as the spiritual father.
It’s not just me. I found that compared to those who did not have much contact with Pastor Z, those of us who were directly shepherded and cared for by him were the most impacted by the faith, and the emotions were the most intense…
Therefore, I was especially able to feel the bitterness and anger of my fellow workers in the novel—not only toward people but also toward God. However, isn’t transcending man to have a relationship with God a hurdle that everyone must go through in their journey of faith?
“Look not at people, but at God”, how difficult it is to do! How complex human nature is! Saints also make terrible mistakes, and the wicked have moments of human light. The novel shows an amazing richness.
Part 3: Followers
In this part, what touched me the most was the three words: “The Lord knows”.
Leaders will inevitably have followers. Those who do not have followers cannot become leaders. Following Li Yesheng on the road of faith, there are young talents who are quick to think, there is everyone in the show, there are middle-aged managers who are shrewd and capable, and there are loyal and simple white-haired believers…
In an environment of political repression, when the government asked everyone to expose Li Yesheng’s “numerous crimes,” some saw the wind and steered, some curved to save the country, some were indignant, and some were silent.
The reader sees the strange inverse of human nature and destiny. The smartest calculation, but in the end it became a self-digging trap; Those who want to save their lives lose them; Those who are certain to die, but escape. Those who are righteous, those who step on two boats, those who are righteous, and those who will never forgive, are vividly painted in front of them.
I found an interesting fact that everyone who followed Li Yesheng more than he followed the Lord fell sooner or later or later, lightly or heavily; Whoever followed God more than others with humility and reverence did not fall or unbelieve because of Li Yesheng. “
Man is just a reed staff, but you treat him as a rock. “Actually, what will happen tomorrow, who knows? Who but God is in charge of tomorrow’s way? I burst into tears when I read the following paragraph:“The old man did not turn his head, he turned his face to the sea, and after a moment of silence said: ‘Those people are gone, those things are gone, that era is gone… That land is far away… Now, for an 80-year-old, the most important thing is only eternal life. ’
“The old man got into a wheelchair and was pushed by his grandson towards the parking lot, walking farther and farther… I took a step forward and asked, ‘You think you’re right?’ Or is it wrong? As soon as the words came out, I regretted it, what right did I have to ask him? I wish the sea breeze drowned out this phrase. But the old man turned around in his wheelchair, and I really saw his childlike smile, and he said, ‘The Lord knows! ’
“Yes, only the Lord knows the way of tomorrow, only He knows the true condition and needs of each person at every stage, and only He is worthy of our close to follow.”
Part 4: The Cake Breaker
Part 4 is a bit like the last part of a detective novel that reveals the mystery.Although the first 3 films are all self-contained, each story has its own protagonist, but each story also has a dark line pointing to the core character: Li Yesheng, the person who has never remained silent about the doubts and criticisms of others.
When watching the first two films, I kept thinking about the question: Is this person a saint? Or a self-deluded super-big liar?
As the author describes it, facing Li Yesheng is “like facing a dark pool that is calm on the surface and surging inside.” A hole in time and space where various airflows of conversations, faces, figures and minds are surging. ”
I also feel this way: from the perspective of “solving the case” alone, until the end, I also need to honestly admit that I still haven’t seen the full face of the party. This is like an antique left in the abyss, swept by the searchlight, lit up, and hidden in the dark again.
Part 4 has Li Yesheng’s self-reflection in prison, which has never been seen in previous documents and materials, so it has some precious historical value.
However, the significance is much more than that, and these few words of his record in prison are like a sigh through time and space, making people’s souls tremble.
“Only then did I realize that in the eyes of the Lord, everything on earth is non-accumulative, and God wants not an unusual person, but just a suitable vessel.
“Oh, my God! How have I covered your glory? If these people hadn’t worshiped me like this, using me as a ‘man of God,’ would you have demolished me so thoroughly? If I hadn’t perfected myself, sculpted myself, strengthened myself, and groomed myself little by little with gifts, revelations, and ministry, I would have become such an idol.
“How can I not shed tears? You actually released me after I became a prisoner, and you cleansed me when I became a corrupt person of selfish virtue that everyone reviled. The release and cleansing I have asked you for so many years is now suddenly done. Like an adulteress caught red-handed, I truly experienced your forgiveness…
“I am almost thankful for this prison, but if I am not here, how can I sit in your presence so comfortably and eat the dinner you set up?”
Our culture has always tended to judge people in a face-to-face manner, black and white, to praise His Holiness, while portraying bad people as heinous. However, people are complex and ever-changing.As for the question of whether Li Yesheng is a saint or a liar, in fact, in the third part, when I saw that the Zhang father and son only said “the Lord knows” at the end of their lives, and refused to judge Li Yesheng, I felt that this question was less important.
In Part 4, I further discovered that the “question” I asked earlier was itself problematic!
In addition to God Himself, has there ever been a person in the world who has made no mistakes at all? Apparently not. Do the mistakes made by Li Yesheng, the relationship between men and women, and the economy, really exist? The answer may be “yes”. However, is his faith true and sincere? The answer is also “yes”.
“People make mistakes (male and female problems, economic problems), will God forgive?”
“Of course.”
“Will God forgive pastors who make mistakes (men’s and women’s problems, economic problems)?”
“When a person makes a serious mistake, should his previous contributions also be erased?”
“Of course not.”
“After a pastor has made a serious mistake, should his previous contributions also be erased?”This is what I thought about after watching Part 4, a famous controversial figure in the history of the Chinese church.epilogue
I think that in an excellent novel, the author creates an image for the characters in it and gives it a soul; In a great novel, the image and soul of the characters are not shaped by the author’s mind, but are already there—but previously hidden in the darkness—waiting for the night watchman’s lantern to illuminate it.It’s no exaggeration to say that in The Apostate I feel like I see what a great novel looks like. As the author (probably unconsciously) writes in the preface:
“Having written most of my life, I can’t write this novel, I can’t give birth to this bunch of thorns, they’re stuck there… Unable to frame these stories and secrets, unable to even define the people and emotions in them, and unable to fill the gaps.
“These ruptures frighten me like a heavenly barrier because my characters will be an illogical group of people, a group of people who refuse to be defined and judged. But they possessed me, my emotions, and my experiences.
“I decided, and indeed had to, to write these fragments, even if they were rough and bloody, like raw blanks from a quarry, in order to save myself from them and start my life again.”
For some reason, after reading it, I always think of Shusaku Endo in Japan and his “Silence”. I vaguely feel that “The Apostate” is a masterpiece that is not inferior to the former. The depth and breadth of its humanity, the tension, and the sharpness of contradictions and conflicts, are not found in Chinese novels in the past two or three decades.
I’m sure it’s just the beginning, and there will be more and more readers who “turn fans” (passers-by turn fans. Editor’s note)!
